A Letter

Dear Mom,

I want to say all this to your face, but the sensitive little coward that I am, I’ll probably just end up crying and not say anything at all. Maybe someday, I will pluck the courage to say all these things standing in front of you.

You are my Hero, Mom. There is a long list of things that I have learnt from you- by just watching you everyday. What has left an impact on me most, is how you fight against all the odds and still mange to emerge victorious.  Life isn’t easy, is it? But, you have managed to make me realize that one can work through this difficult maze and come out to rejoice.

You gave birth to me 21 years ago. I was the first child, so I just hope I didn’t give you much trouble coming out. If I did, I’m really sorry. I don’t remember the first few years of my life, mom, but I know from the stories told, that you were always there. God knows how tough it must have been to study and look after a baby at the same time. You did it though, and looking at myself today, I know you did a great job. I don’t remember what my first words were, or where and when I took my first steps. I do know this, mom, that the day I said, “Aai”, was a momentous one for you, and for me too.

My childhood is scattered with lots of great memories. I particularly remember the time I was seven. I had suddenly gotten into the phase, when I used to miss you in school, and would end up crying a lot. It went to such an extent, that you had to give me a photo of yours. You told me that every time I missed you, I should just look at that photo and you would be there, right next to me. I don’t think I ever told you this, Mom, but looking at that picture made me cry even more.

When I was eight, our class had been punished and we were spanked. You had been there for me at that time. You, along with our class teacher and a few other parents, had protested against this incident. You may not consider it that important, but it left a mark on me.

Throughout my childhood, there were times when you were busy; times when you went away for training. I did not really miss you at those times, simply because I knew you were doing for us, and that when I needed you, you would always be there for me. When you went for that GSE exchange program, I was just nine. I wasn’t in the mental state to express how I felt. Today, I look back and I feel such pride watching you go. You had achieved something truly outstanding, and my chest was bursting with joy and pride that you were MY mom.

Teenage is supposed to give mothers a lot of headache. I think I gave you some headache too. I do hope I didn’t give you too much of headache, though. I think, somewhere, deep inside, I always knew what you were trying to tell me during those conversations we had. I knew what you were telling me was right. I may have disagreed with you on the surface, but I always ended up agreeing with you subconsciously. When I got into Std 12, you decided to take some matters into your hand, and look into my studies for the entrance exams. You know, mom, I’m glad you did.

You might say that I am very logical and clear in the head, but at that time, I wasn’t. I needed somebody to listen to me, and take some decisions for me. You did that, and I really thank you for it all. After that CET examination, I knew maybe I had failed you somewhere. If I had taken efforts, you had taken double those efforts. The end result did not reflect that, and I was a little disappointed on that fateful day (8^th May, 2008). When I told you that getting a score worth BJMC was out of question, I did not like the look on your face. The disappointment was evident. I wish I had done more. The merit list, however, had different plans. That wonderful day, when I got into BJMC (18^th July, 2008), those tears in your eyes- I felt so happy for being able to give you those tears of joy. As a daughter, I believe that my ultimate goal in life is to make you happy. That day, I had fulfilled that goal. I was proud of it. Even today, I am.

You have been my solid support always. You and Dad have always had my back. It is something special, to know that I have such a wonderful mother, waiting for me, urging me to great things.  In fits of anger, you may call yourself a lot of ugly things, but the truth is, you are an awesome mother. You lead by example. There is nothing more special than to see you up on stage, receiving prizes for your achievements. There is nothing more inspiring to see you work against all sorts of odds, to watch you fight against injustice done to you. You are a dynamite, and to see you in the red of your spirit is just incredible.

It hurts to see you upset or in pain, Mom. If there is anything that I can’t stand, it is a tear in your eyes or a wrinkle of tension on your forehead. I want you to be happy and at peace all your life. I’ll do anything to make sure that happens. At times, I feel so helpless when I just have to stand in the background watching you manage your troubles. I want to help you, Mom, and it hurts that I can’t. You have dealt with a lot in your life. Despite that, I hope you have been happy. I just wish, now that I have grown up, I can be that shield that will protect you from any further trouble.

I want you to share your troubles with me, Mom. It always helps when you talk. If you can calm me down, I sure can try to do the same. I’ll do anything I can, to never see you unhappy, to never see a tear. You are precious, Mom. I’m nothing without you. You and Dad are my whole life, and I can’t see you two upset or unhappy about anything.

You are the most wonderful gift God had given me. I love watching you smile, love watching you sing and dance. When you smile, the whole room brightens up. When you calm me down, I know nothing in the world will trouble me. When you give me that Mom’s hug, I become that small child again, who just wants to sit by you forever.

You are the bestest Mom in the Universe. I hope I can be a good daughter to you all my life.
Love you loads, Mom. Thank you for always being there. You are the foundation of my life. There is nothing I can’t do, with you supporting me.

Love you Mom,

Jill