When You Learn

I learnt a thing or two about myself over this weekend. I don’t know whether to think it is just my thought process or whether it is human nature in general. I will be keeping it in mind now on.

About a month back, I bought a new smart phone. An HTC 8X. The thing about me and phones is, I am never too sure of which one to buy. I never narrow down on any one. My way of buying phones is – go to the shop, go through the collection, compare the prices, see which one suits my personality. 3 days later buy one. I don’t know whether this way is wrong or right. It is my way. I also end up using my phone till the very end. I manage to find every reason to keep on using the tattered-looking model as long as I can.

This year, after my results, I could have asked for a new phone straightaway. Exactly what all my friends did. I thought, my current model is good, let’s continue with it. Until, those days came, when the model started going to pieces. I started with an online screening of phones. And there it was, that HTC 8X. Standing tall in that California Blue matt finish colour, the Windows Phone tiles emitting an eerie glow, that big screen telling me to come get it…..It had everything I wanted and more. The only issue was its price.

I have never stubbornly asked for anything. I am always practical and adjusting (at least where phones are concerned :-p). This time however, I had to fight tooth and nail to get what I wanted. I wasn’t sure I was getting it, until the very last moment, when that guy finally opened the box. I still remember that moment. I fell in love. Again. With my HTC 8X. With my Blue HTC 8X.

Over the past month, I have been so careful about this phone. I wash my hands before touching it, I clean it every weekend, that screen may have gorilla glass, but I still put a scratch guard. There is a fixed place in my bedroom for it (away from dust, dirt and any danger of falling down). I can spend hours just looking at it as it gets charged. Yes, I can be passionately in love and possessive about something. That’s the first thing I learnt.

This weekend, as a part of our Annual Family Trip, we visited Della Resort in Lonavla. Wonderful place by the way….there’s an Adventure Park there and I did all that there was – Ziplining, Rock Climbing, Rapelling, High Ropes, Zorbing, Reverse Bungee Jumping, Archery and the Arcade games. Lots of fun in lots of rain…getting wet in the rain is an out-of-the-world feeling!! Everything went well, until Lunch time when my phone stopped working. It refused to start. And it kept vibrating every 40 secs. Charging did not help, it worsened the condition. And there went my awesome happy mood down the drain. All I wanted to do was get back to Pune and repair that phone. I couldn’t stop worrying about it. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. My phone was sick and I was helpless. The feeling of helplessness is the worst feeling in the world. I had thought of not taking this phone to Lonavla. I regretted not taking that thought seriously. I just wanted my phone switched on. I didn’t care about the data, I didn’t care about the formatting. I just wanted it show signs of life. Signs of being around for some time more. I couldn’t sleep for two whole nights. In fact, as the end of our trip came closer, my tension, apprehension and jitteriness increased. I don’t know how I managed to sleep through that Sunday night. I had to get to the Service Centre on Monday. Whatever happened.

They called yesterday and said that phone had been repaired. There had been water there, so my warranty period is over now. All my data is lost. But, you know what, I don’t care. I don’t care about the contacts, I don’t care about the videos, the images, the songs, those notes I keep on my phone. All I care about is seeing my phone in a working condition again.

What did I learn? You love your phone, right? Don’t test it and its tolerance capacity. I might call myself moderation personified, but when it comes to the things I desperately love, I am an Extreme. In every way. I also learnt that I can desperately love something. I can be desperately worried about something. I can be desperate about something. That scares me and makes me feel good about myself too. When you feel too much about something, you are more liable to get hurt, more liable to harbor grudges, more liable to senseless action. That is scary. But, when you feel too much about something, you are motivated to work at it, more dedicated towards it, you don’t lose yourself when things go bad. That is a part of the recipe for success.

I am more of the Moderate and the Extreme. But, I have the tendency to become an Extreme. Do I need to work to change this? Only time will tell….  

When Doctors Act Like Patients

One would think that the years of study we put in to become Doctors would make us better prepared to face any health situation that confronts us. Since the pathophysiology, the symptomology, the complications, the investigations done and the treatment needed have been encrypted into our minds, we would in fact be the most resilient and calm patients or patients' relatives. Yeah, that is just a myth. We are humans. And we have every right to create a scene and fear the worst, when our own health is concerned.

As an occupational hazard in our profession, we are capable of being exposed to anything and everything. It is our  responsibility to protect ourselves against the worst of  scenarios. The most common is, of course, the needle pricks. It has been 4 months of Internship now, and I've managed to get two already. Both experiences contributed to my post today. I feel more confident about handling such situations now, but in the spur of the moment, I acted like any non-medic person would. That is scary. That spur of the moment action or inaction.
We are taught to maintain basic precautions - gloves, covered shoes, masks, glasses, lab coats, etc. We are also told that there are certain norms to be followed to protect ourselves. One is, never recap a used needle. NEVER. More than half of the needle-pricks occur when we try to use our own heads and recap needles. Two, always push the used needle into the plastic cover on the bed. That keeps everybody out of danger. Three, wear gloves. Yeah, that's what I wrote first, but that is just so important!
I want to record my second experience here, because I learnt more from this one. I was posted in Skin (I don't know what it is, there isn't much love lost between me and the subject) and had to put an iv cath for a patient. I'd previously taken a sample of his for HIV testing, so I was wearing double gloves, a mask and doing everything I was supposed to do. While taking the cath to throw it, I felt it pierce my gloves. On removal of the gloves, I looked for any kind of injury on the skin of my palm. There was none - no blood, no inflammation, nothing. I washed my hand, there wasn't any burning either. I thought I'd caught the needle just in time.
That was a mistake - Never think there is no prick. Go to the Medicine guy responsible, immediately.
I didn't think about it too much until next morning, I saw an  inflamed spot. At 4 am in the morning. And then everything got twisted. I started  panicking. I wanted to cry and scream....I wanted to call up my resident and ask her about the patient's HIV status. Having seen the patient, I kept thinking, there was a possibility that he could be positive. And I hadn't taken that PEP dose immediately. My sleep disturbed, my mind shaken, I  spent my morning trying to decide what to do. Ultimately, it was decided, that I should go and do that patient's Tri-Dot test any way, instead of waiting for his report. Before doing that, I took the first PEP dose. That moment, when I was waiting for the lines to form on the strip, was most frightening. I could imagine more than one lines on that strip. I had prepared myself for the worst, because I was so sure that was going to be the case. When only the control line came up, the surge of relief that went through me, filled me with a new life, really. Next day, the patient's report also came as negative. Phew. Close call.
This whole episode made me think. I've learnt about HIV and HbsAg since I was in second year. I've learnt that the chances of contracting diseases like this are pretty slim, that once you take all the necessary measures, you don't need to think much. I've learnt all about the pathophysiology, the spectrum, everything there is to learn, at UG level. This is enough  to know that what I was faced with, did not put me in danger at all, especially after that Kit test. Yet, I panicked. Yet, I feared the worst. Yet, I traumatised myself and my parents and my two bestest friends. I told myself, it couldn't happen to me and yet, it was happening. What was the use of all that knowledge then? It didn't matter that I was a doctor. I could easily have been an engineer or an archeologist or a parent. My reaction was a purely human reaction - a scared person, faced with the possibility of a different life. It is like facing a tiger in the middle of a forest - in those initial seconds, it doesn't matter whether you've been researching tigers all your life or whether you're thrown in front of him by mistake. This fear, this panic....it's a part of the innate response of our body. Innate - present since birth. However trained and educated we get, this response always gets the better of us when faced with danger or death.
And at such times, doctors end up acting like patients....

Monday Blues

The title of this post is actually wrong. It hasn't been just Monday blues. It has been All-Week blues that earned a boost-up today. I was truly happy and at peace yesterday- the one Sunday when I did not have to look at the sight of that Dermatology building. Hmm...it's been a sad week.
The elective posting is supposed to be the only one in which you have a say. I had a say in it. I was so sure I wanted to take Psychiatry as my elective posting that there never seemed any two ways about it. I don't what went through my mind in those 5 minutes before I went and selected my Internship batch that made me call up a senior of mine and ask, "What should I take? Skin or Psychiatry?" And I don't know what induced her to change from her previous answer of Psychiatry to Skin. She did change her answer though. I changed my mind though. And now I regret every bit of this 15 day torture.
Maybe it is that building. The building houses Paediatrics also and we all know how much I 'enjoyed' that posting. Or maybe it is the lack of space - 2 crowded OPDs where the 6 residents barely manage to fit it (talk of fitting in, there is also an examination table, computers and stools for patients), 2 wards on the 2nd floor of the building where again they've managed to fit in 7-8 beds each for male and female patients. Or maybe it is the lighting- there's hardly any....it is so difficult to look for veins to put intracaths into in improper light. Or maybe it just the residents- they look so bored and not-so-happy with what they are doing, there isn't enough enthusiasm for us left.
I remember how my ENT posting went. When the nice guy gave us work, he gave it with a smile and positive look. We did it in the same way. When the frustrated girl gave us work, she wasn't delighted with the results. In Ophthalmology, the residents and we had a mutually happy relationship. They helped us, we helped them and ultimately patients went home happy. In here, I am just plain bored. They are bored too. I guess, in their defence, if you had to work in the place that they work in day in and day out, you'd get bored too. Still.
All the work that I do is take labs, put caths and take pus culture & sensitivity samples literally everyday. If not taking those samples, I go trace them. TRACE. I hate that word. It means having to walk all the way across the campus from one end to the other and back. On days when I have to pass by the cute resident in the Orthopaedics OPD, it seems more tolerable. But that's just two days out of the whole week. Oh yes, the whole week . That reminds me of the start of this unhappiness. We are 4 interns posted in Skin right now. There are 2 units so 2 interns in each unit. We decided we'd put a rotation for all 4 of us so that we'd have to come only 3 days each. The one person who came would complete the work for both units. The residents did not agree, so we've barely managed to put a rotation in the unit itself. My Unit is 'fantastic' though. They need both of us there. One to take the labs, the other to trace them. One to stay in the wards, the other to go hunting for a xerox shop to split their books/ xerox books/ bring some forms from the co-operative store. God, such a pain.
So, for the past week, I've been going and sitting in college. I and my co-intern alternate between the work and sitting in the library, in case they ask to see our faces. Yes, i'm finally studying and all, but this is so frustrating. I was so glad on saturday when my work was done and I could run home to a Sunday. That Sunday came and went and today, it was back to being glum, angry and in a foul mood.
July 6th, when shall thou come??

In other news, Brazil beat Spain 3-0 in the Confederation Cup 2013. An ardent Spanish Armada fan, I don't know what hurts more- that they lost, that Brazil scored 3 goals or that Spain did not even have a goal on the match sheet. Hmph.

How's The Internship Going?

This question is the most obvious and the most commonly asked of me wherever I go. Today, I have the time to ponder on the perfect answer to it.
Hmm...so, how is this internship going? One thing is for sure: I'm enjoying this phase only because I have my friends with me (and by friends I mean, people I like, call friends and who also work as much as I do). Working in a hospital can be a lonely feeling....you are working with and under residents, who you can have no choice of. Right now, thanks to the delay in the Entrance examination results, we are short of Junior Residents. That means that our Senior Residents are quite frustrated with the amount of work left for them to do and, in turn, we, the Interns suffer, because we need to work more than usual and also do all the petty jobs there are. In such a scenario, if you don't have decent people to work with you, pour out your innermost emotions to, have a laugh with and remind each other of your plight, life sucks.  That's where, I have been lucky enough.
Of course, there are people called 'cutters' in our batch too. The word is used to describe an intern who wriggles out of the work assigned, usually to study. Such a person is usually more thick-skinned than the rest of us (as interns, you have to be thick-skinned to survive the mental ordeal in SGH), has absolutely no conscience to provide a haven for guilt and loads the rest of us with extra work. In my batch, we have about 3 such people. We've been able to distance ourselves from them, but time and again, fate just plays into their hands instead of ours. Currently, there are 4 of us, who've sort of decided to stick together, because we work well together. 3 of us were together in the Orthopaedics posting and we had a blast. The fourth girl joined us during our ENT Rotation and we managed very well. We decided to do day duty during our Csualty &Trauma rotation. We've left that place with the Chief Medical Officer saying that our team of four was one of the most sincere and hardworking lot he's seen in a few years. Such a nice compliment to hear!
So, going back to the question: I shall be biased now because of the Casualty rotation. Upto the start of Casualty, internship was fine. Paediatrics was over and done with (that itself is such a liberating feeling. I realise it now when I go to the building and there is no reason why I should need to enter it), Orthopaedics was fun and signed off, Otolarhingology (ENT) created a few issues regarding the Interns' rotation but we scraped through and Ophthalmology just proved to be my favourite yet again. So far, so good. Apart from the ENT completion signatures, I had all the others and things were good. I particularly enjoyed Ophthalmology. All that I ever did was measure the vision of patients and take labs, but I'm so completely in love with the subject, I enjoyed that bit too :-)
My hate for Casualty began during Orthopaedics. On our Emergency days, the intern had to sit in the Casualty and do the preliminary of the Ortho patients. Obviously, that was NOT my favourite job. The Casualty Interns posted at that time weren't more than acquaintances of mine. Seeing them run around here and there like freaking doctors, added to my negativity about the Casualty. I used to get this helplessness sort of a thing watching them. I used every opportunity to run away to the ward. There was lab work, blood issue calls, the HIV-HbsAg testing and trips to the OT to help out the residents a little. I did not sit at all, but I got that helpless feeling out. I felt better about myself. It worked for me.
This attitude carried into the start of my Casualty posting. On day one, I did not want to start the posting at all. I wanted to run away from the place and hide myself in some tiny little corner of the world where nobody would find me. But, by the end of the day, that thought itself was hiding in some deep dark corner of the world.
Looking back, this has been my best posting till date. A 12-hour day duty, managing more than 80 patients per day (all sorts - malingerers to psychotics, chest pain+breathlessness to assualt, alcoholics to RTAs, dog bites, cat bites, pig bites, monkey bites....everything) is not a joke. We did not get time to sit. My whole diet was ruined because my ages-old routine of 4 meals a day at fixed intervals was kicked out. There was a point when I almost collapsed there due to exhaustion. But, amidst all this, I loved every moment of this duty. My fear of putting an  intravenous catheter, a Ryle's Tube, a Foley's....everything was dealt with. I'm more confident of myself now...I managed to put my CPR skills to good use (finally, the BLS, ACLS workshop can be properly thanked :-) ). But, if there is one thing I enjoyed more than anything else in the world, it was the Minor OT. We dealt with all kind of wounds....my mattress and simple suturing has flourished during these 15 days. I love doing it all. Such a constructive way of getting rid of all the frustration and anger that boils inside you when you have to listen to 10 relatives per patient asking you 10 different questions. I had realised long back that I love surgical work. In these 15 days, I have also realised that when a patient comes with complaints of chest pain+breathlessness+hypertension, I lose interest. Its so obvious that Cardiaology is so not my thing. The area of the CMO dedicated to Surgery and Orthopaedics was my home, my go-to place when things got out of hand. I could calm myself down, doing the preliminaries of those patients, setting their wounds right, giving them hope that things would become better.
We had all sorts of patients - suicidal attempts (I and a friend sutured a wound in 3 layers - the only one in these 15 days :-) ), cases of castration, hit-&-run cases, accidental machinery injuries, self-poisoning for all sorts of reasons....I got a look into the kind of life people are forced to lead. That was disheartening because, when you have all the luxury in the world, some people don't even have 10 bucks to make a case paper. Old men with BPH complaints came from afar and refused to go back, because they had no fare. Aged women travelled for 2 days to come here and be told that they should have come 2 days before or after....that part of a direct view of reality made me depressed. I will do something for such patients in the future, because, they deserve every bit of it.
The casualty is an excellent place to learn. Medicine, Surgery and Orthopaedics residents are always there and they always managed to teach us a little something. Yes, this 15-day posting was wonderful. So much so that now it is over and I have this vacant feeling. My elective posting is Dermatology and it's back to being an intern doing all the menial jobs. I'm still in that mode of activity and multi-tasking. It is going to take a long time to get back to my usual job. Ha ha ha. Check this out. On day one, I had already hated every minute of that Casualty. Now I actually miss it. He he!!
So, how's the Internship going? It's going well. I'm enjoying it and I've learned quite a bit :-)

My Go-To Comfort Food

This was my first attempt at making pasta from scratch....not scratch actually (I got ready made pasta)....but I made the sauce...and it tasted delicious...yumm.....it will always remain my go-to food....always :-)

Musings of an Insecure Mind (innate + internship-effect)

It has been almost two months since I last wrote. Internship SUCKS. And as days go by, the feeling of getting used to the whole routine doesn’t make this thought any more palatable. When I was in final year, all I wanted was to get out of it and redeem myself with that one month break between results and the end of exams. During that one month, each day, I went a step closer to the beginning of this internship. Damn, I hated that.

We’ve had Paediatrics and are currently posted in Orthopaedics. Let’s begin with Paediatrics-

If there is ever a place that can frustrate you no end, upset you to interfering with your sleep, anger you to the extent of wanting to burn the place down, exhaust you to such a degree that the mere thought of burning the place down makes you anxious about the extra work you have to do….it is Paediatrics. I did not see my home clearly. I used to leave early in the morning and come back late night only to go to sleep and start with the same routine all over again. We did not get any holidays (No Government Holidays and no Sunday Holidays either). I was pitted against the most annoying girl on earth (no, probably universe)….not just annoying, manipulative, irritating, fussy, un-accomodating and a COMPLETE BITCH, if there ever was one. Out of the four weeks that I was posted in Paediatrics she was with me in three. It started with small fights, and by the end of the month, there was a war. One more day and I swear I’d have slapped her in front of the entire ward. That would have been exhilarating. I don’t mind working long hours and learning something. We did not even do anything amazing. In the ICUs all we ever did was monitoring, until I got myself the job of taking skin and rectal swabs for new patients and making the Bubble C-Pap for the Respiratory patients. I did learn Tracheal suction. I think that was a major landmark, because after we interns started doing it, all patients on the ventilator walked out healthy. Since there was no Junior Resident posted with us, and the Senior Residents thought it below their dignity to do something like a tracheal suction, we lost a few patients to ETT blockage. That thought hurt, you know. It was our fault, after all. So, the next a patient was put on the ventilator, we all took the responsibility of ensuring that a block wasn’t the cause of death. The pride I felt when I saw that girl walk home (breathing on her own) was the highest feeling I got in that one month.

We did not do lab, all we did was, take it from the residents and send it to the concerned laboratory. That was a bad feeling. I mean, you are interns. Lab collection is what you DO. In Paediatrics, they stripped us off the one job that we usually do with a little pride. Add to all this, the stress of the Project, Poster and 25 MCQs that we have to make during that one month. I was intent on making a paper out of my project, so I had to do it properly. I don’t know how I managed it all. I haven’t been so lost to the world and its happenings as I was during that one month.

Orthopaediacs, in comparison, is a fairytale. They have allowed us rotations so ultimately, each of us needs to go and work only twice a week. Emergency days are terrifying. It is heavy and there is no question of eating or even sitting down on that day. I finished my second ED yesterday and I was dead. Completely dead. But, I get time at home….time to make my research papers, time to send them to journals, time to do all the other work I have pending (like writing this blog J ) and time to just sit and still tell myself, you shall have time to study later on.

All is currently good. But, of course, I can’t wait to finish Orthopaedics. I like studying it, but I don’t like being a part of the team. I don’t particularly enjoy the whole scene, never have.

What I really want to write about today, is something that I heard yesterday. So friend of mine messaged me yesterday saying that he may be the topper in Paediatrics in our college. The list may be out this week (or there may be a function this week) and since he isn’t here, I may have to go and check. Have I mentioned before that my Paediatrics marks hurt? I missed out on distinction by one mark (and that left me with no distinctions this year, which hurt in places that I knew it would hurt). Wost part is, I know exactly where I lost that one mark that could have given me something close to pride about my performance this year. Yesterday, he told me that he may be the topper and also that he had crossed that distinction mark (75%). I had been cherishing this tiny hope that I may be the topper of Paediatrics (because the people above my rank have all scored less than me). I was hoping that I may get at least one prize this year (since all the others are totally out of my reach). But, that doesn’t seem to be so now. This friend of mine has scored way lesser than I have. It never crossed my mind that he could get more marks than me in any subject. When I read his message yesterday, I had half a mind to not reply and half a mind to send a really rude message. Ultimately, I gave myself some time to cool down and sent a congratulatory message. Which has left me pondering over my morals-

I always give importance to the marks scored. I want those awards, all that adulation, not because it swells my pride up to the point of bursting, but because it makes me think a little better about my own capability. In the long run, nobody will give as much importance to number of distinctions I got in so many number of subjects, or the list of prizes I won for my academic excellence in college (not even at the University level), or that fact that I stood 1^st/2^nd/4^th in class. What will be more important is the research I’ve done, the papers I’ve published, the places I’ve been to, the skill I have, the knowledge I manage to use practically (all that an examination doesn’t test at all!). And yet, I go hankering after all these marks, all the ranks, all the awards I don’t get….I, even if it is for a moment, spoil all the positive relations I have with people I call ‘friends’ and wish they go rot in hell. I hate being like this. This is insecurity. Insecurity that shouldn’t even be present because time and again, I’m facing examples of people who haven’t had the kind of academic achievements I’ve been lucky to get, but are doing amazing things, getting awesome placements in the best Universities in the world.

I wish I could change myself, I really wish I could. It is a good thing to desire to achieve the best there can be. But, it comes with this sort of a mentality as an auxillary, then it isn’t worth thinking of reaching that place.

Yes, its all out now…feeling better J I have a two day off now. I hope I study J

Curtain Falls

It has finally happened!! My ICMR Project report is out, and it says -

Wait for it!

APPROVED!!!!!!!!


 I'm so relieved!! I have had so much trouble with this whole project idea this year, I can't actually believe my eyes which read that "Approved". Yes, everyone around me told me that it was a good topic, that Diabetes is a subject that no researcher can ignore, that the effort I had taken was for real and that the authorities would see that, that I deserved to get the approval.....but, my whole experience was one big roller-coaster....I never believed that I would touch solid ground, until I did for real. Yes, I have finally touched solid ground.
From the complications that arose from our Symposium Competition and the submission of the Research proposal clashing....to the missing of the date for the Ethics Committee Meeting...to the decision of almost giving up this project, irrespective of whether the ICMR allowed me to do it or not....to that provisional certificate that was given and then revoked (after I'd completed my study)....to having been called to present my topic before the Ethics Committee (something that has never happened with ICMR projects before)....to running around behind the new Head of the Ethics Committee to give me my approval letter....to having to buy the Lipid Profile Kit for my project....to having to make the numerous trips to the lab to get things moving...to having gotten my mom to college to collect the blood of my first two patients....to getting so nauseous out of worry that I did not eat for two whole days...to coming everyday to college compulsorily to get two (and any more being called 'bonus') patients of Diabetes everyday....to having trouble with the Statistics of the project....to waiting till the last minute (after my Prelims got over) to create a report out of whatever I'd managed to find....to that final horror of a day when things got unruly at home, and I still managed to send the whole report to ICMR.....yeah, it has been quite a journey.
I made mistakes along the way, I hated my life along the way too....I made life hell for all the people close to me, friends and family included. It was tough, but it was an experience...something that I shall never forget for the rest of my life. I know what it's like to conduct research, I know the pains people take to do something that can get them something more than just plain knowledge (the feeling of having done something great, found something new)....I understand why people fall in love with their papers and hate it when they get rejected from Journals they are sent to for publication. I landed at the other end of the scale...instead of falling in love, I hated it....I thought I could've come up with something grand, and I did not. Which hurt, yes it did. But, I think it is grand now. Out of the 1000s in the country who applied for this Short-Term Studentship, they selected around 200, and out of those 200, they approved my whole research. Yes, this is a good positive feeling.
Looking back, I probably don't want to miss the Ethics Committee meeting date. That is pretty much it. I wouldn't change a thing about my experience while doing this project. I met some really good patients...I was told many good things by a lot of patients....my 70 patients, who shared a part of their life with me deserve a big thank you. I learnt a lot about talking to you, being kind, appreciating the problem you have, trying to make things better for you...as I said in the assessment of my experience, I grew as a doctor, I learnt to be a doctor and a human being. I might not be very gentle during my internship, but I do know that I have a responsibility to treat every human as human, give importance to everything the patient has to say, and always be kind, no matter what. Yes, that was my biggest lesson.
It would've been such a bummer to not have got this approval...I'd have probably been chanting all sorts of negative thoughts, hating those 4 months, wanting to have followed my heart and not wasted time in my project. But, God has been there, and been there in style :-) Thank you so much Dear God. You have no idea how much this means to me!!
So overall, yes, I hated the year. I took on a lot of things apart from plain studying-
1. The Symposium on Islet Cell Transplantation
2. The ICMR Project
3. The Seminar on Hospital-Acquired Infections
4. The Paediatrics Quiz
5. The TB Quiz
6. The Medicine Quiz
7. The Asthma Quiz
8. The load of my Final Year studies
Phew. I think I've done decently well then.
Oh yes, the reason for that 'decently well'-
My Final Year results are out....I've gotten 72.33% :-)
No distinctions though...missed the one in Paediatrics by one mark :-p
I'm 4th in College. Which is sort of cool :-)...a let-down on last year (73%, Rank 2), but after looking at that list above, I think I've done better than I thought I would have.
Results were declared on 28th February. Since I was doing that BLS and ACLS course, I'd decided not to check my result. The tentative date was always 28th Feb, so that day, I was on tenterhooks all day long. You can imagine my delight when I got a text from a friend saying that they were not going to be declared on that day, but maybe the next day. I was on Cloud 9. I've been ranting about how I don't want this result, haven't I? It was an answer to all my prayers.
I was so happy about passing my BLS examination, I updated my FB status to "I can save lives now." Turns out people took that as my status response to the results having been declared. Oops. A few phone calls down the line, I had to delete my happiness over my BLS course from FB. Weird thing is, the moment I deleted it, I got another text saying, "Results declared." Now, you would obviously think there was still some confusion over my just-deleted status. Which is what I thought and replied also. Fate had decided t play a trick on my me and my jolly mood though. Results did get declared. Hmm.
I thought I'd just check out the college list to see whether I'd passed or failed. Seeing that "PASS" against my name gave me a sigh of relief. At least there was no further exam to take 6 months down the line. Again to soothe my nerves down a bit, I called up my school friend, talked for half an hour, then decided to check my marks.
There they were- 651/900. Was I happy? Umm. Was I sad? Umm. I was actually empty on emotion. I had now gotten the tag of Dr. to my name, and I was still feeling empty. That was strange. I didn't really care about anything. I knew I hadn't topped but that did not matter...I knew I hadn't come 2nd, but somehow that did not hurt or matter either. These marks just proved that I was done. Done with this jam-packed final year forever. That gave me a calm, a serenity that did not budge for a long time (now it has, because the thought of internship scares the hell out of me). It has been that way about my results this year. I don't care. As long as I pass, that is all that matters. I feel more satisfied about my Project and my Course. Maybe that sounds strange....but it sounds good to me. And it has put my mind in a state that has come to terms with these marks much faster than ever before.
Done...now I can only look upward from here. No going back. 

BLS and ACLS

I thought of writing about the two most important things for me right now, together, but then it didn't really make sense. Let's have two different posts then.
I managed to complete the Basic Life Support and Advanced Cardiac Life Support Courses. I am now a certified provider of both, and man, am I so confident and happy about the two!!
Day one was really good. One of my chief problems has been talking to people. Somehow, the two years higher secondary school and the four years of college taught me everything except communication. I haven't been the kind of a person who makes friends everywhere she goes, and these experiences just added to that trait more than ever. I haven't been doing a lot of out-of-college stuff, so the chance of trying to get out of this trait never came. I was worried about the experience of doing this alone. But, you know what, I'm not that bad after all. I did meet new people and definitely made a new friend :-)
Going back to the actual course- BLS was fantastic. Initially, the task of doing 5 cycles of 30 chest compressions with an interruption of <10secs :-="" :-p="" a="" after="" aha.="" aha="" an="" and="" anything="" arm="" as="" association="" at="" been="" between="" beyond="" bls="" but="" by="" can="" cardiopulmonary="" certified="" course="" day.="" designed="" do="" end="" examination="" got="" had="" has="" heart="" helps.="" hurt="" i="" if="" in="" into="" involves="" is="" it="" learning="" man="" merican="" method="" mode.="" more="" my="" nbsp="" now="" of="" on="" over="" p="" perceived="" period="" plus="" practical="" protocol="" providers="" really="" resuscitation="" s="" see-and-learn="" session="" step-by-step="" stupid="" superb.="" teaching="" technique="" than="" the="" there="" things="" this="" time="" to="" tough.="" under="" was="" we="" well="" were="" which="" wrist="" written="">

ACLS was more taxing. The whole process was beautifully organised. We were shown videos of teams managing cases...step-by-step videos....followed by putting-it-all-together videos, so the idea of an ACLS team was put through to us via visuals than mere didactic sessions. Those videos were a class apart. I have always admired the importance of protocols and organisation given in the Healthcare system in the US. This course provided perfect evidence to my previous heard-from-others respect.

From my point of view, the ACLS was more demanding. I haven't worked in a hospital before, haven't been a part of a team that needs to save a dying patient, haven't ever needed to think fast, act fast, be on my toes all the time, manage a whole team, think of what everyone is doing and ensuring that it done well. That is exactly what this course was about. I was the youngest person there, having just completed my final year of undergrad (and not even a doctor on the first day, our results were declared that evening). I was quite taken aback, when they said that we were going to be tested on our ability to be team leaders and guide a team to perform an ACLS service. Yeah, here I was, fresh out of medical school from India (where they don't teach you anything not-theoretical)....having my own doubts about calling myself a doctor and now, I was supposed to consider myself the most experienced out of the whole team and order them around as if I knew what it was exactly I have to do. I've always had my doubts about my own capabilities, but the second day of our course, those doubts stood out like tall pillars hiding me from what I knew was to be done. The instructors kept saying that when you know the algorithms by heart, there isn't much difference between a doctor and a non-medical person. All you have to do is follow the protocol and the algorithm.
Then came the task of identifying cardiac rhythms. Have I ever mentioned how stupid I am, when it comes to cardiac rhythms? Those ECGs were never taught to our batch (our bad, and only our bad. All my friends in other batches came to final year knowing how to read ECGs). They gave me nightmares during exams (and my final university examination, luck stood by me. I got an Inferior Wall MI to identify, the only rhythm I could identify). So, when they said you have to analyse rhythmns, yes, I threw up inside of me. I'd rather do something else. What added to my stress further was that everyone else already knew the rhythms (thanks to being doctors working for years, or doctors who'd completed their internship.). I was terrified. Let alone having ever seen a defibrillator or a TCP device before, I couldn't even identify rhythms. How was I to know whether to shock the patient or not?
Day two left me a little bruised inside. I was wondering how I'd fare in the examination the next day. I was wondering whether it had been a good decision to do this course now, at the start of my internship. A lot of questions swum around in my head, as I mugged up all those algorithms and tried out all sorts of permutations and combinations of them, thinking of patients weaving out of one rhythm and going into another.
I don't know whether it was the feel of a new day or just the fact that I'd studied hard enough to finally get hold of the idea, but next day (i.e. yesterday) when we practised again, I was understanding things, thinking for myself, looking at myself as a team leader, and gaining confidence as I did it all. It helped that our instructor was very pleasant and very nice about all the doubts I had, explaining every little thing to me. So as luck would have it, my practical went really well. So well that the examiner asked me where I worked :-p Lol!! When I told him that I was yet to start with internship, he gave me this surprised+satisfied look and said, "Very Good then. I thought you were working in some institution." Such a boost. The theory was a little tough, but I managed to get the required percentage. Yay!!

So now I am a certified BLS and ACLS Provider for two years....I have the confidence to know and do exactly what I need to save a dying patient in the casualty....and yes, I feel more like a doctor now than I felt immediately after our results were declared (when I officially became one :-p) 

The Day Before

I can't believe I'm being like this. Although, I actually believe it. yes, that blasted day is just round the corner and all I can think of and wish for is Jan 12th to return back.....ahhh...those wonderful first few days after exams got over....so relaxed, so carefree, so alive and so real....I can't bring them back, but I keep wishing for it.

I have no expectations this year, that I have to stay true to. The Rank 2 from last year managed to get that demon off my chest. Of course, I won't be terrified the moment I know the result is out (like last year. I freaked myself out. I swear I have a dual personality disorder. One is as cool as a cucumber, the other as Type A a personality as can be.). I know I probably did all I could for those exams. I was just glad to see them through and know, just know that I had managed to do enough to see the back of them. It isn't the same as last year. It is different. Yet, the fear of the result does not go away. Thanks to my awesome 2nd year result, I now have expectations that are so sky high, I simply know I haven't done that much hard work to do justice to them. I want to do so well. I want that No. 1 and that hurts.....it is no use asking for that No. 1 when you haven't put in the same amount of effort. When I haven't done enough, why should I want it? 

That is the question that plants the fear of tomorrow in my head. The passionate desire and the practical common sense clash, and that irrational desire always gets the upper hand. Whoever said that practicality is always victorious. I know exactly how I'll be feeling minutes before I open that page:

"Please please please God, let me pass (with really awesome marks, I'm not going to lie to you).

No God, just let me pass, I don't care about those 'awesome' marks (but I do!!).

NO God, let me pass....and let me get what I truly deserve (maybe a teeny weeny bit more?)

NO ABSOLUTELY NOT. I know there are many others who have done much more than me, so you know, just give me what I deserve and get it over with. Nobody is going to ask me about this 10 years down the line (oh but they will, because more marks, stronger CV, better chances. Logic, girl.)

Damn your 'logic'. You know better than myself what I've managed to do and not do. I know you'll be just, because you have many people to care about, and frankly, all of them are asking you for the same thing as I am. So, thank you for some wonderful results in the past 2 years. Hope it is the same this year, at least enough for this year."

Yes, that will be the conversation in my head....between that Desire and that Practicality. Ultimately, the Practicality will get strong enough to drown that Desire's voice, but my Desire isn't one to back down so easy....it'll continue screaming...at a really low volume yes, but it shall continue. I hate myself for being like this (for being human actually....who doesn't aspire things out of their reach, eh?)...I'm not one of those self-centred people who think they are so important for the world to survive, so I do feel wrong when I pray the way my Desire just prayed. But, it is a trait I haven't been able to get rid of. All thanks to identifying my true potential after the disasterous first year. This does not just include the exam performance. It includes all those small post-end examinations that managed to make me believe I was good at Medicine.

Any way, I've enrolled for a Basic Life Support and Advanced Cardiovascular Life Support (BLS & ACLS), conducted under the aegis of Symbiosis Institute of Health Sciences in association with the American Heart Association. It starts tomorrow. I shall try and concentrate on the course and not answer any calls/messages or communication of any kind that says, "Results are out." Lets hope this has the same effect as taking a journey to a destination unknown.....to try calm my nerves down a little. I do have a strange feeling that that isn't going to happen....and that this course is not going to be as great as I'd initially thought it was going to be. I'm not much of a hands-on person...and that is exactly what this course requires. But, it is essential in my endeavour to be eligible for Universities abroad, so need to do it. Sigh.

Help me, Dear God....calm me down, let tomorrow be a happy day, and let this year come to a decent end :-)

The Oscars

I want to watch the Oscars. Right now, as they happen Live. And I have the time to do it too. As my luck would have it, I'm stuck without the one TV channel that is broadcasting them live. My luck sucks to the extent that when I called up customer care to get that channel, they tell me that since I have some add-on packs running, I can't buy one particular channel. Instead, I'll have to buy a whole pack of channels.
Sometimes, I hate these companies SO much. I'll be paying more money for that one channel than for those 5 combined. So frankly, they will gain something by allowing me to have my one channel. But, it works better with the rule they have - if you want one channel, get rid of all your add-on packs, and then take each channel separately. The games these people play. Hmmm.
Moving back to the Oscars- I love watching them. They come at an awesome time, thanks to the time zone of the venue. Nothing is more enterprising than getting up early, finishing everything there is to do and then sitting in front of the television screen to enjoy a real show of talent. That's actually another reason why I love them. Movies which are truly good actually make it to the nominations (unlike our Hindi film industry counterparts, who depend a lot on the star power, production house power, song and dance power and marketing tactics, instead of giving more emphasis to performances). And I've always hated the whole idea of dance performances all throughout the evening during all our Indian award functions. Firstly, most of the stars who perform, don't look like they've practised a lot. The troupe behind them is what carries the show through, as these guys depend only upon their mere presence. I watched the Idea Filmfare Awards, and the only performance I liked was that of Hrithik Roshan. Out of the whole damn evening.
My favourite movie this year has been Life of Pi. What visuals!! The book was always captivating. But what the movie has done to the book, is magic. It has managed to ask questions of the viewer in every frame, in every dialogue, in every movement. The director said that this movie does things to you, not during, but after it is over and you're lying down on your bed, waiting for sleep to come. That's when you wonder....that's when you wish to answer....that's when the many messages that are hidden all through are unearthed....slow...steady....Did any body notice that the Island of the carnivores that Pi discovers was in the shape of Gautam Buddha lying down? It shows for just a split second. But, there you go....tiny moments like that. They touch you at places you didn't know your mind, heart, soul had.
I saw in the news that they won the Oscar for Cinematography and Visual Effects. Totally deserving. No competition. There was magic, there was wonder, there was a strange beauty in that whole journey.....a beauty that did not cease to be cherished even when it went wild, even when it was frightening.
The Alchemist did this to me when I read the book. There was this unearthly beauty, this out-of-the-world feeling of hope, positivity and love of everything there is to be. Life of Pi, the movie did it to me again. It was an intelligent decision not to read the book before watching the movie, I guess. When I read the book after, I managed to get the most I could, out of both.
Oh you stupid Cable Company. I was so interested in watching the Oscars this year. For a change, all the movies on the list genuinely interested me. Sigh... 

In a Soup

Today, my attempt is Mushroom Soup- something that I dearly love. I have a cookbook at home. I tried the recipe from that.

Ingredients:

200mg Mushrooms, chopped as you want them to look

½ lt of milk

4 cups of water

¼ cup of wheat flour (kanik)

Salt

Pepper

Butter

Garlic paste 1tsp

Method:

Clean and boil the mushrooms to get rid of all the dirt. Don’t boil them too much though. Boil just enough to get a softer feel to the mushrooms.

Cut them and sauté them in 1-2 tsp of butter.

Take half of the sauted mushrooms in a container. Add ¼ lt milk, the wheat flour and the garlic if you want. Blend till you get a thick paste. I couldn’t find my almonds to add here, but they taste great. So a few almonds or 1tbs of almond powder will add to the richness of the paste.

Now add the rest of the milk and water to that paste and start boiling.

Add the rest of the mushrooms, salt, pepper and garlic (if not added before). A little more butter will improve the taste.

Boil for 15-20 minutes.

Serve hot in a bowl with pepper garnish. Finely cut coriander or cream can also be used J

MUSHROOM SOUP - Garnished with Black Pepper

Grilled Veggies

GRILLED VEGGIES

The result of my first attempt at cooking in 2013 can be seen above. I had to do a lot of trial and error when it came to grilling, since I was using the microwave oven for it. Ultimately, after 7 minutes of using the microwave + convection option and another 2 minutes of microwave + grill option, I got something close to what I wanted.
The taste was outstanding. I have to thank Youtube for providing me with an easy marination recipe.

You can check it out in the video link above. The changes I would suggest are:
1. You can use Sabji Masala instead of the tandoori masala mentioned in the video.
2. I also used cauliflower and carrots.
3. Frying the veggies in a pan of 3 tsp oil or butter will improve the taste.
Next time I'll try boiling the veggies before marinating. That should help improve the final appearance of the grilled veggies.

Mom and Dad really liked the whole idea. I'd used a lot of vegetables and we didn't grill all of them. We had the rest in the form of a salad. That tasted great too :-)

Yay! Attempt No. 1- Exceeding Expectations :-)

Crazy Worry

February has begun, and now that dreaded countdown begins. As I sit and think now, I realize that it is worse to wait for the result than to wait for the examination that gives rise to that result. As much as I live for exams, with the passage of time, I have only become weaker and weaker in handling the stress of that result. Is that a part of growing up? Or is it my B12 defc acting up? Or is this simply me finally shedding my cool-as-a-cucumber image and going the Type A personality way? No idea.

When I look back over the past 4 years and my reactions to my result, they have been interesting in a way. First year, I had no clue. Absolutely no clue. I was out choosing tiles for our new home (yeah, imagine all my colour-coordination and artistic thoughts being sqashed by “YOUR RESULTS HAVE ARRIVED”). It was a shock, but since I wasn’t going anywhere near a computer for the next 2 hours at least, I was able to be myself when I finally laid my hands on the computer. Phew. That was my scariest result, because there was a danger I was going to fail Anatomy. I did not. Yay!!

Second year, I was at home, down with an upset stomach, watching my favourite event- ICC Cricket World Cup, 2011. It was my favourite match – Aus Vs Nz. It was a nice day, Aus was doing so well, they’d gotten NZ out for an under 200 score (I think around 161). When I watch cricket, I’m usually far away from my cellphone, which was precisely the case at that time too. Messages went unnoticed,  phone calls too. I still don’t know what made me go and check my cellphone to have my friends calling and telling me my big news- that I’d topped. I’m not going into the details of that day. I was unprepared and that helped me keep my cool a little.

Third Minor year was when I lost it. I did. It was the pressure of that second year result, and I lost it. Today, looking back, I don’t know what else I could have done to get more marks, but I wasn’t happy about my result and that day does not stand as one of my happy days. When I started studying after that, I thought that the pressure to top was off me, now that I’d relinquished that throne. In fact, during my I-don’t-care-a-damn moments, I don’t have that pressure at all. But, ever since February started, those nice moments have been few.

I end up thinking about all the things that went wrong in all those practicals, all the ways I could have managed to cram up my timetable more than I managed, all the luck I could have had in the world if I’d just tried harder (Have I mentioned that I believe in the philosophy “God Helps Those Who Help Themselves”? I think I have mentioned it before in one of my posts). It hurts. This feeling of inadequacy hurts. I know I could not possibly have done any more than I managed. I know that my efforts are good enough to get me my MBBS degree. I also happen to know that my parents are going to me incredibly proud of me for finishing this course in a sane manner.

And I also know a few things about myself:

1.       I’ve become greedy. You’ve shown me that coveted Rank 1 once. Now I keep wanting it again. Even when I know, I don’t deserve it.

2.       I may say that marks don’t matter, but damn you, they DO. A lot.

3.       I don’t really care about other people’s marks, but then I do care about them any way. Especially a few ‘special’ people.

4.       I just know that my marksheet is never going to live up to my expectations. The only reason for that anomaly is that my expectations are tall mountains the height of Everest, and the effort I put it, just about scales the local hill in my city.

5.       Even 10 years down the line, I’ll always look back on these undergraduate years and decide which year was best according to the marks I scored in that examination. So, first year is the worst, 2^nd the best and the two parts of final year still have to decide their places. I won’t look at all the things I managed to do, all the fun I had, all the friends I made, all the gossip I shared, all the quarrels I had. No, it’ll be those marks and that marks-covered glass through which I will view these 4.5 years.

I’m shit nervous right now. And this nervousness will only increase. The tentative date currently is 28^th Feb. Lucky me, I have my Basic Life Support training course on that day. It is going to last for 8 whole hours. So, I shall not be very close to my cell phone. In fact, I think I’ll change a few settings on my phone, so that I can only answer my family phone calls and messages. The rest of the world will be blocked, until I am ready to show my face to that world. You know, they say you’re whole life flashes before your eyes when you die. My whole undergraduate course flashes before my eyes, when I look at those marksheets; also, some decent memories from before my BJ years. All my achievements flash before my eyes. And that is good enough to make me look at that marksheet and be depressed for the rest of the day.

Dear God, give me strength. 

The Want-To and the Don't-Want-To

One of the worst things about holidays is that, although you know what all you want to do, you are too bored to push yourself into action. Ultimately, you end up wasting days one after the other and you enjoy that!

My list of things to do after exams get over included:

1

 Yeah, that’s a long list. I did not have a timetable as such, but I could imagine myself making something that looked like a timetable and following it. To follow a timetable, you need to make one. These holidays have been one big non-timetable event. I can’t bring myself to start following my own directions. I’ve spent the last 4.5 years following timetables – when to get up, when to brush my teeth, when to have a bath, have breakfast, read the newspaper….the number of hours I should study, the duration of my study breaks and what I should do in those breaks. I’ve done everything according to time. I designated each hour of the day for something specific and did follow that. So now, I’m so TIRED of doing it all over again and making myself feel like a prisoner of my own organization.

I just want to let go and waste time. I want to tell myself that its ok to do that, and I really deserve it too. So I might have some wonderful things that I have to do, but I’m doing them at my own leisure pace. It’s like there’s two of me (one with the organization & discipline that has been predominant for all the time I remember of College; and one that can be as lazy as the other can be disciplined, which is not even allowing that first self to make itself heard, let alone have an impact :-p )

So out of that whole list of things to do, I’ve managed some. Not to the extent of being maniacally good and sufficient at them, but better than a bad job. I’ve managed to get an idea about my future. Now all I need to do, is study to make it happen (oh Lord! It is back to studying soon….sigh). I have rearranged my study table a bit, and my room too. I can’t make up my mind about textbooks from the previous year which I’d kept my special library upstairs. I decided that can only be done when I make my study timetable. That is definitely not happening in the next 2 days at least.

I have also started pouring on cookbooks. We’ve had our super-microwave for about 3 years now and I’d never bothered to read the stickers on top of it door. They say : Ceramic Grill, Quartz Grill, Convection Cooking. Bloody hell, the microwave in my house was capable of grilled food, barbequed veggies, baked stuffed food, cakes and I never knew it!! Today, I’m going to try out the barbeque. Nothing very extravagant…just veggies and mushrooms. My mom and I were food- shopping day before yesterday, and I picked out my first packet of mushrooms. The thing about Mushrooms is- I LOVE THEM. The story behind this love began 8 years back, in 2004. We were on our tour of the South-East Asia. The airlines provided us with boiled mushrooms as a part of our vegetarian meal. At that time, although I knew what mushrooms were, I hadn’t eaten them before by themselves. Definitely not boiled mushrooms only. I was pretty much the only person in my family (of 4) who managed to eat them all ( like all the mushrooms designated to 3 of us), and I asked each of those nice little button-mushrooms just one question : “Where have you been all my life?!” That’s it. The start of a perfect story. Today, I’m still so so so crazy about mushrooms. Whenever we go out for dinner, my eyes always travel to the mushroom part of the menu. All the pastas I order always have one core ingredient – mushroom. All the appetizers I order have mushroom in some form or the other. One of my favourite places to eat out, is BarbequeNation. They have a wonderful live barbeque with mushrooms. I am chiefly responsible for the lack of mushrooms on the skewers :-p

As much as I love mushrooms, Mom has never cooked them at home. She says she’s worried about the quality of mushrooms and the way you prepare them. So, usually, when I’m in the mood for mushrooms, I usually get some takeaways. What that takes away from me, is that feeling of actually preparing them myself. I haven’t had the time, before right now, to make my own experiments with mushrooms. Day before yesterday, I decided – This is it. My Dad has been pestering me to get a start on the barbeque, and I can start off with barbequed Mushrooms. Once that is successful, I can move onto bigger things. Yes, today is that grand day. I shall have mushrooms made by myself. I am SO excited J

I am reminded of the movie Julie and Julia. I feel like Julie now. I’m mainly trying out recipes from cookbooks. I’m thinking of starting off with one by Tarla Dalal. Maybe the next few posts of my blog can be a part of the Jili & Tarla series :-p I hope in the next year or so, I can provide proof of my love of cooking. Currently, I’m pretty much stuck to providing Hakka Noodles and Veg Manchurian to any body who comes home for a meal. If I love cooking, I should be capable of doing more than that :-p

Ok, moving onto the other points on my list- I have checked out a few libraries around here. I really liked one. I think I shall go and get myself registered today. I need to get a move on my reading list. I miss those days, when I was so up-to-date with the latest books. Yes, I will start today. Yes I will!! I have also started off with my yoga and exercising. I’m experiencing that muscle ache I’m accustomed to, for the first few days of stretching. I took a break today. It is Sunday, and I can’t even walk straight :-p My aim to get myself into a shape that I can admire in the mirror. I don’t want to lose weight (hell, a few more kgs lost, and I shall definitely shift into the malnourished category), all I want to do is, shift the fat in my body to all the right places. I know that is more difficult than simply losing weight, but hey, you won’t know until you actually try it out.

As far as meeting up with friends goes, yeah, I think I’m really behind on that. But, after days of planning and cancelling, an old school friend of mine and I did end up meeting yesterday. That has given me immense hope, that I will meet each of my friends sooner or later :-p

Spanish is a language that has always enchanted me. But, guess it is these holidays. I have the numbers of classes close to my place, I’m just too lethargic to call. This one is going to take time. Where language comes into play, I also have to restart writing my diary. I know that once I sit to write it, I won’t stop till I finish. But inertia is inertia. Maybe a few days of exercise with give my mind the strength to get out that inertia.

And my grandparents. Yes, I have made quite a headway there. I go to meet them every Tuesday. It obviously isn’t the same as actually staying with them, but I try. I love the feel I get there. Ahh….yay, just two more days to Tuesday, and I’ll be back there J

That’s my holidays. At the end of these, I want to get rid of my dark circles, sleep A LOT, eat all my favourite food and waste time. Since about half my time is already over, I need to get things done and fast. Come on!!

APAO-AIOS 2013

Hyderabad started off as one big boring journey to end as one big boring journey too. But, in between those two boring ends was a conference that was the exact opposite of boring.

I have never been a person for train journeys. Call it my vice or whatever, I’m used to travelling by air, and love the feel of not having to take care of everything during my travel. Yes, I am lazy, so air is a perfect option for me. That being said, I was really excited about this train journey my mom and I decided to undertake to reach Hyderabad. Looking back, the only reason we did so was because one of my mom’s colleagues literally sold us the train option (all the advantages, disadvantages, etc.). I think the last time I’d travelled by train was a good 8 years back, with a wildlife group (again, I did not have to take care of much during that journey. See, I simply LOVE that sort of a feeling.). So, now 8 years down the line (and having grown up into an adult), I looked upon it as something exciting and new that I was to do. As the day arrived, all I wanted to do was wrap myself in my warm blanket and curl up in my bed. I did NOT want to enter that train. But, enter I did, with my minimal luggage and a heavy heart, as I waved my Dad a goodbye. I did feel a little excited, but that ended when I realized that I was going to have to spend the next 12 hours on the top berth, with no window next to me, and in that train. Have I mentioned before that I am a little claustrophobic?

All that said and done, it wasn’t that bad. I slept through most of the journey, but once I got up at 5:30 am in the morning, I had no idea what I was supposed to do, lying in that top berth with everyone below me, fast asleep. I don’t remember the next details with absolute clarity, so I might have drifted off into the uncomfortable morning sleep again. The next part of my adventure only added to my misery. I realised I didn’t have a roaming plan on my phone, that train got slower and slower with every station it stopped at, and once we got down, the crazy rickshaw drivers started quoting exorbitant fares to get to our hotel.

When we reached our hotel, my morale reached an even lower ebb, just looking at the place. I thought there’d be something more to it than a simple building that looked like a residential one, rather than a hotel. There was nothing to do! No place to even roam about in there. My last experience in a hotel had been in Evershine Keys, Mahabaleshwar- a place where I enjoyed food, sleep, sports and all the luxuries of a 5* resort. Oh man, this trip was turning into one big trip to boredom. Mom said I could accompany her to the conference venue. There they always have something for the family members of delegates, to do. Yeah mom, I was going to sit there all by myself, watching kids perform for their family members. How boring.

I think she realised that. So, we went and enquired about the spot registration for “Accompanying Persons”. However, since I am now a doctor, I got myself registered as a delegate!! And from there, this conference just got better and better J Now that I was an official delegate, I could attend all the sessions I wanted, learn whatever I was interested in and enjoy the great food too. And that is exactly what I did. The food wasn’t the best ever, but good enough (especially the Mexican, Continental and the Pastas. But, then, I am a big fan of non-Indian food any way. Maybe I was really born in the wrong country :-p ).

So what did I learn? I learnt that I am genuinely interested in Genetics of the Eye. I particularly enjoyed the sessions that dealt with experiments trying to find the exact genes responsible for Glaucoma and Keratoconus, and well as some genes found involved in various Ocular Surface Disease. There was a session by APAO (Asia-Pacific Academy of Ophthalmology) on Ocular Genetics that I found very interesting. I know I would enjoy doing something like that for the rest of my life. I attended about 3 sessions on Genetics and found each more interesting than the one before J

The other end that I clearly enjoyed was the area that dealt with the Microbiology of Corneal infections. I am so so so in love with Microbiology, even three years down the line, I feel this weirdly nice feeling in the pit of my stomach, the moment people start discussing microbes. The session I attended dealt with the uncommon pathogens (Nocardia, Microsporidius, Acanthamoeba) which geometrically enhanced that feeling. Ooh, it was a treat to listen to it all. I also attended a session on Ocular AIDS…it did not particularly live up to my expectations of it. Maybe, I expected  more lively speakers…I don’t know. It was good, but not the best.

I think that session that really made a difference, was the one on Publishing Papers. Now that I have data under my belt and I need to start writing papers to get it noticed, I thought this session would make a whole lot of difference and it actually did. I ended up feeling that I need to analyse my own expectations from this project and all, but it has made me feel a lot better about my fear of rejection of my papers. I have to work very hard on making my paper readable and interesting enough, but I have a few nice tips to refer to, when I start doing that. I think I enjoyed this session the most J

Another important aspect of my trip to Hyderabad was a visit to LV Prasad Eye Institute. I came back feeling a little scared of the whole setup. I was, however, reminded of my dear school when I was in there….the whole snooty, we’re-the-best attitude and the segregation. Oh man, I loved that atmosphere, and maybe I do need it again. Because, if I do Ophthalmology in India, a fellowship in LVEI will be my obvious next step. So, yeah, I was a little overwhelmed by the whole system there, but since I was reminded of my school-life that I am so in love with, I would be excited about my stint there.

On Saturday, we visited Snow World. It is an artificial snow-area, which tries to give you the feel of all those snow-clad areas in Winter. I’m saying tries, because it isn’t the same for obvious reasons. But, in a hot place in Hyderabad, that is the best thing you can get. It was fun, we got a nice picture and I had my first experience with snow (the artificial tag can go to hell J ). I was too bored and tired to attend the Gala Dinner, and later we were told that we didn’t miss much. So, yay! I got to sleep well.

Our last day was full of adventure. I, first, met up with my two close friends from school who now work in Hyderabad. That was a major highlight of my trip. There is nothing better than getting together with the people who’ve been such an immense part of your life for the most critical years of your life. 2 hours wasn’t enough to catch up on each other’s lives but we did try our best. Love you guys!! I am going to take your invitation to come to Hyderabad again and crash at one of your places, seriously. Be ready guys J

Now comes the boring part of our trip. We had a train to catch at 2:45 pm. We had to get to the station at least half an hour before because we didn’t know our seat numbers. I booked a cab to the railway station. We got into it and started off, only to have the driver asking us, “Kya aapko station ke rasta pata hain? (Do you know the way to the railway station?)” WTH. We spent the next one and half hours moving around the city, going the wrong way several times, till he finally got us to the Secunderabad Railway Station only 10 minutes before the scheduled time of departure. We went to the enquiry booth, only to hear that our train did not leave from this station, but from another station which was almost an hour away. A double WTH. They said we could try to catch the train from Begumpet (which incidentally was the station closest to the conference venue. Hmph.).

There started a race against time. Mom went on the manic drive trying to get to the station as fast as possible. We got a taxi cab with a driver who knew his way around. On reaching the station, it was a scene to watch. Mom was running around everywhere trying to ask for details of our train. People at the enquiry windows were trying help her in that broken southern-style English of theirs. Ultimately, a Good Samaritan guy told her to calm down, as he helped us with the touch-screen that showed us our seat and coach numbers. Although they told us that the train was a good 10 minutes late, mom dashed up the staircases and down, trying to get to platform number 2 as fast as she could. I was so sure something was going to happen to her. But, thankfully the race was uneventful as we made it to the designated platform, well in time. Our train came after a good 15 minutes. Gave us all the time in the world to catch our breath and relax a little. Also, it gave us time to conclude that we are just NOT used to travelling by railway, and next time, however far that airport is from the venue, we are traveling by air and nothing else.

My first ever full-fledged conference- the APAO-AIOS 2013 ended on a good note. And, I was delighted to see so many satisfied and happy Ophthalmologists who all told me just one thing : Take Ophthalmology. There isn’t another branch like this, in the world….