MATCHED

So, now that this journey has reached its first major milestone, I’m going to stop worrying, relax and write a post. I can’t get my head around the fact that I have matched and come 07-17, I will be PGY-1 resident at some awesome program in the United States. All that worry, indecision, regret, hopelessness, guilt, the awesomeness of the interviews has reached the end.

The worst part about applying for residency in the US is the long long journey. While my batch mates here, took one entrance exam, got ranked according to their marks and then participated in counselling rounds to get the specialty they wanted, I had to wait a year before I was even eligible to apply. Where they just took a single exam, I had to take 3 nine-hour exams, one of them in the United States. While they studied in the library of our medical school, I was applying for electives and experiencing the brilliance that the American Medical system is. Its been a whirlpool of all sorts of emotions. Worth a movie really. Or at least a book – The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Match J

I have questioned myself at numerous times throughout these past two years. The first time: when I got my first rejection for a clinical elective. I probably disguise a bit my own low self-confidence in the form humility, but I was asking myself why I even thought that any university would love to have me there. Then came a great moment, when Yale sent me an acceptance into their Infectious Diseases clerkship. I could see my plan forming a little bit, moving a couple of steps.

And then it stopped again. No more acceptance emails. I needed at least one more elective to get the minimum required US Clinical Experience (USCE). And nothing. One fine day, I get an email from Harvard saying I was accepted into their elective. The elective that clashed with my Yale dates. I had to reject it. I remember saying to my mother on the day I left for the US, “if I get one more elective, it’s a sign from God that this is the path I’m meant to take.” Harvard decided to smile upon me yet again and offered me a second elective, this one at none other than Mass Gen Hospital. Yes, during those two months, I felt pretty great about myself.

The USMLE exams are a whole different ballgame. Studying for them was tough, yes. But, sitting through an 8 hours exam for the first time ever, is enough to knock you flat. I knew I didn’t do fantastically well on it. When I got my score, I knew it was good. But that’s just what it was. Good. Not the best, not awesome, not the see-the-score-read-the-eras-profile kind of score. When I took the Step 2 CS, I was sure I had given it everything I had. I wasn’t sure whether it was enough though. I think everyone needs to take this exam once in their lives. It is so real and so strange. I was pretty sure I was going to fail it, actually. Because I thought my cases were weird. Now I know everyone says the same thing after coming out of this exam. I was most petrified of that result. The moment I saw that ‘PASS’ written on my score report, I started crying. That was a first. Crying because I felt like I’d gotten some major victory under my belt.

It was after this result that I went into a sort of manic mode. I decided that applying immediately would serve me best. I ended up taking the Step 2 CK as late as I possibly could, but still early enough that I’d be eligible to apply in Match 2015. That exam was a disaster. When I came out of the Prometric Centre, I knew I would be questioning what went wrong in my head, when I decided to take this whole USMLE plan through. Even now, I feel a mix of relief and disappointment when I think of my CK score.

My next questioning moment was when I applied to fewer programs than everyone else in the same boat. When I was doing my research, it made sense to me, to apply to programs that could see me as a potential candidate. Why should I apply to a program that said they wanted 3 months USCE when I had only 2? Why would I apply to a program that was situated in a place I knew I’d never stay in? So, yes, it all made sense at that time. After MyEras opened and people started getting interview calls from everywhere, I questioned all of that rationality. What harm would it have done to apply to a few more?? When I got my first interview call, I was delighted. Again, this plan appeared to move further towards its destination. Then came the stop. Nothing more for almost 1.5 months. I started thinking back-up plans, avoiding my own thoughts to avoid my own questions and wondering why at 24, I couldn’t even believe that I was 24 years old.

Going to the interviews was nerve-wracking to say the least. I had half a mind to not get into that US-bound aircraft. I was more than happy to run away and figure out something else for myself. I had to keep playing all those morals I had learnt from Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings in my head to give me courage to face this head on. It did not matter that I actually had fun at the interviews, met new people, made conversations with students from all over the world and felt great about my chances. When I came back, I had another disaster heading towards me – my ECFMG certification.

Once you get your degree, you send ECFMG (the Dean’s Office for International Medical Graduates) a copy of that degree. They look through it and then send a form to your medical school, asking them to verify stuff from their side. The school is supposed to do this and then resend the form to ECFMG who finally verify your medical credentials and issue the ECFMG certificate. As has been the pattern in my USMLE prep, this took ages. I had to get certified before the last date of Rank-Listing. Phone calls to ECFMG and trips to my medical school did not seem to fasten the process. That was the first time, I decided to bury my head in the sand and just let go of this dream. It was sort of my fault that this process did not happen earlier, right? If I’d planned things properly from the very first day of my internship, I’d have spent a happy February with nothing to worry about. Instead, I spent sleepless nights and frowning days, avoided talking about the future even when my parents pushed for it, dove into fiction as if it were my last tank of oxygen. When that certificate was issued 6 days before the last day of Rank-Listing, I felt like a phoenix rising from the ashes. I was reborn. At least now, if I did not match, it would be because I wasn’t good enough. Not because I didn’t have the documents in place.

You’d think that believing something like that, rejection because you’re not good enough, would be a blow to your mental health. But, I’d rather have a failure that I could blame myself for. Maybe this is a little childish, but it gives me a sense of clarity to think like that.

Now, lets come to Match Week. Frankly, I did not believe that it was really happening, All that I’ve done, the electives, the exams, the interviews still feel like a dream. I’ve never thought that I could be brave enough to do it all, so looking back, it doesn’t seem real. I couldn’t believe that I would match because of this whole dream thing. I mean, how could it really happen right? How could a dream just become reality?

I had a sleepless Sunday night. Having avoided the thoughts for the whole day by keeping my mind busy, I couldn’t bring my mind to calm down during the night. I was jittery. I had to attend a new OPD, shadow a new consultant on Monday. That always makes me a little nervous. Add on these nerves, and I was pretty gone. I jumped at the opportunity to convert this OPD day into a research day instead. Then I plugged on my head phones and listened to music and buried myself in the records section of the hospital. When evening came though, there was nothing else left. No defence mechanisms that could suppress the thoughts of not matching and having to deal with SOAP (the post-Match Supplemental Offer and Acceptance Program). When you are in a time zone that’s 9 hours ahead of the US, it sucks to participate in the SOAP. You can’t be physically present for any interviews that might come your way. You have be up all night to make sure you at least get a skype or telephone interview. And you have just 2 hours to accept an offer. This goes on for 3 whole days. If you are at an institute like mine, where you are busy all day from 7 am in the morning, this is a nightmare.

It goes without saying that I did not want to have to go through SOAP. But, I couldn’t stop stressing, couldn’t stop thinking. And then fate decided to intervene. The wifi connection at my house decided to give way. Completely. And it refused to right itself. Suddenly my thought were torn from having to participate in the SOAP to whether or not I would be able to even see my Match status in the first place. I had to make the decision to come back to my hostel room and rely on the so-s- wifi here. That relaxed me a little. For a while I had to think about arranging transport to the hostel, my food requirements, etc.

Of course, the moment I got to my room and set things up, the jitters came back. This time, good old site-load helped me through. I couldn’t open the NRMP pages fast enough, there was no message anywhere saying that I had/hadn’t matched. That made me believe I hadn’t matched of course. So I went onto the SOAP link. And it said: You’re not Eligible for SOAP.

There is only one reason why you go from being SOAP Eligible on the Friday before Match Week to being SOAP Ineligible on the Monday of Match Week. Several agonising minutes later, I saw the message that calmed me to numbness, such a strange numbness I think I floated out of my body and saw myself sleeping peacefully for the next three nights in that hostel room bed.

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE MATCHED!

I think in the line of major achievements, this by far trumps everything. I don’t know where I’m going to my residency. I know that the places I interviewed at, I loved. So anything I get will be awesome and make me happy. I can’t ask for any more. What I can do now, is reflect on how this journey helped me grow up a little. I know if it hadn’t been for this decision, I would never have ventured out of my own city. Instead, I flew all over the US twice in the past year and am now spending a month in Hyderabad by myself. I would never have been capable of believing that I can meet new people and make new friends, and not feel out of place. I would never have known that I do have the mindset and belief to see myself through anything.

I never believed that I’d ever take the path less trodden. Robert Frost’s “The Road Not Taken” had struck a big chord back in school. But I never thought I’d embark upon something like that. You always hear stuff like, challenge yourself, get out of your comfort zone, the success you achieve by going straight ahead is never sweet enough. But do you actually do it? I’d like to believe this me doing that. Yes, I always wanted to get my further education in the US. But I saw myself going through SAT/GRE and getting into some academic program there. When I got into medical school, those dreams were buried by the wealth of knowledge there was, to accumulate.

I never liked Frodo Baggins in LOTR. I felt he was too dark, too depressing in his journey to destroy that Ring. I understand him now. Yes, my life was never in danger, I did not have to worry about the basic necessities of life in this journey, but it was a journey that questioned me, a journey that put obstacles in my path, a journey that challenged but did give some respites.

I have always loved Harry Potter for facing challenges head-on and getting through it all. He was the first to say he always had help, but what use is the help if you don’t have the courage to stand in the battlefield? I had to dig deep into my own stores of courage, gather every dialogue from both these series that shaped my childhood. I might still not feel very worthy of any new achievement that may come my way. But, I know that if I could snag a residency in the US, be the first from my entire family to do it in medicine and feel proud of myself right now, I will be able to do anything I want in the future.

My family and God, thank you so much for supporting me through this and allowing me this opportunity. To my Idol, the late Kalpana Chawla. You talked about a journey from a small village in India to the stars. You have always been my inspiration, from the time I had a photo of the whole Columbia Team stuck to my study table, to every interview where I talked about you and your incredible journey. I hope that this leap I am taking from my own small city to the Land of the Free will help me build my own new dreams and reach for my own stars.

I matched! Game, Set, Match J

The Olympics - A Story

The London Olympics got a grand close, just like the wonderfully British Welcome they had received 17 days back. It is surprising how these Games got over so fast. They were to last for 17 days. How these 17 days raced past us, cannot be expressed in words! I guess my favourite part of the Opening Ceremony was Voldemort making his grand entry. As an avid Harry Potter fan, there is something in that guy that makes me love him for being a part of Harry’s world. This is what happens when a series that made the formative years of your childhood, comes to an end. You end up liking all the villains too, because they remind you of that wonderful story that filled you up with hope, courage and the effervescent feeling that you are not, and will never be, alone.

My second favourite moment was the sequence of the Queen entering the Ceremony. Having the knowledge that Royals have a code of behavior that cannot be shaken, I felt that it was really sporting of the Queen to agree to show the fun side of herself too J

My third favourite (and this is because it is my favourite in every Olympics) was the lighting of the Olympic Flame. There are so many ways to do it. Trust Danny Boyle to take the kinkiest, most beautiful way. The petals provided to each country came together to burn together, as if to signify the message of the Olympics in fire : Peace, Brotherhood and Togetherness. Thank You for that spectacle Mr. Boyle. If nothing else, this shall be remembered for generations to come.

I want to take this Opportunity to list down some athletes who struck a chord, who scripted history, who got those medals, whose smiles and happiness at winning, showed why the Olympics are so special.

At the top of the list :

ANDY MURRAY:

So it the usual practice for me to support Andy Murray when Rafa isn’t around. Andy has had the misfortune of playing in an era when there are three players (Rafa, Roger, Novak) better than him. Try as hard he can, he can’t beat them all. Umtimately, he ends up getting beaten by one of them any way. People (and these three too) say that Andy’s time will come. But, hey, time doesn’t wait for anyone. Andy’s chances of winning a Grand Slam seem to get slimmer by the day. A month back, I abandoned watching the Wimbledon Final between him and Roger because, after a breath-taking first set, he played a loser’s game and managed to lose a match that could’ve left him saying, “I won the Wimbledon. Now I can die in peace.” Instead, on that podium, he cried his heart out. Imagine my terror when he was set to play Novak in the Semi-final of the Olympics. I had relegated him to the bronze medal match. It was such a relieving surprise to read that he won that match in straight sets!!

But, then came the opponent for the Gold Medal. Roger Federer. Man, I couldn’t believe his luck. Federer had managed to get past Del Potro ( who I like for the simple reason that he won that US Open back in 2010, beating both Novak and Roger) in three sets, the third 19-17. That was not a result to get, especially when you support Del Potro. Any way, point is, this Final would be a repeat of the Wimbledon Final. I couldn’t see a different result. But, a different result is what Andy had in store. He played like a MANIAC. I can imagine how Einstein must’ve worked when he started to solve the problem that lead to E=MC*2. Andy got a Gold Medal instead. A fine gold medal at his own Olympics.. That day, Mr. Andy Murray, you just pushed yourself up by a 1000 steps. You can only go forward from here J Thank You J

USAIN BOLT:

A bolt of lightning. Frankly, I don’t watch much of Athletics. But, at the Olympics, that is my main attraction. And Mr. Usain Bolt comes and steals your breath away (and I mean just one, max two breaths, ‘coz he finishes his races in that much time!!) It is so difficult to defend your own titles. Especially, when they come in timings like 9.63 and 19.32 seconds. But, you did it. In style. Wow.

They can talk about Yohan Blake, Tyson Gay, Justin Gatlin, Asafa Powell all they want. You are Usain Bolt. And, you shall beat them any way. I actually stayed up to watch your 100m and 200m final. Just to watch you win. It was worth every minute of the staying J That’s saying something for races that, combined, took less than half a minute :-p

By the way, Volunteer kid Chris is a really lucky guy. He got your cap with a 2 minute conversation. What would I do to be in his place!!

MICHAEL PHELPS:

There is one and there shall always be one. Beijing is remembered for two things: The grand opening ceremony and Michael Phelps and his astonishing octet of medals.

Obviously, it was difficult this time. You wouldn’t be human to win Golds in all the six events you’d entered into. This time there were Silvers and a Bronze around your neck. Hey, different colours always look good J You became the most celebrated athlete in Olympic history. 22 bloody medals!! 22. 18 golds. They presented you with that trophy. That just isn’t enough. 22 medals!! Wow. You have inspired not one, but two or even three generations to take up swimming.

I feel so incredibly lucky to be born in an era where you have been at your best. Out-of-the-world stuff, and I was there to watch it!! Great stories for the next generations to come J

MARK ZONDERLAND:

I do not understand much of Men’s Gymnastics. Most of them do the same stuff. The only place I give them different marks, in their landing. But, even a novice like me, knew I was watching something spectacular when Mark Zonderland started his routine on the single bar. Gasps echoed all through the watching crowd. The crazy stuff he did, had people standing up, mouths open, eyes pouting out of their sockets. When he landed (perfect by the way), you didn’t even need scores to tell that he’d done it. He beat the German guy by a comfortable margin.

I don’t know whether you’ll be able to produce a near-perfect spectacle like that again, Mr. Zonderland. But, for that Gold Medal performance and your infectious smile, I shall look out for you next time. Thank You for that one-minute trip to Wonderland!!

DAVID RUDISHA:

One Man Army. In the real world, you do not lead a 800m race from the start and still manage to finish first, let alone break your own world record in the process. But then, Mr. Rudisha wasn’t running in the real world any way. He was running in the Olympics. He was running his own race. The first individual world record to be broken at the London Olympics, and there couldn’t be a better guy to do it. Hats off Sir. Hats off. You are a wonder!

SUSHIL KUMAR:

We had to wait for that last day to see this wonderful guy in action. I would seem very mean here, but I don’t see how Indian sportsmen can repeat their feats of glory every four years. In a country starved off medals, any athlete who brings home a medal is so hyped up by the media, he manages to disappear into oblivion in the next Games. It happened to Rajvardhan Rathore, it happened to Abhinav Bindra, and it happened to Vijender Singh. I saw it coming to Sushil Kumar too.

But that is what sets this guy apart. He managed to keep himself grounded, practiced hard, won important tournaments when it mattered and gave himself confidence and hope that he could win again. He said he would change the colour of his medal. That he did. With a lot of confidence. A Silver Medal to the guy who was made the Flag-Bearer of India in the Opening Ceremony. A deserving choice for that honour. Today, he is the only Indian to have two consecutive medals in the Olympics. I can’t think of anyone who deserves this piece of history more than Sushil Kumar. Proud to be an Indian J

MC MARY KOM:

If there were a few people I would bet on, for Gold medals, she would head that list. Her story to success is, in itself inspiring. Then, you see her. You see her confidence, her smile, her humility. You get inspired further. A married woman, mother of two kids, a woman whose husband gave up everything to see her succeed….a boxer who reached several heights of boxing throughout her career but who could never get a chance to enter Olympic glory. When she finally did, she was 29 and her weight category wasn’t included. She boxed her way to a Bronze (Nicole Adams is just too strong) medal. It was disappointing, but then, she got a Medal. That, she does deserve. Every single bit. We don’t know where the road will take you next, Mary Kom. But, wherever you go, every woman shall come to you and say, “Thank You.” You’ve given us what we all dearly need in this country. The confidence to fight.

PARUPALLI KASHYAP:

Admidst all the celebrations for Saina Nehwal, one person has been forgotten. This is the first Indian Male player to reach the badminton quarter-final in the Olympics. Wow. He wasn’t even tipped as a medal contender. He was just another of the Badminton squad sent to London. While all the limelight was placed on Nehwal, Jwala Gutta-Ashwini Ponappa and Gutta-Diju, Mr. Kashyap probably just practiced on his own, getting his best shots in order to stand a chance.

They say Luck and God favour the bold and hard-working. That is exactly what happened. Mr. Kashyap was nicknamed “Giant Killer” as he set about contriving the defeats of top-ranked players. This was true sports. No hye, just plain sweat, toil and determination. He had to bow out in the quarters to that Malaysian guy who won the Silver. During that time, he captured the imagination of millions (and the hearts of many girls, I’m sure. He’s pretty cute J). I hope you improve upon your performance in Rio. Would love to see a Bronze at least, against your name, Mr. Kashyap.

GAGAN NARANG:

The shocking news of Abhinav Bindra crashing out of qualification seemed hard to digest to the entire nation. I guess, the defending champion not being able to enter the final, made us forget that there was another, a stronger and more stable, Indian in the fray. And, in pretty good form too. That final was nerve –racking. You didn’t seem at your best. Other than Mary Kom, you were my bet for the Gold. You deserved it, after 2 previous heart-breaking Olympics. But, then, does the colour really matter? A medal is a medal. Its not like the Gold Medalist worked much harder than you did. A Podium finish. That’s what you wanted, and that’s what you got.

India’s first medal in these Olympics came to a guy, who really deserved it. That medal means more to us than a Gold. We llok forward to many more J

VIJAY KUMAR:

An Army-Subedar participated in the Olympics, and the nation didn’t even know. Then that Army-Subedar won the first Silver of these Olympics, ans suddenly the whole nation was singing praises of this guy, as if they had been sure of him all along. Welcome to India J

Vijay Kumar, you are the epitome of concentration and restraint. People would jump about and dance if they’d won silver. You looked back with a slight smile on your face and raise your hand. That’s it. Army really does discipline you completely.

That final was fantastic! You were in medal contention throughout. And, really, that Silver was what you deserved and no less. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. You came out of nowhere to capture the imagination of the nation. I hope you manage to maintain that. Thank you J      

OSCAR PISTORUS:

Around two years back, a double amputee dared to dream about competing with the able-bodied. Others would have been happy competing in the Para-Olympics.  Not Mr. Pistorus. He challenged, questioned, fought. Ultimately, he got what he wanted – a chance to compete in the London Olympics 2012. What is inspiring about this guy is his will and guts. He knows he has to work twice or maybe thrice as hard as the rest to match up to them. But, he won’t give up. That is what works for him.

Luck favours the brave and again it did here too. South Africa made it into the Final of the 4X100 relay although they couldn’t complete the heat, thanks to a push by some Kenyan Athlete. He pushed the second South-African down and he ended up with a dislocated shoulder. South Africa appealed and they got into the Final. Yes, they came 8^th. But, you know what, Oscar Pistorus ran like there was no future to his existence without this race. He ran the race of his life. And I saw the race of my life. You totally deserved to run in that final. Seeing you run, I know I have one of those inspiring moments I can look back upon when things aren’t looking up for me. Bravo!!

GAIR MARIAL:

He wanted to run but his country has no Olympic Committee. How could he manage to get here then? In the spirit of the Games, the IOA put forth their hand. And Marial ran under the Olympic flag. I waited 17 days to watch him run in that Men’s Marathon. When he crossed the finish line, he had created his own history. When you want to do something and you find yourself facing a load of obstacles, stop and think calmly. Usually, there is a way out. Marial proved it. So good to know that when you want something really bad, you manage to somehow figure everything out J

CHRIS HOY:

Yeah, you’d won a cupboard full of medals before. Yes, there were younger players out there. Yes, this is your last Olympics. But, yes, you had the determination to do it yet again (7^th medal I think, and 7^th gold). The oldest guy in the pack came away with the Gold. And then, not just Britain, the whole world raised a toast to a legend who ended things in style and how. You ROCK!!

SAINA NEHWAL:

It was disappointing to win the Bronze the way she did. But, I’m selfish and I’m glad she won it. This girl’s been one determined woman. She hasn’t gone the Sania Mirza way. Instead, she has managed to keep herself grounded and yearns to keep winning. Yeah, I think she deserved a lot more than a Bronze. But, it isn’t easy to scale that Chinese mountain. You can’t get it your way everytime. I’m happy for her but I wish that in Rio, she does manage to change the colour of that medal.

Yes. That’s the people who really made an impact on me this time. I enjoyed watching every bit of the Olympics. I can’t wait for Rio 2016…the only regret is that, well, everyone will be four years older, including me :-p

Outside My Comfort Zone

A moment of personal victory for me was to receive an E-mail from the Moving Academy of Medicine and Biomedicine telling me that I had been selected among the 40 people from all over India to attend a Foundation Workshop of Clinical and Laboratory Medicine Research. When I initially sent my ICMR proposal to them, I did not expect to get through. It was a wonderful feeling to see that e-mail and know that I had a marvelous experience coming up in the next month. My only regret is that I won't be able to spend my birthday with the people closest to me. However, the way I'll spend my birthday this year sounds pretty great too :-))
On Saturday (4th August), members of Medical and Educational Perspective, a non-profit organisation looking to come up with low-cost innovative equipment to better the health situation in India and other developing countries, visited BJ. We interacted with them and what struck me most was that they were so seriously concerned with wanting to do something to improve Medical Science and Healthcare. There were medical students, MD students, PhD students and Bio-Medical Engineering students too...all with a common goal. It made me ask myself why I, as a budding doctor in India, should not be as concerned about the situation here and strive to do something about it.
Talking to them, I realised how differently we are brought up by the educational system in India. You are moulded to run in a particular direction. Yes, at times you may deviate a little and do something outstanding. But, ultimately, you are pushed onto that straight path with a pre-decided goal. These guys, instead, are forced to think differently and originally. They are forced to use their heads, heart and creativity and imagination. They are forced to take that path which deviates outside of normal and stay there...it is so refreshing!! I was delighted that I managed to interact with them. I was disappointed at the same time, because due to our poor timing (what with it being Final year and prelims coming up), I won't be able to really be a part of the project that they want to undertake here in India..ah well, maybe soon enough...
My Ethics Committee saga may come to an end...I'm not sure yet. I'll need an entire post to describe it. I'm just going to say that if there were ever a bunch of idiots with egos as huge as Jupiter, they were all hand-picked from the various parts of the world they lived in, and placed in BJ Medical College as the Ethics Committee.    

Spanish Armada : Long Live the Giants of The Beautiful Game

Seventh Heaven and More :-))

If anybody ever questions me, "Why is Rafael Nadal your most favourite sportsman ever?" again, I shall only throw this picture into their faces.

KING OF CLAY

Congrats Rafa!!! You are AWESOME!!! What a journey so far!! And there are so many more to come!! When you celebrated on Monday, we all did :-)) Vamos!!!