The Pathology of Boredom

I wish for a lot of things. Always. Right now, however, I only wish I could make my life a little more interesting. A lot more interesting. There's absolutely nothing to look forward to when I wake up every morning. Except for a day filled with hours of studying and half hour breaks. Even my PLs last year weren't so boring. I guess, this time it is the combination of a lot of PLs and the same old chapters to be done all over again.
I fear I might not be able to do my best when Exams finally arrive (it doesn't seem like 'finally' though. Two weeks down the line, I'll be talking about how there's hardly any time left!!). I feel I'm not really putting an effort right now and that is going to hamper my prospects. In the race to finish and stick to my time table, I think I'm going to end up not doing  lot of things properly.
I gotta get back to studying now actually. Next time, I am going to write a bigger post. :-)

Anti-Arrythmics...they don't even make sense!

It has been told to us that Anti-Arrythmics is not very important. According to a very enthusiastic teacher of mine, “they don’t expect you to know it!” In college, it is such a blessing to hear things like that. I mean, it saves you a lot of time that you would have otherwise spent doing the theory and, in case of this chapter, wondering why things can get so difficult at times.

So, you can imagine how lovely life is, and then I get this crazy idea to check out last year’s University papers. A macho kind of a thing, you know-the desire to say, “I can totally answer the questions, and I’m well-prepared even now, months before the exam”.

And, I come straight crashing out from my lovely world, because hell, there is a long question on Anti-Arrythmics in that Pharmacology paper!!!! So, today, I decided to do the chapter and now, I am begging anybody who reads this post: if you have any idea that can make this chapter easier and more understandable, I’d love the help. Frankly, I’ve never liked Cardiovascular System in Pharmacology. Everything depends on the patient and ten thousand illnesses that he may have. But, I’ve been getting a hang of it, and I should at least be in a position to be able to decide the drugs to be given, in simple cases.

With Anti-Arrythmics, however, that is so not the case. If I get a question on it, yeah, I guess I am in a position to attempt it and get at least 3 out of  the 6 marks allotted to that question. It’s just the practicality of my knowledge that I’m not sure of. So any help would be willingly and happily accepted!!

And, we supposedly have the final combined signing tomorrow. Let’s hope the story is true and that we finish off with the official work after all!  

Time to waste: I'd have asked for it!!

It is a said thing, and definitely an understood one, that the week following the end of exams is supposed to be a 'chilled-out' week; one that involves no textbooks, no 2 a.m. mornings, no racing hearts and a free, escapade kind of a feeling. It is also understood that when the week follows the end of Prelims, we are not going to get any of the above mentioned gifts. Instead, we are going to be handed numerous other ways which will help us understand the meaning of "WASTE of time".
I wish these people could step into our shoes for a moment and experience what we experience when time just seems to vanish in front of our eyes, and we do nothing!
The most cruel Department in terms of time, is our dear, dear Forensic Medicine Department. I understand that they are short-staffed, and that there is a lot of work they have to do. But, if that is the case, then they might as well, complete the entire work and then call us to the Department, right? But, it seems like they are hell-bent on teaching us the true value of wastage. We were called, first at 10:30 am in the morning for paper-signing. I din't go, because it is my experience that things never really happen in the Department. As expected, they announced that papers would be corrected by 3 pm and that we should assemble at that time.
With an increasing feeling of reservation about the entire set-up, I decided I'd go any way. And we were made to sit there, in that Lecture hall, from 3 pm to 7:30pm, doing absolutely NOTHING! Each time, we made plans to go home, we were told that the signing would start in hr hour. It was so frustrating! They could easily have taken one person's cell phone number and then contacted him, when it was all done. It would have saved us a lot of agony and hatred towards that department.
My entire week has been like this. Only the Pharmacology Department has been a little time-savvy.
All I want to say is, if I really had wanted to waste time in this way, I'd have asked for it. But, now, here I am, with wasted time, and the regret that it wasn't even wasted well! I know Government institutions are mismanaged, but I guess the optimistic heart never fails to keep hoping!!...(sigh...)        

Prelims: the Finish-line

Time to celebrate a bit :-)

2.5 weeks, and the ordeal is OVER! In the past two weeks, I've suffered and learnt real meanings of words like "Patience", "Frustration", "Insomnia", "Acidity" and most importantly, the mantra that "good things never always happen to good people", and that at times you never get what you really deserve.
The marks don't count- not when it comes to the satisfaction I've derived from every question I've answered. And at the same time, they really do count. If I end up getting less than I expect, I'm going to feel betrayed and again ascertain that this is one unfair world. If I more than I expect, I'm only going to put it down as my amazing luck. Please note, nowhere do I blame myself for the results. Typical student attitude. We just don't ever want to say, "We just din't study enough." Fact is, it isn't easy to do all the studying, and frankly, I can't bear to even think of how I've spent the last 2.5 weeks. I wish I could predict when I'm going to learn that doing my entire portion the night before the exam, is sheer foolishness! Yet, I can answer a part of that. It is only when I feel confident enough ( that is, after having done my portion at least three times over), that I can entertain such a thought. Currently, all I want to do is, take a few days ( hours out of days actually)off, and just relax. I want to do things that are going to make me want to get back to studying with enthusiasm, not with the resigning attitude that I so feel I am going develop soon.
So, how were my exams? Pretty ok. The papers were good. Except for a disaster that Micro 2 might turn out to be, and a catastrophe that Forensic is going to be ( I will eat a boiled eggplant if that doesn't turn out to be true!), the rest was definitely on the verge of good. My patience and the ability to stay hungry for 5 hours was tested big time during the Pathology practicals. I am not very good at staying hungry. During exams, no way. The tension and the atmosphere of the practical hall make a lethal combination. The moment my stomach gets a little empty, the brain starts to talk about putting in some HCl in there, and I suffer from vague symptoms of hypoglycemia and acidity. Patho was the height of it all. I was the 2nd last person to go for the viva, and finished at 5:30 pm. And I had had lunch at 11:45am.
Forensic (FMT) was another tester. This time, completely testing our ability to patiently wait....wait....wait...wait...wait...wait......and wait. I was there for the practical from 10 am in the morning to 5 pm in the evening. Had that 2nd viva not turned out to be awesome, I would've been ready to send a body in there for a post-mortem!!( kidding....I woud've just chucked the thoughts of FMT aside any way!!)
What have I learnt from my prelims? Firstly, I totally understand why a senior of mine, gave a post-exam party after her prelims had gotten over last year. The feeling CANNOT be described! You fly in the air, as high as you can go, feel the breeze blast past you and yet not hurt a single cell....suddenly swoop down and catch hold of all those small and special things you wanted to do for so long......and have a great night's sleep without worrying about those alarms that have been dissolving dreams within seconds, for the past 2 weeks.
And, I learnt that doing things on instinct does work to your advantage, making your paper go much better than it might have gone otherwise. I also learnt that everything has to end finally, so it is obviously going to a much better finish-line, if you stop losing your head and health over small things. :-)            

Prelims : The Forecast

10 days left for the Prelims to start, and I am having panic-attacks and the absolute urge to throw away my books, in cycles. It is hard to keep so many things inside a small head, as many mnemonics that one may want to come up with. To top this, I have, once again, fallen prey to my delicate health, which seems to wait and wait and wait for that right moment (two weeks before the exam) and then collapses like a sand castle against the ocean waves. I was fine through out the past two months; Hell, I’ve never been better health-wise. People around me fell ill, every day…..every day a new virus made its existence clear around me. But, exams are the food that these organisms need when I’m concerned.

I might be able to complete my portion, but, there’s no way I can even tell myself that I’m ready for the Prelims. It’s so simple. I can start months before, or days before. I still won’t be able to believe that I know everything!! I’m just hoping I can get past this barrier ok. Then there is a two month preparation leave, when I hope I can do things more systematically and less hurriedly…..

It’s my birthday on the 14^th!! Of course, I’m studying throughout the day, and there are not going to be any surprises like last year. But, it’s my birthday!! And I have reason to rejoice for those 24 hours!!!!

Best of luck to me for the horror that awaits. 20^th September, here we come!!!!!! 

Competitiveness

The urge to compete, the urge to win, the urge to somehow get ahead in a never-ending race of examinations.....
And I have suddenly got it!! I swear, I was never into the business of wanting to get more marks than somebody else, of wanting to study more, of wanting to KNOW that I am the better. I have been laid-back in life, in studying actually.
I have this crazy, maddening feeling that I need to perform better than some others. In fact, I now believe that I can do it. I know it might be tough and can definitely take a toll on me, but I simply want to do it all. I don't know exactly how this has got into me. But, I can say that the feeling has been building up. It started with my Gynaec term and the great reviews I got there, was carried on by my Pyschiatry Term-end, in which I ended up with the highest marks in the batch (37/50). Anaesthesia added another boost by coming up with a 20/25 in the MCQ test. Then, there have been the results of the current terminal examination. I have got the highest marks in the theory examination of Microbiology (38/50), and I think I did pretty well in Pathology (theory) also to get 39.5/50. I wish I had got better teachers to take the viva. I would have done much better than 26.5 and 23 respectively.
My point is that, I finally think I'm going in the right direction and that things are working well for me (touchwood). It is just like the form of a sportsperson. At times, you are at your best and all the hard work just helps you do much than you normally would have. Other times, you can do the best your body can manage, but you still don't reach the peaks that you have set yourself. Right now, I feel confident, I feel I am capable of doing things I want to do, I feel comfortable with all the marks, and I don't feel the pressure to perform. I want to perform and I  know I will. I just am so excited to start (and Parasitology only makes things even spicier!!).
So, with all the focus coming in, I love and enjoy Medicine even more. What more can a student want?

Micro, I Love You!!

I do, I do, I do.....Never thought I'd be saying this, when I initially started with second year. I thought Pharmac was going to be my cup of tea. Guess, I'm not all that different from the rest of the crowd after all.
So, our Micro Quiz eliminations were held on Saturday. I can't say that I studied a lot, or that I spent sleepless nights, studying up a storm, but I did as much as I could. And I think I did pretty well in the Eliminations. I did not get chosen for the final team of two, but I came third. By one mark. So, I'm a back up for the team. I'm still going to attend the extra lectures, because I really feel that I can DO Microbiology, and that something just clicks really well. So I want to learn it, another way, and another way, and a fourth way is there is one.
This is something that clicked me after my Micro paper during the terminals. It had gone pretty well, especially the MCQs. So, I just like doing Micro. And, of course, I can't imagine myself doing Pharmac or Patho for days together, but I can imagine that happening with Micro. And I loved solving the MCQs on Friday, as a preparation for the elims. It was so much of fun!!! Plus, the teacher conducting the elims, told me, "Good Performance!". Now when that happens in a subject, you are bound to like a wee bit more than normal, rite? :-)
So, I'm doing Parasitology now. I love the new book feel. I'm doing it from Arora and Arora. After a year of reading the same old textbooks, I literally pounced on this one. I like it. It is said to be the toughest part of Microbiology, but, I'm on a high right now, and I really want to finish a major chunk of the syllabus in Parasito.
Do I regret not being a part of the team? I do. Especially when it was a matter of one mark. But, the responsibility now is less, and I can enjoy and study, both. Hell, I really did not want to meet my uncle who's coming down from the USA with the kids, regretting every moment I spend with them, because it was cutting into my study time. So, I can meet him with a clear conscience, and also study as much as I want to, at the same time. And I can attend the extra lectures. There isn't a ban on them. So, somehow, the regret or sadness or whatever you may want to call it, is a very small part of all the emotions I felt at that time, or those that I feel even now. I guess, I'm really happy that I didn't do very badly, to crash all my hopes of doing well in Micro down to the very depth of the Earth.
And my next target is: Distinction in Microbiology. And by more than just ONE mark!!!!!

Why does it keep following me???

I haven't written about this before. There is a crappy book called 'JOURNAL' which we are supposed to record our cases in, in every clinical posting. They have a certain number of cases to be seen in every term, which we have to record. Until the Gynaec term started, we didn't really bother about writing journals. But, the Naik Unit ensured that we wrote the entire semester work and get it all signed. As my luck would have, I couldn't get all my stuff signed in time, and hence, due to consistent trailing behind him, the Chief-Resident (CR), knew me pretty well. He even told the HOU that I did not have my journal signed but that I was a very good student. Later on, when he did check my journal, he told me that the HOU, Dr. Naik, was very happy with me. She was delighted that I had done so well, and that I knew my Gynaec stuff pretty well. I was obviously shocked. She had asked me really simple stuff, as I have written before in the entry dated......I was also delighted that after spending days screaming, "Gynaec!!!SOS!!!!!!!!!!!", I actually knew enough to impress a teacher!

Two months down the line, I was again haunting the corridors of Gynaec, as we began our Family-Planning posting. Little did I know that another shocker of sorts awaited me here. My Posting began on June 1st, in the middle of our college holidays. There were hardly any people attending the posting, 'coz every hostelite had run home. We were 5 in number, for the first few days. During that time, the Senior-Resident (SR) took our lectures. I used to answer quite a bit. Hell, I knew stuff so why not let them know that I do. So, the SR took a fancy to me. She'd ask me questions when the others couldn't answer and all that sort of a thing. I did not go for the MTP OPD one day. The next day she said that she hadn't felt like teaching when she saw that I wasn't there. Oh God, why Gynaec!!! Later, during the posting, we were in the Labour Room, and she even made me hold the placenta, as she taught us about the parts and features. I, kinda, became a favourite. Man!

We finished with our Family-Planning term-end today. Finally! It wasn't held before the exams because that way, we wouldn't have attended all the days till the 30th (exams were from 28th June-8th July). It got postponed from 10th July ( the initially decided date) to today. And it turned out to be pretty good. Dr. Bhalerao (the HOU this time), asked me about everything that I knew about Oral Contraceptive Pills. And I was able to answer a lot of his questions. It turned out to be pretty good, especially after the heavy weight of the 'favourite' tag on me. Thankfully that SR wasn't there, and Dr. Bhalerao doesn't know me. He did not say that I needed to read up a lot more or that my basics weren't clear. Which is a good sign.

I just so don't want to do Gynaec!!! I wish I could have gotten so much of appreciation and support in some other term uptil now. But, I end up having the feeling that I don't like Gynaec, and yet, I know it best!!        

Lost....

So the World Cup reached its finish line in style, and splendor and in the very spirit of it has been since the start - a perfect all-nation party. I LOVED the closing ceremony...especially when the flags came up, with people walking along unveiling them...seeing them together makes me believe that unity can exist in this world, and it so strange that unity and brotherhood can only be associated with sports and nothing else. Frankly, I would never dream of watching so much of enthusiasm, and support in any other field. Kudos to the world of Sports for keeping the meaning of these words alive, despite the encroachment that Politics has made.
The final could not have been more different from the prior games. The tension and nerves were visible, as the game was more of trying to simply get a goal rather than making one. It wasn't the best game Spain has played, and definitely isn't too high on the list of great games for Holland either. Yet, I guess, Casillas' tears and the bright  smiles on the faces of the Spanish players made up for everything that the game was not. In the past two years, Spain has risen as a great sporting nation, with successes in Football, Tennis (I was so delighted to see Rafa's picture with Casillas and the Trophy...it made my day!!!), Cycling and Golf. It is uplifting to see the united celebrations amongst the people in every success.
The only thing I am disappointed about is that, this is the End. There isn't anything coming up in the world of sports for about a month, and I feel lost! I'd become so used to watching the French Open, then the World Cup and Wimbledon, interrupted by cricket here and there; I always had something to watch. Now, there isn't anything worth watching, and frankly, there's no use of turning the television on. So I'm totally LOST...
Happens a lot of times, but this year, with the World Cup, I didn't feel it would be that much...on the contrary it is much more, guess it is because the festival reached a high point and just ended...

The journey called the World Cup

The only reason I supported Spain during the Euro 2008 was because there were a lot of Liverpool players in the squad. And Bingo!! They won!
The World Cup is a different story. The team started off on the worst foot any one could have possibly imagined. 0-1 defeat to Switzerland wasn't a part of the script. But, they have bounced back, and today, on July 11th, 2010, they are on the brink of making History. Frankly, it isn't easy to watch a team win by margins like 1-0, in fact, games like that get boring. But, the game that Spain plays is simply weaving magic. one can just watch them pass the ball, keep the possession, and thread through the opposition's defence, almost effortlessly. It is so beautiful! Their game isn't about the goal-scoring or the physical aspect of football. It's about wearing the opposition down, moving through them, tapping the ball around. It feels like music; every game, a new tune, so pleasant to to the eyes, a treat to watch....the rhythm, the sync, everything, so different, so new. The margin of victory never tells it, but every game is a musical to look out for.
The Armada has grown in confidence. To beat teams like Germany, you have to have faith in your abilities to score, faith in your ability to nudge the Jabulani around.
I don't really understand the intricacies of the game. To me, football was always a rough, muddy and u-push-me-I-push-you game. Watching this team, I have witnessed something totally different. Something so new, it makes the game look as beautiful as a match of tennis.
On the other hand, there stand the Dutch. A very different technique, yet so similar. Their game is so much more physical, involving getting the ball, rather than keeping it....their techniques have flourished too....and they have grown more confident than ever. Beating in-form teams like Brazil, rather dismantling them in 45 mins of a game isn't an easy task. And since that momentous victory, the Dutch have only moved forward to the one place that they deserve- Soccer City Stadium.
I root for Spain, simply 'coz, they're my team this World Cup. I hope they win, because they have to play a better game than the Dutch. But, as a football fan, I only want this game to be as wonderful and exciting, as it expected to be, and finally, I want the best team to win. The World Cup needs a new and worthy winner, and the two teams today are the ONLY contenders for it!
GO SPAIN!!