My most important post ever

So, I've finally done it. I managed to get past the nightmare of my practicals, a true test of my knowledge, according to the people who really know.
It was different, this experience. For one, I realised what it os like to get really tense before an exam; so tense that I think I spoilt my own chances of answering well in there. This was before Surgery. The problem with that subject is, I love it so much, I get nervous knowing I may not do well enough, and obviously, when such thoughts haunt your mind, you don't end up doing all that well. A vicious cycle. I hate it. But, I haven't able to solve the mystery behind my love and fear for this subject. Looking back,  I know that my nervousness and fear that I didn't know anything only held me back, on what could have been a good viva. What more can you ask for? The residents conducting the exam are helping you; they stop just short of giving your viva for you (just partly, because they stand behind the examiner and mouth the answers they know). The examiners are really in no mood to fail you, unless you decide to do that yourself. And you pretty much know the cases, instruments, xrays, specimens beforehand. Despite all this, when I wasn't happy with my own answers, I knew I had only myself to blame. I did enough to pass, yes, but, this is a subject I love, and passing here was just NOT enough.
It has been that sort of a relationship with Surgery. The Love-Fear quotient is like a 50-50, and that really really sucks. But, I did learn a lesson, and decided I wouldn't panic so much for my next practical.
Medicine- that was that next practical. Now, the thing about Medicine is, I think I know, I know I know, but when it comes to using my head, I always go off on a tangent. And, I can't examine patients the right way, to save my own life! There's always something incomplete in my method. If that isn't the case, the fact that I'm not applying enough strength, always gets me few marks less. So, yeah, there are a few areas to be worried about, in medicine. But, by God's grace, I ended up getting Alcoholic Liver Disease cases as short and long cases. Oh man, by the end of the practical, my pleximeter had turned into a mass of aching skin and bones (thanks to all that percussing- this despite cutting my nail so short, it hurt there too). In fact, at the end, I couldn't understand whether it was the patient's percussion tenderness or my own finger groaning and saying it had had enough.
Medicine was ok. I say ok, because, if you end up getting the same topic on all your three cases, you should ideally ace your exam. Problem was, my first case was a disaster. The examiner was an internal one, and she is considered to be a little scary. I wasn't given a warning that the exam had started or anything. She just came up and asked, "Are you 49089?" "Yes, Ma'am" "Start your case. And keep that paper away." WHAT?! No bloody warning!! And how the hell was I supposed to remember the details. This woman has her own set of rules, so you have to remind yourself of each and every one of them, before you speak. Like, do not say "Cynosis" in a p/a case, because it doesn't have any significance. Caught by her out of nowhere, I went into panic mode, and next thing I know, I'm rattling off Cyanosis to her with loads of 'ahhhh' interrupting words and sentences. I couldn't wait to finish with that viva, and I guess she couldn't either. Bad start. Had I been in her position, I wouldn't have given myself anything more than a 50%. Maybe she did. Will only know in February. The other internal examiner was my Project guide. I was worried, because I hadn't gotten back to him regarding the project. But, both his vivas were good. He took my long case and although it started off well, they (internal and external examiners) were a little disappointed that I missed out on Spider Naevi in my patient. What is worse is that, I hadn't missed it, had checked loads of times, and had concluded that it WASN'T Spider Naevi. Talk about difference of opinion. But, the table viva made up for it, I hope. There was nothing that I didn't know about whatever they asked me. We parted with a smile (a wide one, by the way) and I kept praying, they'd consider my awesome table viva and give a me a few more marks for that long case. The xray and charts were taken by my scary internal, and obviously, I was still scared of her. It was ok upto the point of recognising the problem. Thereafter, it enough to say, I don't think I use my head much when it comes to differential diagnosis.
Paediatrics was easily the best practical. My table and short case Viva was good. It was full of questions that were first-timers (like, disadvantages of breast milk, reason why you use Ca gluconate in hyperkalemia and some others that I don't remember), and I answered to the best of my ability, which was quite a lot. My long case was Cerebral Palsy. How I hated my luck that morning. After praying and praying and praying some more (that I don't get Cerebral Palsy), I got that case. Lucky for me, I was the last person to get done with my viva, and he only asked me read my case and asked 2 questions after that. So although it felt incomplete and weird, at least it wasn't a disaster, thanks to the case.
Obs-Gynae was a story itself. The HoD was the internal examiner, and he got really angry when he found people with their books near the cases. He found my book in my friend's bag, and that got me included among the people he was going to punish. Punishment meant that our vivas were going to be held last. So throughout the day, I just had one thought in my head, "Will I pass?" It'll be so humiliating to have the topper of 2nd year and 3rd year to fail in final year because of something like this. But, he did take our vivas. He didn't ask any question though. The external examiner sitting with him was asking everything. And, overall, it turned out to be decent enough. I obviously wish the incident hadn't happened, but I guess it was all for the best. When our HoD was asking questions, he was asking tough ones,  making students feel like crap. But, when he was sitting quietly, things were better :-)
So, I'm done. For the first 2 days, it didn't seem real. I kept thinking I have to go back to studying in a few days. But, now, I'm getting used to the fact that I don't have to study for a month at least. Not that I'll be sitting idle. I have to decide my future, I have to catch up with old friends, I have to get my garden in order, I have to start preparing my brother for his exams....in all a lot.
Currently, I'm stationed at my grandmom's house, trying really hard to make up for all the time I didn't have to spend with my gradnparents in the past 4.5 years. I'll be leaving for Hyderabad tomorrow. Its the AIOS-2013 conference and I'll probably attend a day or two. My chief purpose is split between taking a tour of the LVP institute there, meeting up with friends, and enjoying the awesomeness of the Ophthalmology conference :-)
Bon voyage!!
   

Theory Examination Over

Over the past 2 weeks, I’ve realized the following:

1.       I hate exams. I thought I lived for them, but I don’t.

2.       If Final year is supposed to be hard, it doesn’t even compare to the stress you go through during the exam. Looking back, I don’t know how I made it through in one piece.

3.       Papers always turn out differently this year. They are all expected questions, yes, but you don’t feel like you’ve written expected answers (or this might just be me talking).

4.       The age old superstition : the lesser you’ve done something, higher the chance of it actually ending up in the paper. It sucks through your brain. Oh, it SO does! And probably, that’s why you end up staying awake the whole night.

5.       Everybody but you, seems to be less concerned about the examination. It’s almost as if, you’re in one boat and everybody else in the other. It actually isn’t like that, but that’s how the world looks to you.

6.       The MUHS does NOT care about us students. They prepare papers full of spelling mistakes, repeat short notes in the same question (which is: Answer any three out of five. So that effectively reduces us to answering 3 out of 4. Or taking that bold step of writing the same answer twice hoping you’ll get 3 marks two times over.

7.       Surgery still freaks me out. I did it almost twice. Almost, because, there were a few chapters I did not do twice. Yet the day before both my papers, I was freaking out. And I was almost wishing I hadn’t taken up this course of Medicine.

8.       I always fall sick before my exams. Thing is, the week before my immune system decides to take a holiday, and I suffer. Surprisingly, this time, I got better like 2 days before the exam began, to reach my designated centre and end up with the flu AGAIN. Seriously, there was a time during the paper I had to allot to clearing my blocked sinuses!!

9.       I am exhausted. I don’t want any more testing, I don’t want any more theory answers to be written. I’m so tired of taking all this stress, it’s reduced my weight to more than is normal during a preparation leave.

10.   And, did I mention, I’m still hating Final year? Oh yeah, I’m still hating it, and I simply can’t wait enough for 13 Jan to come.

So how were these exams? The same exams I was so worried about, the exams on which nothing depended, my parents had absolutely no expectations from, I had no expectations from, the exams for which I literally turned the entire household’s lives upside down….yeah they were ok….all of my papers were more or less the same…I didn’t find any paper extremely easy, but no paper was pathetic either….I liked my Obstetrics paper best, because I drew a lot of diagrams, and they didn’t ask the questions I’d dreaded. I think I like my Paediatrics paper least, but that’s just because I couldn’t give the finishing touches I’m so used to giving all my papers. And it sucks to end your undergraduate examination on that note.

It’s what I’ve been through in these past 2 weeks, that’s so important. I suck at managing stress. Oh man, I really suck. My mind plays all sorts of games with me, and it’s so freaky. My usual method of calming myself down went to the dogs this year. When I told myself, “Shut up, stupid little girl, you’ve prepared well!!”, another louder voice used to come up behind me slowly and say, “Oh yes, little girl, you’ve prepared well. Tell me, do you know that you can’t remember the treatment charts? Or diagrams? Oh and by the way, you’ve not even touched contraception yet….and what about Skin….and you have even done your usual dose of MCQs this year.” It’s so hard to get rid of that voice once it starts.

This past month has been dreadful. I don’t think I’ve ever suffered so much in any preparation leave. It has been a combination of low confidence, sucky memory and a vast portion that refuses to even come close to the finishing line. The result : a complete wreck of a person, worried parents, indecision about the future and an ardent desire to just let go. They say Medicine is tough, so this is just the beginning. I’m really worried about my brain and its tolerance capacity. So, yes, there are some tough decisions to make in the coming month- regarding my future, what I want to do, how I want to do it, and the best way to keep my brain stable. I almost resorted to some anti-depressants and I don’t want to go down that road ever again. That’s why this decision will be so important to me.

Right now, I’m already worried sick about my practicals. The worry doesn’t make it any easier to start studying again, but it does affect the general day. I wish I had some confidence in myself. I really do. I hate this low self-esteem I have about my case-taking and practical skills. Of course, I have good enough reasons to feel this way, but I also have good reasons NOT to feel this way. Our timetable isn’t out yet. All we know is that, practicals in our college will be held from 1^st to 12^th of Jan, 2013. Nothing more. I want to know the exact details as fast as possible…that way, once I have a deadline to get to, it’ll make it easier to manage my study timetable.

God bless me and my case-taking skills. One ordeal over, another to start very soon. Oh I hate Final Year!  

The Prelims Over :-)

Looking at the few results that have come out, its not been the happiest of times, but its not like I expected to rock my exams.

These 3 weeks have been nerve-wracking. First, it was back to back papers. That pretty much left you with no time to really brood over the previous paper or the next one. My acid-test was the Surgery paper. My relationship with Surgery hasn’t been smooth. I like the subject. I love it. Its amazing how that is possible. Surgery is Anatomy clinicalised, if there is such a word. I used to HATE Anatomy. I couldn’t visualize anything in there. But, here I am, 3 years down the line, liking the subject that is the advanced course of the subject I hated.

Any way, so as much as I love the subject, I’m not very confident about it. So, when it comes to an exam or a practical I get so paranoid. The day before my Surgery paper, I was at my wits’ end. It is all thanks to my dad who somehow got me through that paper, with all his discussions the day before. Before my Surgery 2 paper, we did the same, but it wasn’t as successful. My paper wasn’t the dream that I wished I’d had. It was a cross-over between a normal dream and reality.

The rest of the subjects have been ok. I know my Obstetrics paper wasn’t as great as my Gynaec paper and the difference in the marks showed it. I know that my Med 1 paper was 100 times better than my Med 2 paper. Yes, those marks showed that too. My practicals were pretty fine. The Gynae pracs were especially better than expected. I got decent marks too. My internal assessment marks for my pracs are more than those for theory, so that does say something. The med practical was supposed to  be fine, but my marks didn’t show it. I was pretty disappointed with that.

At the start of this prelim exam, I just prayed that I get through it somehow, any how. I did. THAT is an achievement. For a month back, I was totally unprepared. Totally, completely, fully. I didn’t know how things were going to fall in place. They did. Not perfectly, but they did. To me, that is all that matters. A friend of mine says I’m overly competitive. I don’t believe that is true. I know the kind of answers I write or give in Vivas. After having taken exams for the past 20 years, I can say I’m an expert at it. There was a time when my papers were held up in front of the class to demonstrate how a paper should be written. Even now, in medicine, there is always something that I like to incorporate in my answers to make them better than the person before me. After all, the checking of papers is relative, isn’t it? All students study the same amount. All students write the same amount. They write the same things too (biology of the body won’t change with each paper, will it?). The difference between a 67/80 and a 40/80 is the method of presentation. It is your answer that shows your ability to succeed. And, I know I have to keep doing that to score more.

Do these scores matter anywhere? Not really. But, they do stand to give me a shot of confidence. So, I know that next time I write a Gynaecology paper, I shall be sure of myself when I’m writing it. The Obstetrics paper, on the other hand, will require some more effort on my part. When I know that I’m managed to score among the top brass of my batch, I know that I’m up there knowledge-wise.

These upcoming preparation leave days are going to make all the difference. I know that. It is going to be one tough month of studying. But, having gone through my prelims, I know I need to work extra-hard to stop myself from losing it before or during the paper. Our practical dates have also been declared and they are a month away from the theory exams. So, the upcoming 3 months are going to be the make or break of my Medicine journey. In this last leg, I can’t give up or be loose. I’m going to make each and every day, each and every second count.

Exam Forms

Yes, the day is finally here. That dreaded day when I submit my Examination form. Yesterday, we had to run around a lot for a lot of things that need to be done.
1. The Challan - You get that challan in the Students' Section in college and then after having filled in the details, you go to the bank in college to fill your exam fees. I don't why and how it happened, but when I went to fill in my challan, there were just 2 people ahead of me. For the past three years, I've had to wait in that damned sun and then in a stuffy room (called the bank branch) to pay that money. Yesterday, however, luck smiled upon me a little. I could even go for my Gynaecology lecture, I was so sure I was going to miss!

2. The No-Dues Certificates- There are two such certificates for people living at home (god knows how many for those using the Hostel). One is from the Hostel saying we have no dues there, and another from the College saying that we've paid our fees and we have no dues here either. I was smart and lucky enough to pay my fees on Thursday itself. This fees business is really annoying. I started telling myself that I had to pay the fees way back in March. Obviously, I never did it. I realised that last week and since then, its been a task to remind myself every single night. Somehow, I did that on Wednesday night. I was so lucky, because when I came to college yesterday, there was a HUGE line of students waiting to pay their fees; a line that did not get shorter until the guy collecting the money declared "lunchtime". Phew!! The great part about paying your fees close to the exam form filling time is that you have those Receipts ready at hand. In  my first year, I had to waste a few days looking for those receipts (we'd paid the whole money at the start of the year itself) :-P

3. The Certificates from ObGy and Anaesthesia Departments -  This is new. This is NOT nice. When your examination form have to be submitted the very next day, and that ObGy Department decides to act mean because they have a three-day workshop to conduct, it hits your nerves at all the wrong spots. It definitely made me want to spit all kinds of stuff at my Professors and maybe even the HoD, if he'd turned up. But, I wasn't alone so I was restrained by my friends big time. They did give us the stamps that we required. After all, a whole batch failing because they refused to co-operate will be much bigger news than some stupid workshop that went the chaos-way.
The thing about these certificates is that it is plain useless work. We have to stick our photos on the certificate page of our Journals. Then, we have to catch hold of a Lecturer, and only a Lecturer of the concerned Department to get it attested ( which consists of his/her signature and the stamp of their designation). So, you may have the best of acquaintance with a person at a higher designation, it will be of no use.
Choosing these two departments only, and not the others fails to spark any light inside my considerably intelligent head. The only reason I can think of, is that its their last way of troubling us. Anaesthetists are never outside the OT. So, you roam about carrying your OT material and get inside every OT possible to catch hold of those people. The Department itself is also located just outside the OT. So, you may be told to wear your OT slippers at least, to enter it.
ObGy has the most number of OPDs that a stream can have. Our timetable in ObGy is like a superfast busy Deccan Queen. Every day there's something different. There's Antenatal OPD, Gynaecology OPD, MTP OPD, Labour Room Day, Wards Day and OT Day. 6 out of 6. Nothing repeats. So, getting hold of lecturers is pretty tough. You shall only have one lecturer in the ward on one day, or you simply run around to the other places, located on a completely different floor!

We did get the stamps and the certificates. At the end of the day though, my legs had given in to that accumulated lactic acid. They did not want to walk, neither did they want to move. So did my mind actually. I slept pretty early. But, thanks to that wonderful ghost that haunts me this year (''YOU DO NOT KNOW A THING") I got up early to study.
Exam Forms shall be submitted on Monday ( hopefully, I shall get my No-Dues Certificate from the hostel. It is such a pain in the ass to wait for days on the end for just a formality! I don't even use the hostel, and I weren't forced to pick up books from my hostelite friends, I wouldn't even know where it was! However, I still wait. Wait for the same amount of time as my hostel colleagues. That's the fairness of this world, isn't it?  

P.S. I am officially certified to write my exam now :-D The college thinks so. Do I??

Say Hello To Final Year :-)

And that is exactly what my Brain's reaction was, when it encountered the already extensive To-Do list. Today isn't even the official first day into Final year. That is supposed to be 23rd (a week from now). I know, I know...it is the postings that are more important in Final Year; we'd rather attend those more sincerely than the lectures; so today is the 'Official First Day'....but until the lectures begin, I don't get the feel of  'College' in the real sense of the word. And they begin on 23rd.
Any way, I'd rather talk about my To-Do list. Firstly, giving in to my guilt and my stubborn mind, I have decided to take the risk of doing a Research Project this year. It is a BIG risk. Simply because, a research project takes a lot of the time that you can spend studying. This year, the studying doesn't even end. So, doing a project is like knowing I have Osteoporosis but still, picking up heavy loads and giving those poor bones a chance to break :-p
This is my last chance really. I know I did a good thing by letting go of the Project in 2nd year and concentrating on my Finals. But, deep inside I know I was scared of how it would turn out and not very satisfied with my own interest in the subject. I can't let all that get in the way of developing my research potentials. This year, I'm going to give myself another chance. I am well-prepared. I have a topic, a guide and a rough idea of what all I'm supposed to do. The last date for the Applications is 25th January, so completing my thesis tops my To-Do list absolutely.
Secondly, there's a conference at Lokmanya Tilak Medical College, Sion, Mumbai on 16th-17th February this year. I want my group to present a Symposium on Islet Cell Transplantation. We had first done this at AFMC, Pune in August last year. We all loved the experience, but couldn't get into the final. This time, I want us do things more professionally and get into the finals. We are looking for a few replacements from the previous team. The last date for Registration is 24th January. Since we have to send the forms by post, we need to have the forms, the abstract and the money order ready by Thursday (my deadline). It is full steam ahead for this one..I really want us to do well.
Over to the next point, I want to do an elective in the US after my Final Year examinations. For that, now would be a good time to take the TOEFL. Studying for it is going to be a major part of my agenda for some time now. I have looked through the dates available and March seems good to me. That way, I can finish up with the Symposium and even a part of my project, and then turn over to this. I would have to start applying to the Universities in May-June. So taking the TOEFL in March and getting the results in two weeks time should suit me fine.
Researching through Universities for the Residency programs is going to form a big part of my life this year. Am I, as yet, sure of what I want to do? No. I know that one of my top choices would be Ophthalmology and it would be followed by Paediatrics. That is a tough scenario. As tough as it is, to get Ophthalm, it is much easier to get a residency in Paediatrics in the US. However, I don't want to end up deciding on Paeds only to realise I have done anything about the USMLE. So, I guess, maybe one a week or something, I'll be driving in this direction.
I and a friend of mine had decided last year itself that we would participating in the Indian Association of Paediatrics Quiz this year. We went and talked to the Lecturer in-charge today. She was excited that we have come so early :-) And since we want to do really well in this, we are going to start from now itself. Theory for the exams and extra stuff for the quiz. It should help me any way, as I learnt from my experience as a part of the Ophthalmology Quiz team last year. So this is yet another item on my To-Do list.
Last but not the least - the regular studying. It is Final year...tough from the word go. I have my Obstetrics-Gynaecology Posting now. To underline the importance of this year, our Unit Lecturer immediately made me go take a case (Pregnancy with Anemia), and we had a full discussion about the whole topic. On day 1. Not to mention the number of times she called us "Final year students"!! There's a wave of seriousness around. It is uncomfortable...because even the laid-back students are showing it..and that is so freaky! So obviously, I need to be in the moment throughout. There is no room for lagging behind....because once you remain back there, it gets too much to push back to the front.
Lets begin this year then. I know I'm going to have fun. I feel it. And I shall finally understand the meaning of 'Serious Fun' :-) Happy Studying!!!

Competitiveness

The urge to compete, the urge to win, the urge to somehow get ahead in a never-ending race of examinations.....
And I have suddenly got it!! I swear, I was never into the business of wanting to get more marks than somebody else, of wanting to study more, of wanting to KNOW that I am the better. I have been laid-back in life, in studying actually.
I have this crazy, maddening feeling that I need to perform better than some others. In fact, I now believe that I can do it. I know it might be tough and can definitely take a toll on me, but I simply want to do it all. I don't know exactly how this has got into me. But, I can say that the feeling has been building up. It started with my Gynaec term and the great reviews I got there, was carried on by my Pyschiatry Term-end, in which I ended up with the highest marks in the batch (37/50). Anaesthesia added another boost by coming up with a 20/25 in the MCQ test. Then, there have been the results of the current terminal examination. I have got the highest marks in the theory examination of Microbiology (38/50), and I think I did pretty well in Pathology (theory) also to get 39.5/50. I wish I had got better teachers to take the viva. I would have done much better than 26.5 and 23 respectively.
My point is that, I finally think I'm going in the right direction and that things are working well for me (touchwood). It is just like the form of a sportsperson. At times, you are at your best and all the hard work just helps you do much than you normally would have. Other times, you can do the best your body can manage, but you still don't reach the peaks that you have set yourself. Right now, I feel confident, I feel I am capable of doing things I want to do, I feel comfortable with all the marks, and I don't feel the pressure to perform. I want to perform and I  know I will. I just am so excited to start (and Parasitology only makes things even spicier!!).
So, with all the focus coming in, I love and enjoy Medicine even more. What more can a student want?

Why does it keep following me???

I haven't written about this before. There is a crappy book called 'JOURNAL' which we are supposed to record our cases in, in every clinical posting. They have a certain number of cases to be seen in every term, which we have to record. Until the Gynaec term started, we didn't really bother about writing journals. But, the Naik Unit ensured that we wrote the entire semester work and get it all signed. As my luck would have, I couldn't get all my stuff signed in time, and hence, due to consistent trailing behind him, the Chief-Resident (CR), knew me pretty well. He even told the HOU that I did not have my journal signed but that I was a very good student. Later on, when he did check my journal, he told me that the HOU, Dr. Naik, was very happy with me. She was delighted that I had done so well, and that I knew my Gynaec stuff pretty well. I was obviously shocked. She had asked me really simple stuff, as I have written before in the entry dated......I was also delighted that after spending days screaming, "Gynaec!!!SOS!!!!!!!!!!!", I actually knew enough to impress a teacher!

Two months down the line, I was again haunting the corridors of Gynaec, as we began our Family-Planning posting. Little did I know that another shocker of sorts awaited me here. My Posting began on June 1st, in the middle of our college holidays. There were hardly any people attending the posting, 'coz every hostelite had run home. We were 5 in number, for the first few days. During that time, the Senior-Resident (SR) took our lectures. I used to answer quite a bit. Hell, I knew stuff so why not let them know that I do. So, the SR took a fancy to me. She'd ask me questions when the others couldn't answer and all that sort of a thing. I did not go for the MTP OPD one day. The next day she said that she hadn't felt like teaching when she saw that I wasn't there. Oh God, why Gynaec!!! Later, during the posting, we were in the Labour Room, and she even made me hold the placenta, as she taught us about the parts and features. I, kinda, became a favourite. Man!

We finished with our Family-Planning term-end today. Finally! It wasn't held before the exams because that way, we wouldn't have attended all the days till the 30th (exams were from 28th June-8th July). It got postponed from 10th July ( the initially decided date) to today. And it turned out to be pretty good. Dr. Bhalerao (the HOU this time), asked me about everything that I knew about Oral Contraceptive Pills. And I was able to answer a lot of his questions. It turned out to be pretty good, especially after the heavy weight of the 'favourite' tag on me. Thankfully that SR wasn't there, and Dr. Bhalerao doesn't know me. He did not say that I needed to read up a lot more or that my basics weren't clear. Which is a good sign.

I just so don't want to do Gynaec!!! I wish I could have gotten so much of appreciation and support in some other term uptil now. But, I end up having the feeling that I don't like Gynaec, and yet, I know it best!!        

Psychiatry gives me a surprise!!

The 15 day posting ended on 15th April. Haven't exactly been the mood to write since then. Today, I am.

So Psychiatry. Wow! There is something, an inherent, ever-present sentiment.....a disbelief of sorts, that these clinicians can remain Doctors, sane-headed Doctors. It is interesting to listen to the calm and off-hand manner in which the patients speak. Stories seeming to be absolutely impossible, are said with such belief, it is SCARY. These people have a weird expressionless look in their eyes. Apart from that, extremely normal. And, of course, in our posting, we learnt about :

1. Schizophrenia

2. Bipolar Affective Disorder with Psychotic signs

3. Manic Episodes

Almost every second patient seemed to suffer from some kind of auditory and visual hallucinations.

That way, a very easy case to diagnose.

The Mental Retardation cases were heart-wrenching. We had a case of two 27 yr old brothers, who were mentally reatarded in the severest way. They couldn't utter a word , only identified individuals. Their father looked so old and worn-out and tired, I couldn't get his image out of my head for a very long time (stilll can't). The world is such an unfair place. Firstly, people are financially unequal, and to top that, the lowest class of people have to suffer from such disasters. Disasters that need the financial help to run a decent course, a course that is manageable. A mentally-retarded child is loved despite everything by his parentsm probably, even more because of his condition. It is killing to imagine, being in that 60 yr old father's shoes, wondering about the future of his two children, after he may be well beyond the capacity to provide for them....to imagine how he has spent all these years having to look after two children, he could never expect himself to hate or be taken away from him, and yet at times, wish for the same. It aches so much, and I felt relief, and still do, when he mentioned that he also has another son and daughter.

This is the only part of being a doctor that I don't like. Some patients, with the baggage they bring along, touch the most sensitive part of my soul, and almost always, I wish I could run away from it all, and never feel all this stuff.

Any way, I topped in Psychiatry. 37/50!!! It a second. After having got our Gynaec journals checked, the CR told me I did amazingly well in the term-end, and that our HOU was very happy with me. Now this. I feel previleged and lucky. I'm finally making some headway, and it feels like it. So satisfying, and a confirmation that I have chosen the right field.

Our current posting is Radiology. Very interesting. The best part of it is, the posting gets over by 11 30 am. So I easily get about an hour and a half in the library. Plus, I really like it, and the branch is one of my choices for a PG in.

My ICMR project didn't get selected. Only three out of like an easy 15, got selected. I'll still be doing it. The news was saddening, but I don't want my research being wasted, and I intend to see this project through.

Thats about it. We're going to Mauritius next week. I am SO excited!!! Can't wait! And I will write before we leave... I promise myself that.

Over At Last!!

I don't have to look at gynae and babies being born for another two years now!!!! Such a relief I say.

We finally finished with the last part of the term-end today. It wasn't brilliant, but it wasn't bad either. I could answer quite a bit, and over all, did not leave the room red-faced having embarrassed myself to the core. I was asked about the Sim's Speculum, the some drugs used in Obstretics - Oxytocin, Carboprost, Misoprost and Mala-D, the OCP. The viva did not last very long. We didn't even have any questions on normal labour or the maternal pelvis and fetal skull, which I had done more painstakingly than the rest. Actually, if I had been told that the pelvis isn't even kept on the viva table, I wouldn't have bothered at all!!

Any way, it doesn't matter. Fact is, it is over. 2 months.....can't even believe it has been that long. Feel like just yesterday we had started with the posting, and I was so disgusted with the nature of the branch. The past months have been fun obviously. Every batch of students gets closer to each other because of clinical postings, one or the other. In case of the first twenty students, it was their paediatrics posting, in case of roll no.s 25-40, it was their Gynae posting. In our case, i guess it was this posting only. its not anything different than normal. But, I can bear the people in my batch a lot more easily. And I have an easier time, shunning out the talk of people I don't want to listen to. It is just that simple.

In case of Surgery, and to a certain extent, Medicine, we did not really connect. Lots of irritating moments, when I wondered why I had ended up in a batch like mine; when I felt like slapping some people on their faces as hard as I could, and just throw them out of the batch. Trust me, it wasn't the simplest thing meeting them everyday. But, I guess, you do get used to some things when you do them every day. It is just that, with me.

Our unit might not be the most interesting unit, or the most intelligent. But, there's something about it that I am proud of. And, well, although I'm over the moon that Gynae is over, I'm equally excited about our next posting. It is Psychiatry, and I'm very eager to move into that mode. Looking forward to the weirdest patients there might be......:-))

Gynae, SOS!!!!

My Gynae term has almost come to an end, and I don't feel like I've anything new. Yeah, actually, it's wrong to say that. I have learnt something. But, there's no feeling of achievement, of having learnt something that can make me want to do Gynae. In fact, the feelings are the exact opposite.

Having watched children being born, I am not exactly awed by the procedure. Contrary to that, I'm grossed out by it all. And I have huge respect for any woman who has gone through it all. Man, we have a tough life, don't we?

Our term-end was divided into 4 parts:

1. Complete Journal - 5 marks

2. A short viva by our HOU - 5 marks

3. Case Presentation - 15 marks

4. Table Viva - 15 marks

Points 2. and 3. are over, and they were good. I got a Previous Lower Segment Caesarean Section case, and I enjoyed answering the questions. Trust me, the only enjoyable experience this whole term has been this part of the term-end. The journal completion was hell, and I still have to get it signed.

The last part of the term-end will be held on Monday. I am sort of dreading that, because this is the real test. Of knowledge, application, understanding and of course, the pre-requisite of Medicine - memory. I hope I do well.

The next terms we will have are 15-day terms - Radiology, Anaesthesia, Ophthalmology and Psychiatry. I'm excited about them.

College has been full of interesting academic activities, the latest being the Dr. V.S. Prayag Memorial Oration by Dr. Velu Nair, on Stem Cell Therapy and its future. It was a very interesting take.

Last weekend, we also attended our first Clinico-Pathological Correlation Seminar, popularly termed as CPC. It was a typhoid case. Every department involved presents their viewpoint, and then everyone has a take on the final diagnosis. Lastly, like the magic box, the pathologist has a final say and gives what the actual diagnosis was. Since it was a first, we didn't understand much. But it was an interesting 2 hours to spend.

So, life is abound with lots of sources of knowledge, and I'll make the best I can out of it all.

Labour, in every facet of the meaning

It started with the Seminar on Thyrotoxicosis last week, on Feb 8th. It was a wonderful experience. Standing in front of a huge audience and speaking as calmly as I did, I have to say to myself, "Kudos!!". I ended with the sentence, "Even though the thyroid gland is not essential for survival, absence of the hormones can cause physical and mental slowing and affect the quality if life." That raised up a controversy amongst the teachers sitting in the front. But, there were some who agreed with what I said, and frankly, I don't think what I said was wrong. The Thyroid doesn't decide the life and death of a person. Nor do the hormones. They make a person capable of living what is termed as a normal human life. My friends said I spoke a lot better than I had, during the rehersals. Personally, I'm glad I was able to stand up for myself at the podium, and say what i thought was right when the controversy came up. Plus, I got a certificate, which for me, is more important. You could say that I am selfish enough to participate in this kind of activity only for the certificates!!

Moving onto my next goal, after two days of running around and being tense that I might not be able to finish off with all the signatures in time, I have finally sent my Research Proposal to the Indian Council of Medical Research (ICMR). The results will be out in April. I don't care whether they choose my project or not, I'll be doing it any way. But, there is always a sense of achievement in having your project selected by such a prestigious body. Also, they choose just 500 such projects from all over the country. So, I guess, its easy to get what I'm trying to say. I just have my Ethics Committee proposal to be handed over tomorrow, and then wholly, and truly, I will be done with it all, till April.

After this, it is our Intercollegiate Competition Vedant to think about. I have to come up with my entire schedule to hold the Debate and Essay competitions. I don't know what the verdict on this time's Vedant will be after the bomb blast yesterday. But, lets remain hopeful.

Now, labour. In the field of Medicine. Overcoming my pre-construed aversion to the process of Miracle of Birth, I watched 3 normal deliveries and a Caesarien Section (CS), yesterday, during my first ever Emergency Duty (ED) of my term in Gynaecology and Obstretics. The Caesarian was a textbook operation. We've already had our clinic on the step-by-step manual of performing a CS. Yesterday, we had a practical version. The deliveries were a little gross, but the babies when taken out looked really, really cute. As luck would have it, we didn' see any girls being born. It was all male babies. Hmm, maybe next time!!

So its been eventful, this week. And I really hope, next week is a little less taxing. Ciao!!