The Want-To and the Don't-Want-To

One of the worst things about holidays is that, although you know what all you want to do, you are too bored to push yourself into action. Ultimately, you end up wasting days one after the other and you enjoy that!

My list of things to do after exams get over included:

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 Yeah, that’s a long list. I did not have a timetable as such, but I could imagine myself making something that looked like a timetable and following it. To follow a timetable, you need to make one. These holidays have been one big non-timetable event. I can’t bring myself to start following my own directions. I’ve spent the last 4.5 years following timetables – when to get up, when to brush my teeth, when to have a bath, have breakfast, read the newspaper….the number of hours I should study, the duration of my study breaks and what I should do in those breaks. I’ve done everything according to time. I designated each hour of the day for something specific and did follow that. So now, I’m so TIRED of doing it all over again and making myself feel like a prisoner of my own organization.

I just want to let go and waste time. I want to tell myself that its ok to do that, and I really deserve it too. So I might have some wonderful things that I have to do, but I’m doing them at my own leisure pace. It’s like there’s two of me (one with the organization & discipline that has been predominant for all the time I remember of College; and one that can be as lazy as the other can be disciplined, which is not even allowing that first self to make itself heard, let alone have an impact :-p )

So out of that whole list of things to do, I’ve managed some. Not to the extent of being maniacally good and sufficient at them, but better than a bad job. I’ve managed to get an idea about my future. Now all I need to do, is study to make it happen (oh Lord! It is back to studying soon….sigh). I have rearranged my study table a bit, and my room too. I can’t make up my mind about textbooks from the previous year which I’d kept my special library upstairs. I decided that can only be done when I make my study timetable. That is definitely not happening in the next 2 days at least.

I have also started pouring on cookbooks. We’ve had our super-microwave for about 3 years now and I’d never bothered to read the stickers on top of it door. They say : Ceramic Grill, Quartz Grill, Convection Cooking. Bloody hell, the microwave in my house was capable of grilled food, barbequed veggies, baked stuffed food, cakes and I never knew it!! Today, I’m going to try out the barbeque. Nothing very extravagant…just veggies and mushrooms. My mom and I were food- shopping day before yesterday, and I picked out my first packet of mushrooms. The thing about Mushrooms is- I LOVE THEM. The story behind this love began 8 years back, in 2004. We were on our tour of the South-East Asia. The airlines provided us with boiled mushrooms as a part of our vegetarian meal. At that time, although I knew what mushrooms were, I hadn’t eaten them before by themselves. Definitely not boiled mushrooms only. I was pretty much the only person in my family (of 4) who managed to eat them all ( like all the mushrooms designated to 3 of us), and I asked each of those nice little button-mushrooms just one question : “Where have you been all my life?!” That’s it. The start of a perfect story. Today, I’m still so so so crazy about mushrooms. Whenever we go out for dinner, my eyes always travel to the mushroom part of the menu. All the pastas I order always have one core ingredient – mushroom. All the appetizers I order have mushroom in some form or the other. One of my favourite places to eat out, is BarbequeNation. They have a wonderful live barbeque with mushrooms. I am chiefly responsible for the lack of mushrooms on the skewers :-p

As much as I love mushrooms, Mom has never cooked them at home. She says she’s worried about the quality of mushrooms and the way you prepare them. So, usually, when I’m in the mood for mushrooms, I usually get some takeaways. What that takes away from me, is that feeling of actually preparing them myself. I haven’t had the time, before right now, to make my own experiments with mushrooms. Day before yesterday, I decided – This is it. My Dad has been pestering me to get a start on the barbeque, and I can start off with barbequed Mushrooms. Once that is successful, I can move onto bigger things. Yes, today is that grand day. I shall have mushrooms made by myself. I am SO excited J

I am reminded of the movie Julie and Julia. I feel like Julie now. I’m mainly trying out recipes from cookbooks. I’m thinking of starting off with one by Tarla Dalal. Maybe the next few posts of my blog can be a part of the Jili & Tarla series :-p I hope in the next year or so, I can provide proof of my love of cooking. Currently, I’m pretty much stuck to providing Hakka Noodles and Veg Manchurian to any body who comes home for a meal. If I love cooking, I should be capable of doing more than that :-p

Ok, moving onto the other points on my list- I have checked out a few libraries around here. I really liked one. I think I shall go and get myself registered today. I need to get a move on my reading list. I miss those days, when I was so up-to-date with the latest books. Yes, I will start today. Yes I will!! I have also started off with my yoga and exercising. I’m experiencing that muscle ache I’m accustomed to, for the first few days of stretching. I took a break today. It is Sunday, and I can’t even walk straight :-p My aim to get myself into a shape that I can admire in the mirror. I don’t want to lose weight (hell, a few more kgs lost, and I shall definitely shift into the malnourished category), all I want to do is, shift the fat in my body to all the right places. I know that is more difficult than simply losing weight, but hey, you won’t know until you actually try it out.

As far as meeting up with friends goes, yeah, I think I’m really behind on that. But, after days of planning and cancelling, an old school friend of mine and I did end up meeting yesterday. That has given me immense hope, that I will meet each of my friends sooner or later :-p

Spanish is a language that has always enchanted me. But, guess it is these holidays. I have the numbers of classes close to my place, I’m just too lethargic to call. This one is going to take time. Where language comes into play, I also have to restart writing my diary. I know that once I sit to write it, I won’t stop till I finish. But inertia is inertia. Maybe a few days of exercise with give my mind the strength to get out that inertia.

And my grandparents. Yes, I have made quite a headway there. I go to meet them every Tuesday. It obviously isn’t the same as actually staying with them, but I try. I love the feel I get there. Ahh….yay, just two more days to Tuesday, and I’ll be back there J

That’s my holidays. At the end of these, I want to get rid of my dark circles, sleep A LOT, eat all my favourite food and waste time. Since about half my time is already over, I need to get things done and fast. Come on!!

Over At Last!!

I don't have to look at gynae and babies being born for another two years now!!!! Such a relief I say.

We finally finished with the last part of the term-end today. It wasn't brilliant, but it wasn't bad either. I could answer quite a bit, and over all, did not leave the room red-faced having embarrassed myself to the core. I was asked about the Sim's Speculum, the some drugs used in Obstretics - Oxytocin, Carboprost, Misoprost and Mala-D, the OCP. The viva did not last very long. We didn't even have any questions on normal labour or the maternal pelvis and fetal skull, which I had done more painstakingly than the rest. Actually, if I had been told that the pelvis isn't even kept on the viva table, I wouldn't have bothered at all!!

Any way, it doesn't matter. Fact is, it is over. 2 months.....can't even believe it has been that long. Feel like just yesterday we had started with the posting, and I was so disgusted with the nature of the branch. The past months have been fun obviously. Every batch of students gets closer to each other because of clinical postings, one or the other. In case of the first twenty students, it was their paediatrics posting, in case of roll no.s 25-40, it was their Gynae posting. In our case, i guess it was this posting only. its not anything different than normal. But, I can bear the people in my batch a lot more easily. And I have an easier time, shunning out the talk of people I don't want to listen to. It is just that simple.

In case of Surgery, and to a certain extent, Medicine, we did not really connect. Lots of irritating moments, when I wondered why I had ended up in a batch like mine; when I felt like slapping some people on their faces as hard as I could, and just throw them out of the batch. Trust me, it wasn't the simplest thing meeting them everyday. But, I guess, you do get used to some things when you do them every day. It is just that, with me.

Our unit might not be the most interesting unit, or the most intelligent. But, there's something about it that I am proud of. And, well, although I'm over the moon that Gynae is over, I'm equally excited about our next posting. It is Psychiatry, and I'm very eager to move into that mode. Looking forward to the weirdest patients there might be......:-))

College Life

I can't describe in words how great I feel attending college. Even coming back home and having to study for some hours on the trot doesn't seem all that uninviting. The thing about 2nd year is that, you can afford to give yourself time off. I don't bunk college at all. Its an 8 to 5 schedule. So, my day starts off with a mini breakfast before 8 am ( mini, because I am SLOW, and I never have enough time to finish it all), another mini after 9 am, clinical terms from 9:30 am ( umm, actually 9:45 am) to around 11:30 am, if we're lucky or unlucky as you might want to interpret. The point is, I've got a Unit where there are no patients, no OTs, and a boring OPD on every Wednesday. Our Chief-Resident ( CR) wants to teach us, unlike the Junior Residents ( JR) and the Lecturer, who aren't bothered. But, when you don't have cases, you can't help it. So mostly all those hours are free-time, when I do end up studying a bit. We then have a lecture at 12pm, lunch from 1 pm to 2 pm, and practicals from 2pm onwards.
The advantage of practicals is that we have batches of 100. So, mostly, there is absolutely no need to have lab-partners or groups of five according to roll nos., as we had it last year. So, I get more time with my group of friends not only during the lectures, but also during practicals. And friends are the food and water of college life. So, I'm just having so much fun!!!!
Its also the first time, when as a student I'm not under pressure. And the experience of 1st year helps. So, I'm being regular with the academic work, and enjoying myself. It is fulfilling to sleep every night around 11, kmowing that you have done yourself some good. And being around People like Shreya and Neha ( the two up-to-date friends I'm close to) gives me the incentive to work everyday to ensure I keep up with them.
Celebrations of my birthday ( 14th sep) were the best I've had. My group of friends ( 5 out of 8) went shopping on the 12th (Saturday), to buy me a top. They had quite a task at hand, because I'm terribly thin, and the smallest of tops hang loosely on me. But they did it!!! They got me a black and white top, with balloon frills on the sleeves ( love that!!), which fitted me perfectly. But, that wasn't the surprise. I didn't go for my posting so I came around 11:30 am to college. Neha sent me a very innocent message telling me to get my Microbiology journal for her. Incidently, it was in my locker at college. So the first thing I did was go and open my locker. And I found a beautifully wrapped gift on top of all my books waiting for me there. It was a yellow coffee mug. I was so touched!! They know my locker code, but I hadn't expected something like this!! Of course, I called them immediately, and their problem of having to think up of a way to get me to open my locker was solved. ( Neha didn't know the journal was in the locker!) This has been the best birthday ever. It'll be two weeks on Monday, so I just want to thank all of them for being so sweet!!
There you go! When you have a perfect friend circle, everything just settles down. Of course, in Medicine, studying is an integral part of settling down. And, surprisingly, I'm doing well in both!!

Positive Vibes

Thats what I'm emitting today, according to a very close friend of mine, whom I met today. Interesting.....the positive vibes thing. And a little strange too. I have never looked at myself in that way....you know, the image that I portray of myself. Its very strange when somebody just tells you a hundred times that not only are you looking good, but you're also radiating something that is .., well, positivity!
I've been thinking about it a lot, and I guess the answer lies in the fact that life couldn't have been better for me; I have an amazing college, will definitely become a doctor, have an amazing trip of the USA coming up from Monday, have great friends, have an amazing family, have been blessed with more that I could ask for, have a great football club going great guns.......What more do I want to ask for??
And thats just it. I've always been a lover of life, one who would hold onto dear life for whatever its worth, simply because I consider the one gift that is more than anything else in this universe. So I just look at life the way it is and am happy the way it is presented to me. At the end of the day, the fact that you had that day for you is more important than how you spent it. And thats what I value. I couldn't care less about whether my day was bad or good, whether I managed to do all I had to or not, at the end of the day. I'm just thankful for the day and the opportunuties that it gave me or didn't give me. I'm alive and thats more important.
My principle of life has never failed me. I've come to terms with everything and anything. I'm just happy with what I have, and I guess today, the happiness of meeting an old friend translated on my face as Positive Vibes. She said that I've changed and for the better. The fact is, I know that. And I'm very thankful for that. Love Life. Thanks pal, for making me realise this. This entry is for you.