The Expected and The Unexpected

Our Third Minor results were declared on 22nd February (Wednesday). I have come 2nd this time- an aggregate of 292/400 (73%). I also managed a Distinction in Ophthalmology :-)
I was so freaked out when I heard that the results were out online. I have never been the kind of a person to get freaked out by results, you know. I actually pride myself on my control and temperament at such a time. This time, however, things were different. For one, last year's accomplishment kept replaying itself in my head. I really don't care much about what people say or think, but after last year's score and the shock everyone got, I know I was probably the first person who's marks would be checked by one and all- "Lets see how much last year's topper scored!" I did not want to be a one-time lucky shot kinda thing. I have that talent and determination in me, and getting a good score this year would only serve to emphasise this very fact.
I know, for a fact, that I did not study as much as I should have this time. I definitely did NOT study as much as I had in my IInd year. I got involved in things other than pure academics, the Ophthalmology and Paediatrics Quiz came up, I wasn't in the right state of mind for a major part of my PLs...and there I was, telling myself I was well-prepared, when I knew I wasn't. It was too much to ask for a top rank. All I prayed for, was a score that would keep my integrity and my mindset intact.
Going back to the time I heard results were out, I couldn't get myself to go online. Instead, I did what I have never in my wildest dreams, thought I would do. I called up a school friend and told her to talk about everything other than results. Sweet that she is, she agreed and the next half hour was spent in chatting about everyday happenings in our parallel lives...It calmed me down. It really did. When I was ready, I went online to check my score.
Funny thing really, I got disappointed when I saw it. I thought I'd managed a 60%. The relief that a 300/400 gives my mind can obviously not be given by a 292/400, as close as it is to that 300. Well, and that 292 underlined the fact that there had to be people ahead of me. Human that I am, I was disappointed. The only aspect of my scorecard that brightened my mood, was that 76/100 in Ophthalmology. Now, I have Distinctions to boast about, in every exam until now :-) (Biochemistry, Pathology, Microbiology, Ophthalmology).
The topper this time has got 76%. There is a 12 mark difference between us. But, I know she deserves every bit of it and well, at least I came 2nd :-)
I hope I can do better than this in my Final Year. It is my last chance and I want to give it all I have. I know that I have it in me to get to that Rank 1 and 2....I can't get there 2 years in a row by fluke, right? I'm delighted that I could make my Mother (an Ophthalmologist) stand tall and say, "My daughter got a Distinction in Ophthalmology" :-) In fact, having also represented BJ in the Ophthalmology quiz, I have done all that is possible with that subject :-) That was my aim when I first fell in love with that subject in January 2011:-)
I'm a pleased person today. I have done well enough and I am pretty proud of that. It is another issue that my family is happier than I am...it is strange, how your loved ones can manage to make you happier than you actually feel :-)) Love you all, guys!! Thank You :-)

Officially Into Second Year:

Out of the blue, the results rained down upon us, and I am very happy, relieved and pleasantly surprised to announce to the ENTIRE world, that I have officially stepped into the second year!!!
My marks are not the best there can be, definitely not ones that I'm used to. But, considering my plight before the exams ( having to 'cover up' marks in Anat, in the Univs), and my overall, quite a packed year, with activities other than studying for 12 hours a day, I am glad its all over.
In fact, having looked at my marks, I am delighted that I can happily throw those bones away and put away my Anat books never to look at them again. Of course, thats not true. We have a surgery term, and definitely need Anat here. But, the point is, now I can actually LIKE anatomy and do it at the same time.
I got a distinction in Biochemistry ( considered to be quite an achievement by my mom), and I am very happy I could do it. All through the year, I have maintained that Biochem is my favourite subject. Doing well in a subject you like, is always incredibly satisfying. I expected more from Physiology, but I am not in the mood to give my paper for a re-evaluation. 'Be content with what you have' is a motto I quite strictly follow where my marks are concerned.
There are a lot of people who have got more than I have. It is not a scenario I am used to. But, strangely I don't even care, because I was so afraid that Anatomy might just prove to be, what I always thought it to be: My Nemesis.
Plus, my internal points sucked. To the core. So frankly, I've scored a lot more in the final University exam, than a lot of people. But, my internals pulled me down to what I have. Which is 'average'.
Its the first time I'm so satisfied with an average that, try as hard as I can, I can't even be unhappy! I've promised myself that I'm going to study from day 1, and I have started too. Plus, I love Pharmacology. I could read it forever. So its a good start.

Moving over to Vedant 2009, we did quite a bit of work over the past one week. Organising committees devoted to individual events, sending out search parties for potential sponsors, sending out delegations to different colleges in the city to invite them..... it has been fun. I am devoted to the English debate. It took quite a brainstorming session of about 4 hrs to come up with rules. We still have the judges left to decide.
Right now, though, Vedant has been put on hold, with the outbreak of Swine Flu in Pune. It has become a situation and the city isn't quite capable of handling things well. We've had three deaths, and many positive throat-swab results. Colleges have been shut down for at least a week, and we have to wait for our Dean's decision on Tuesday, to decide the fate of our event.
With the amount of work we've put into it, one part of me wants it carry on. But, there's also the less confident second half of me, which fears managing the event, and so wants the stop. We'll see what happens. Till then, hope to enjoy the glory of officially becoming a second year student. :-)

Examinations - The Chapter

I've tried my level best to try and describe Exam Time in a Medical College....And failed....MISERABLY. Mostly because I didn't have the time to write all that I felt. So I thought, I'd try right now....only a little differently. Through chunks out of my Diary which would describe what I went through them.

* Dates to remember:

26th May, 2009 - Anatomy paper 1

27th May, 2009 - Anatomy paper 2

29th May, 2009 - Physiology paper 1

30th May, 2009 - Physiology paper 2

1st June, 2009 - Biochemistry paper 1

2nd June, 2009 - Biochemistry paper 2

30th June, 2009 - Anatomy Practical

2nd July, 2009 - Physiology Practical

5th July, 2009 - Biochemistry Practical

Excerpts from my Diary:

8/5/2009:

" Well, things aren't going all that well. I just CAN'T seem to FINISH!! I was supposed to end a 1st revision on Sunday. And its just not happening! I'm gonna push to Tuesday and hope I can still manage 3 revisions. But, you know me, Jili. So it all looks a little bleak."

11/5/2009:

" Managed a fair bit of Central Nervous System ( Physiology) and I'm actually on top of the world!! Its funny, how small things just make me smile like anything!!! Things are a little tough, but I'm, well not enjoying, but keeping the humour intact. After all, ur spirits need to be up in the high sky to make it through all this, right?"

19/5/2009:

" Alright, I'm a little worked up here. I knew I'd said I'm not going to take tension, but, wen you are way behind a schedule you've had to change twice to make sure you manage stuff once at least, you are in murky waters there. And, can you believe it, its Physiology that's getting me worked up. Not 'coz, I haven't done it once. Its because, I haven't done it twice!! Anatomy, I have 5 days. I can move the heaven of Anat on earth if I have to. But Physio's getting unnerving here. Ok, girl, cool down. Deep breaths. Remember that weirdly dark sky that you have neen seeing at 2:30 and 3:00 in the morning for the last few days. And smile. They're all there to sail you through. You are gonna pass. I promise."

Well, I really did have it coming to me. Especially since I couldn't move the heaven of Anat on earth in those last five days. But, I guess that happens to everyone. The papers were much better than I thought they might be. And considering that I was pretty much on the verge of puking and fainting just before my Anat papers, I'm glad, I came out with a smile saying " Its over!!" At that time, I knew I'd done well, because I wrote everything that I could remember. Looking back, I'm not so sure. But, its Medicine and this stuff does happen. Physiology and Biochemistry were good too, although the last paper ( Bchem II) was definitely the worst of the five. Point is, you can't expect to have six smashing papers. In fact, we'd been warned that either paper I or paper II is tough. So, since the paper Is went well, there was always the fear that the paper IIs would be disasterous. So, I'm happy that my worst paper was the last, and I didn't even have the energy to ponder much on it.

Excerpt from my entry on 3/6/2009:

" Exam's reduced all the weight I put on. It has worn me down; mentally, physically, inevery way possible. All those 2-3 o'clock nights the week preceeding and all the 40hour sleeps in the past week.... But, its over!! And for the pracs, its not going to be like this. So, I'm dead pleased."

Practicals was a whole different ball game, as I managed to realise, a triffle late if I may be permitted to say. It included our journals ( to be learnt cover to cover) and the ENTIRE portion for the grand viva. So, I got worried sick about Anatomy again. And it was pretty bad too. We had revision practicals and they were definitely better than I thought they might go. But, its me, and I always seem to believe that I am the worst BJ can get, at Anat. Its not true, but its something that has stuck on, despite having decent practicals. So, I'm just relieved that its all over, and praying hard that I don't have to do it again. Physiology and Biochemistry practicals were good too. Biochemistry actually qualified for " Good", in the real sense of the word. They were not exciting, nothing out of the ordinary. Just simple, quiet practicals. It is another matter that we were all absolutely impatient to get over with it all and say " Finally, its OVER!"

So, I'm going to say: The last four months have been the toughest and I definitely do NOT want a re-run of them in the years to come. I've learnt my lesson and its time I start studying from day one....Not as seriously as " I've got exams tomorrow" , but serious enough to prevent blotchy entries in my diary saying " I've got exams tomorrow". We're told that first year is the toughest. I've just put a bit of it behind me. And wait for my results to make sure that all of it is behind me.

Till then, I've decided to catch up on sleep, books and 'time-pass' that I've sorely missed doing in the past few months. They have really shaped my life, and I find it hard to believe that I finally have free time!! So, I'm lazying around. And doing it well. Friends, family and books.....and a new " Learn to Drive A Car".....I've got almost nothing on my plate (compared to the past months)..... and am making the most out of it.

Back To College

It hasn't been the easiest of tasks really. I actually like staying at home. I guess college is , well, not as great a place as home is. There were times when I used to look forward to going to school. And there were times when I used to look forward to going to class. Now, there's these times when I don't look forward to going to college. I've had to get myself ready, mentally, to just go through the days. That's what I don't like. The going to college thing. If I had it my way, I'd just sit at home and study. Thats way better and much more interesting.
Any way, college has been boring. We got about half of our results. I, sort of, did well in Biochem. 34 in theory and 30 in my pracs. A whole of 64. I passed. And that's what had me smiling. Anatomy marks just told me that I suck at it. And its gonna be much more than mugging up anatomy books thats going to help me there. My marks aren't worth disclosing, as much as I talk on this blog. Lets just say, I've got a lot to catch up in the prelims, and Thank God we have Anatomy for just a year. We're getting Physiology tomorrow and I think I'll pass, unless my pracs give me a big nightmare.
Among the newer stuff, Head and neck is quite tough. And I've sort of gained the will to study. So I'm studying quite a bit. Lets see how long the momentum lasts. It should last till about my prelims, so that I'll be ready by May to give the University exams.
We've now got an Anatomy seminar coming up. I'm quite interested, so I'm hoping that I get the chance to speak. Thats all thats happening. I'm just trying to adjust to college once more. Somehow those five days were so relaxing, my entire state of mind had changed. Its time to come back now, 'coz its show-time!! Yeah, right!

Exam Time - 2

We're officially half way through the terms now. We had our third and final theory paper today. It wasn't as good I wanted it to be. But, I've learnt to make up lines and lines of absolutely meaningful bullshit in these three papers, and that counts for something. Today was no different. There were questions I could have answered in one line, but because they were for 4 marks, I had to fill up the page with serious crap!! Guess, if any of my teachers come across this entry they will be nodding their heads off in agreement. Sorry guys, sorry having to make you go through the torture of reading some of my answers, but please know that if it hadn't been for the marks, I wouldn't have bothered!
Tomorrow starts the second innings of our term-match: the practicals. We have biochem tomorrow, and on the eve of such a practical, my friends and I are battling the big questions. " Are the journals allowed for the Quantitative analysis? Or do we mug up our entire journal?" Well, its a funny life during exam time, really. I've just finished with about 6 experiments, and am pretty sure I don't exactly remember which principle stands for which experiment. But, we've got about three hours in hand. So I'm hoping to be successful at mugging. And hoping my head off that the journals are allowed.
Am I scared of the viva? Well, not really. And thats not because I know my subject very well. I have become accustomed to really bad areas of experience. Tomorrow might just be one of those. So who cares! I'm looking at the university examination as my goal. So if things go terribly wrong tomorrow, I've made up my mind not to take it to heart.
Guess, that about explains my attitude. Looking forward to tomorrow in ways........

Exam Time - 1

Anatomy was bad. I won't spend much time describing my feelings when I saw the paper. The gist of it all is simply that yesterday, I realised what people mean when they say that medical is vast, and that anatomy is never easy. I can't believe that I studied as much as I did for a paper which turned out to be a disaster really. I might just pass, but failing looks like a more dependable option here.
Physiology was good. It was as different as as it could be from the Anatomy paper, and I felt so COOL looking at the paper and realising that I could actually choose which answers to write and which not, because almost all of them! I am definitely passing in this one. The only way I can fail in here, is if they're way to strict about the checking.
Biochem up next. I'm studying for it, hope things will work out well. Good Nite!!

The New Year

I am terrified of the idea of writing my paper tomorrow. And when I say terrified, I mean it. I am going through the usual, pre-exam ritual of forgetting things, that I had learnt so well about a day back, so you see it geta a little tough. Still, I might manage somehow in Anatomy. Physiology is nowhere within my reach at the moment, and half a day is just not enough any way.
So obviously, my New Year's resolution is to study more, and more regularly. So that by the time I finish with my first year, things won't be in the state they are right now. How glad will I be when Jan 9th gets over!!
Its the first time I haven't stayed up till 12 to welcome the New Year. But I guess, things do change with time. And 2008 wasn't all that great. I got into BJ Medical ( something way beyond my dreams) , yeah. But the life after that hasn't exactly been a smooth sailing. So this was a mixed year. Regrets? Not many. I wasn't able to write my usual favorite year-end in my diary yesterday. That has been a hard one to swallow. It just won't be the same when I write it on the 9th.
Well, gotta get back to pushing things into my head now. Just really nervous. I want at least 30 so have to make that happen. I am gonna be happiest creature on earth when I finish with the terms.....And even happier ( and that is possible) if I pass all my subjects! I promise to study more and regularly, God! Just let me off this time and pass me in all three,PLZ!!!!

The Weekend Before The Exams

Its tough, trying to think of exams from next week, precisely, next Friday. And I'm not exactly completely prepared. So I'm in major soups of all sorts. I'm really worried about Physiology. But hopefully I'll manage somehow. What I really wanted to write about was the dissection we started this week. Its the Head and Neck, and we dissected the scalp and even the brain. AND I LOVED IT ALL!!!!!! Its like one of the biggest things in my life really! Me and liking dissection and even doing it. The brain looked amazing! It looks just like the way we draw it. The other body parts differ, but this looks exactly the same, as the diagrams we take mintues to master. Guess, that really took me by surprise. I was thinking of sitting in the library today. Unfortunately, the maintenance work had to come up today itself, so well, my experience of studying in the library has to wait a little longer. Maybe Monday. I'm thinking of trying to finish with Biochem this weekend. Hopefully I'll be successful in this attempt at least. I've put pictures of our brain dissection.....Its not as gross as it looks!

Seminar Over!! Oh and also the Submission

It wasn't all that bad. In fact, I think I would have given a great presentation had I not been told to finish a 15 min gig in 7 mins. But, I enjoyed doing it. I wasn't scared at all, as I thought I might be, and it was amazing to come up with a presentation which garnered comments like, " The slides were amazing, the animation great. I wish you'd had more time." We had a situation in the middle, with one of my friends fainting and going into a fit on stage while giving his presentation. He really scared us all. But, thankfully, we got it all back. Basically, it was a good seminar. I wish we'd communicated more with the teachers. It would only have turned out better. The audience was about 50 people. We expected less, but thought that people would attend the seminar at least for the sake of attendance. Guess the thinking was wrong, but the expectation right.
The gist of it all is that I'm thankful that I took Therapeutic Uses, really grateful to Mom for doing what she did and simply enjoyed presentating my entire slide show. Even the laser beam, which hadn't worked throughout the seminar, worked for me!!
Moving over to the submission, I really thought I'd go blank when I stood in front of our batch-teacher. But, luckily, he called us in groups of three and asked Prajakta, Prabhjot and me questions whose answers we actually knew. We all got 24 out of 30, the highest in our batch. I know, I don't really deserve it, because I'm basically still clueless about Abdomen, but for the sake of a good day, I wanted the submission to go well. Didn't want it like last time, where I got a 12 and was left cursing myself all through the remainder of the day. So, 20th Dec, considered to be a sort of landmark in the last few months of year 2008, has passed and passed well. No real regrets , just a terminal exam to look forward to. Not a nice thought, but if I could manage today, I can manage that too.

4 Days For The Seminar

I know it sounds strange, but I'm more worried about the seminar than my abdomen submission, which happens to be on the same day. But I guess, when I take something really seriously, I do get worked up.
The presentation has turned out beautifully. Its actually what I wanted it to be, when I gave my name for the seminar. All thanks to my Mom, who's converted my average presentation into a delight to read, watch and teach. I'll never say this to her, but she's actually done something I can never thank her for enough. She's given yet another instance to say," You're the GREATEST Mom in the world!" Thanks a ton! I know how much work she has, and yet she can come up with time to sit and turn my presentation into what I wanted it to be. And look at me, after all the 2 o'clock nights that I put in, I came up with something that did need fine tuning. Any way, at least its done, and I'm sure it won't bore people to death.
We had revision of all the microscopic physiology pracs today. I just couldn't bring myself to prick me, and when i did, well, I simply had to do it all again. Its so wierd. Only on sunday was I thinking of how I'd managed to prick myself months back, when now, I couldn't even think of putting a pin on my skin. And hey presto!, the entire package just came up!! Well, as happens every time, my ring finger is blue-black again, and pains at a slight touch. And I'm pretty disgusted with myself and the teachers. Will definitely be glad when all this gets over.

20 more days to go....

I just can't wait to get to the US. We've started making the plans for everything, what we have to see, how we'll be seeing it all, and its so exciting I can hardly wait. College seems so boring because of it all.
But with the trip to get on to, I've got a lot of homework to do, and for the first time in all of my small college life, I feel like studying every day and feel like listening to the lectures and paying attention to them. Its strange, but I'm under the pressure of having to finish a lot in less time and, as usual, it works! We're working on that poster. A little weird to work with so many people, but I guess I can manage it all.
And the localites in my batch will be given a Tea-Party ( read: ragging outside the college premises) by our immediate seniors. Its on the 12th but I still dunno the venue. I don't like our seniors much, so may be they'll give me the opportunity to like them a little more. They're truly the ONLY people excited about it all. We aren't even interested much. Who cares about them any way! We're doing great on our own.
Today's lectures were good. I like the respiratory system, I've always liked it. Its fun to read about it all. And I like Biochem any way, so Wednesday can definitely be labelled as good day.
And I repeat again, 20 more days to go!!!!