Competitiveness

The urge to compete, the urge to win, the urge to somehow get ahead in a never-ending race of examinations.....
And I have suddenly got it!! I swear, I was never into the business of wanting to get more marks than somebody else, of wanting to study more, of wanting to KNOW that I am the better. I have been laid-back in life, in studying actually.
I have this crazy, maddening feeling that I need to perform better than some others. In fact, I now believe that I can do it. I know it might be tough and can definitely take a toll on me, but I simply want to do it all. I don't know exactly how this has got into me. But, I can say that the feeling has been building up. It started with my Gynaec term and the great reviews I got there, was carried on by my Pyschiatry Term-end, in which I ended up with the highest marks in the batch (37/50). Anaesthesia added another boost by coming up with a 20/25 in the MCQ test. Then, there have been the results of the current terminal examination. I have got the highest marks in the theory examination of Microbiology (38/50), and I think I did pretty well in Pathology (theory) also to get 39.5/50. I wish I had got better teachers to take the viva. I would have done much better than 26.5 and 23 respectively.
My point is that, I finally think I'm going in the right direction and that things are working well for me (touchwood). It is just like the form of a sportsperson. At times, you are at your best and all the hard work just helps you do much than you normally would have. Other times, you can do the best your body can manage, but you still don't reach the peaks that you have set yourself. Right now, I feel confident, I feel I am capable of doing things I want to do, I feel comfortable with all the marks, and I don't feel the pressure to perform. I want to perform and I  know I will. I just am so excited to start (and Parasitology only makes things even spicier!!).
So, with all the focus coming in, I love and enjoy Medicine even more. What more can a student want?

Micro, I Love You!!

I do, I do, I do.....Never thought I'd be saying this, when I initially started with second year. I thought Pharmac was going to be my cup of tea. Guess, I'm not all that different from the rest of the crowd after all.
So, our Micro Quiz eliminations were held on Saturday. I can't say that I studied a lot, or that I spent sleepless nights, studying up a storm, but I did as much as I could. And I think I did pretty well in the Eliminations. I did not get chosen for the final team of two, but I came third. By one mark. So, I'm a back up for the team. I'm still going to attend the extra lectures, because I really feel that I can DO Microbiology, and that something just clicks really well. So I want to learn it, another way, and another way, and a fourth way is there is one.
This is something that clicked me after my Micro paper during the terminals. It had gone pretty well, especially the MCQs. So, I just like doing Micro. And, of course, I can't imagine myself doing Pharmac or Patho for days together, but I can imagine that happening with Micro. And I loved solving the MCQs on Friday, as a preparation for the elims. It was so much of fun!!! Plus, the teacher conducting the elims, told me, "Good Performance!". Now when that happens in a subject, you are bound to like a wee bit more than normal, rite? :-)
So, I'm doing Parasitology now. I love the new book feel. I'm doing it from Arora and Arora. After a year of reading the same old textbooks, I literally pounced on this one. I like it. It is said to be the toughest part of Microbiology, but, I'm on a high right now, and I really want to finish a major chunk of the syllabus in Parasito.
Do I regret not being a part of the team? I do. Especially when it was a matter of one mark. But, the responsibility now is less, and I can enjoy and study, both. Hell, I really did not want to meet my uncle who's coming down from the USA with the kids, regretting every moment I spend with them, because it was cutting into my study time. So, I can meet him with a clear conscience, and also study as much as I want to, at the same time. And I can attend the extra lectures. There isn't a ban on them. So, somehow, the regret or sadness or whatever you may want to call it, is a very small part of all the emotions I felt at that time, or those that I feel even now. I guess, I'm really happy that I didn't do very badly, to crash all my hopes of doing well in Micro down to the very depth of the Earth.
And my next target is: Distinction in Microbiology. And by more than just ONE mark!!!!!