The terminals got over. Four days of disaster. And weeks of disaster before that. After things get done, I can't believe that I actually went through it all when I look back.
A week back, I was telling myself, "One week from now and you shall be done!! You'll then be able to let the demons of exam stress rest a bit." Then the realisation that time doesn't go at lightning speed dawned on me. I knew I had to get through the whole week, being aware of each and every moment and what I did at each single time. The whole process has been exhausting. This should seem unfair because last year, at this time of the year, we were taking exams in Medicine, Surgery, Obs-Gynae, Paediatrics, Ophthalmology, ENT and PSM with practicals in 4 of those subjects. That was supposed to be the exhausting one. It lasted two whole weeks and seemed like a lifetime. At the end of it, I was happy that I got through it, almost unhurt :-)
This year, however, these 4 days have been torturous. Since the time May dawned, I have realised that I do take stress. And that eats into my sleep. Big time. I may go to sleep around 11, but I shall always get up between 3:30 and 4:30 pm. I don't even need an alarm. It just happens. And these few days during the exams, I have had to deal with just that. By the time my last paper came (Paediatrics), I wasn't even in the mood to study during the time I was awake, let alone get up early. I managed it, however. Telling myself that this was the last paper played a huge role in this endeavour. When those last three hours came, I couldn't write fast enough to get it all over with. When it actually did, realisation of the end swept into me. I had lots of things to look forward to. All my cousins, uncle and aunt are in India, and now, in their last week of stay, I finally have time to spend with them. My eldest cousin left for the US yesterday, so once the paper got over, I spent the evening catching up with him. Everyone appreciated how I still had the energy to have a kick in my step and bounce around everywhere when I came back home.
A few hours later though, the consequences of my escapades of the past few days started creeping in. I was tired. And now I felt it. My dinner was as good as not eaten and I just wanted to get into bed and sleep. Maybe hibernate for a few days. When we came back home from the restuarant, I couldn't even get my self to change. It felt like now that I had the time to just sit and not think, my mind decided to react to the pain and injury inflicted by the tedious examination timetable. When you get a swollen knee or something, as long as you ignore it, it doesn't affect you. The moment your attention wanders towards it, it gives you that first stab of pain and then follows the saga of injury. I went through the same thing.
Even today, 2 days after the exams have gotten over, I'm feeling the stress and the exhaustion. I had lots of things planned. I have to meet up with my friends, get my room cleaned, make a timetable for the next three months, start with my project work, spend some quality time with my grandparents, write my diary (haven't written in months). But, I can only sit in one place and stare (mostly into the TV). I don't feel like getting up and taking a bath either. It is the one thing I have to push myself in every way and do.
Talking about my To-Do list reminds me, my project just doesn't stop giving me problems. Three days before my examination began, I had to present my topic before the Ethics Committee of our College. I was sorely pissed. I was way behind my timetable and I did not have a minute to spare. They expected me to spare 2 whole hours for that stupid meeting. And then, they had so many comments to make, and so many changes to suggest, I felt like I had been asked to come there to provide them with some academic entertainment. At that time, the result was the least of my worries. I just wanted to go and study. Yesterday, I had to go to college to get my brother's Admission brochure. I thought I'd go and ask about the status of my certificate. They told me I should get the changes done to get it certified with the committee. I told that Professor that it wasn't possible for me to do that. It had been selected for the ICMR just the way that it was, and I had to it that way itself. And, since I had already got a provisional certificate from the committee, I had already begun the work. I just had to get it all done in the way I had presented it. She told me that I had to go and talk to the Head of the Committee.
I can't believe how 'lucky' I am. Since the very start of this project, I have had nothing but problems. It is amazing how much trouble you can have with a 2 month research project in your own college. You end up wondering if it all is even worth it! And, if the ICMR selected this project out of the many entries they got from all over the country, I'm sure they thought it was worth whatever I had written. That body is way more deeply into research than an Ethics Committee in any college. If they didn't have a problem, why should these people? I guess Monday will tell now. Lets hope I get a solution out of this whole mess..
A week back, I was telling myself, "One week from now and you shall be done!! You'll then be able to let the demons of exam stress rest a bit." Then the realisation that time doesn't go at lightning speed dawned on me. I knew I had to get through the whole week, being aware of each and every moment and what I did at each single time. The whole process has been exhausting. This should seem unfair because last year, at this time of the year, we were taking exams in Medicine, Surgery, Obs-Gynae, Paediatrics, Ophthalmology, ENT and PSM with practicals in 4 of those subjects. That was supposed to be the exhausting one. It lasted two whole weeks and seemed like a lifetime. At the end of it, I was happy that I got through it, almost unhurt :-)
This year, however, these 4 days have been torturous. Since the time May dawned, I have realised that I do take stress. And that eats into my sleep. Big time. I may go to sleep around 11, but I shall always get up between 3:30 and 4:30 pm. I don't even need an alarm. It just happens. And these few days during the exams, I have had to deal with just that. By the time my last paper came (Paediatrics), I wasn't even in the mood to study during the time I was awake, let alone get up early. I managed it, however. Telling myself that this was the last paper played a huge role in this endeavour. When those last three hours came, I couldn't write fast enough to get it all over with. When it actually did, realisation of the end swept into me. I had lots of things to look forward to. All my cousins, uncle and aunt are in India, and now, in their last week of stay, I finally have time to spend with them. My eldest cousin left for the US yesterday, so once the paper got over, I spent the evening catching up with him. Everyone appreciated how I still had the energy to have a kick in my step and bounce around everywhere when I came back home.
A few hours later though, the consequences of my escapades of the past few days started creeping in. I was tired. And now I felt it. My dinner was as good as not eaten and I just wanted to get into bed and sleep. Maybe hibernate for a few days. When we came back home from the restuarant, I couldn't even get my self to change. It felt like now that I had the time to just sit and not think, my mind decided to react to the pain and injury inflicted by the tedious examination timetable. When you get a swollen knee or something, as long as you ignore it, it doesn't affect you. The moment your attention wanders towards it, it gives you that first stab of pain and then follows the saga of injury. I went through the same thing.
Even today, 2 days after the exams have gotten over, I'm feeling the stress and the exhaustion. I had lots of things planned. I have to meet up with my friends, get my room cleaned, make a timetable for the next three months, start with my project work, spend some quality time with my grandparents, write my diary (haven't written in months). But, I can only sit in one place and stare (mostly into the TV). I don't feel like getting up and taking a bath either. It is the one thing I have to push myself in every way and do.
Talking about my To-Do list reminds me, my project just doesn't stop giving me problems. Three days before my examination began, I had to present my topic before the Ethics Committee of our College. I was sorely pissed. I was way behind my timetable and I did not have a minute to spare. They expected me to spare 2 whole hours for that stupid meeting. And then, they had so many comments to make, and so many changes to suggest, I felt like I had been asked to come there to provide them with some academic entertainment. At that time, the result was the least of my worries. I just wanted to go and study. Yesterday, I had to go to college to get my brother's Admission brochure. I thought I'd go and ask about the status of my certificate. They told me I should get the changes done to get it certified with the committee. I told that Professor that it wasn't possible for me to do that. It had been selected for the ICMR just the way that it was, and I had to it that way itself. And, since I had already got a provisional certificate from the committee, I had already begun the work. I just had to get it all done in the way I had presented it. She told me that I had to go and talk to the Head of the Committee.
I can't believe how 'lucky' I am. Since the very start of this project, I have had nothing but problems. It is amazing how much trouble you can have with a 2 month research project in your own college. You end up wondering if it all is even worth it! And, if the ICMR selected this project out of the many entries they got from all over the country, I'm sure they thought it was worth whatever I had written. That body is way more deeply into research than an Ethics Committee in any college. If they didn't have a problem, why should these people? I guess Monday will tell now. Lets hope I get a solution out of this whole mess..
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