Competitiveness

The urge to compete, the urge to win, the urge to somehow get ahead in a never-ending race of examinations.....
And I have suddenly got it!! I swear, I was never into the business of wanting to get more marks than somebody else, of wanting to study more, of wanting to KNOW that I am the better. I have been laid-back in life, in studying actually.
I have this crazy, maddening feeling that I need to perform better than some others. In fact, I now believe that I can do it. I know it might be tough and can definitely take a toll on me, but I simply want to do it all. I don't know exactly how this has got into me. But, I can say that the feeling has been building up. It started with my Gynaec term and the great reviews I got there, was carried on by my Pyschiatry Term-end, in which I ended up with the highest marks in the batch (37/50). Anaesthesia added another boost by coming up with a 20/25 in the MCQ test. Then, there have been the results of the current terminal examination. I have got the highest marks in the theory examination of Microbiology (38/50), and I think I did pretty well in Pathology (theory) also to get 39.5/50. I wish I had got better teachers to take the viva. I would have done much better than 26.5 and 23 respectively.
My point is that, I finally think I'm going in the right direction and that things are working well for me (touchwood). It is just like the form of a sportsperson. At times, you are at your best and all the hard work just helps you do much than you normally would have. Other times, you can do the best your body can manage, but you still don't reach the peaks that you have set yourself. Right now, I feel confident, I feel I am capable of doing things I want to do, I feel comfortable with all the marks, and I don't feel the pressure to perform. I want to perform and I  know I will. I just am so excited to start (and Parasitology only makes things even spicier!!).
So, with all the focus coming in, I love and enjoy Medicine even more. What more can a student want?

Psychiatry gives me a surprise!!

The 15 day posting ended on 15th April. Haven't exactly been the mood to write since then. Today, I am.

So Psychiatry. Wow! There is something, an inherent, ever-present sentiment.....a disbelief of sorts, that these clinicians can remain Doctors, sane-headed Doctors. It is interesting to listen to the calm and off-hand manner in which the patients speak. Stories seeming to be absolutely impossible, are said with such belief, it is SCARY. These people have a weird expressionless look in their eyes. Apart from that, extremely normal. And, of course, in our posting, we learnt about :

1. Schizophrenia

2. Bipolar Affective Disorder with Psychotic signs

3. Manic Episodes

Almost every second patient seemed to suffer from some kind of auditory and visual hallucinations.

That way, a very easy case to diagnose.

The Mental Retardation cases were heart-wrenching. We had a case of two 27 yr old brothers, who were mentally reatarded in the severest way. They couldn't utter a word , only identified individuals. Their father looked so old and worn-out and tired, I couldn't get his image out of my head for a very long time (stilll can't). The world is such an unfair place. Firstly, people are financially unequal, and to top that, the lowest class of people have to suffer from such disasters. Disasters that need the financial help to run a decent course, a course that is manageable. A mentally-retarded child is loved despite everything by his parentsm probably, even more because of his condition. It is killing to imagine, being in that 60 yr old father's shoes, wondering about the future of his two children, after he may be well beyond the capacity to provide for them....to imagine how he has spent all these years having to look after two children, he could never expect himself to hate or be taken away from him, and yet at times, wish for the same. It aches so much, and I felt relief, and still do, when he mentioned that he also has another son and daughter.

This is the only part of being a doctor that I don't like. Some patients, with the baggage they bring along, touch the most sensitive part of my soul, and almost always, I wish I could run away from it all, and never feel all this stuff.

Any way, I topped in Psychiatry. 37/50!!! It a second. After having got our Gynaec journals checked, the CR told me I did amazingly well in the term-end, and that our HOU was very happy with me. Now this. I feel previleged and lucky. I'm finally making some headway, and it feels like it. So satisfying, and a confirmation that I have chosen the right field.

Our current posting is Radiology. Very interesting. The best part of it is, the posting gets over by 11 30 am. So I easily get about an hour and a half in the library. Plus, I really like it, and the branch is one of my choices for a PG in.

My ICMR project didn't get selected. Only three out of like an easy 15, got selected. I'll still be doing it. The news was saddening, but I don't want my research being wasted, and I intend to see this project through.

Thats about it. We're going to Mauritius next week. I am SO excited!!! Can't wait! And I will write before we leave... I promise myself that.

Over At Last!!

I don't have to look at gynae and babies being born for another two years now!!!! Such a relief I say.

We finally finished with the last part of the term-end today. It wasn't brilliant, but it wasn't bad either. I could answer quite a bit, and over all, did not leave the room red-faced having embarrassed myself to the core. I was asked about the Sim's Speculum, the some drugs used in Obstretics - Oxytocin, Carboprost, Misoprost and Mala-D, the OCP. The viva did not last very long. We didn't even have any questions on normal labour or the maternal pelvis and fetal skull, which I had done more painstakingly than the rest. Actually, if I had been told that the pelvis isn't even kept on the viva table, I wouldn't have bothered at all!!

Any way, it doesn't matter. Fact is, it is over. 2 months.....can't even believe it has been that long. Feel like just yesterday we had started with the posting, and I was so disgusted with the nature of the branch. The past months have been fun obviously. Every batch of students gets closer to each other because of clinical postings, one or the other. In case of the first twenty students, it was their paediatrics posting, in case of roll no.s 25-40, it was their Gynae posting. In our case, i guess it was this posting only. its not anything different than normal. But, I can bear the people in my batch a lot more easily. And I have an easier time, shunning out the talk of people I don't want to listen to. It is just that simple.

In case of Surgery, and to a certain extent, Medicine, we did not really connect. Lots of irritating moments, when I wondered why I had ended up in a batch like mine; when I felt like slapping some people on their faces as hard as I could, and just throw them out of the batch. Trust me, it wasn't the simplest thing meeting them everyday. But, I guess, you do get used to some things when you do them every day. It is just that, with me.

Our unit might not be the most interesting unit, or the most intelligent. But, there's something about it that I am proud of. And, well, although I'm over the moon that Gynae is over, I'm equally excited about our next posting. It is Psychiatry, and I'm very eager to move into that mode. Looking forward to the weirdest patients there might be......:-))

Gynae, SOS!!!!

My Gynae term has almost come to an end, and I don't feel like I've anything new. Yeah, actually, it's wrong to say that. I have learnt something. But, there's no feeling of achievement, of having learnt something that can make me want to do Gynae. In fact, the feelings are the exact opposite.

Having watched children being born, I am not exactly awed by the procedure. Contrary to that, I'm grossed out by it all. And I have huge respect for any woman who has gone through it all. Man, we have a tough life, don't we?

Our term-end was divided into 4 parts:

1. Complete Journal - 5 marks

2. A short viva by our HOU - 5 marks

3. Case Presentation - 15 marks

4. Table Viva - 15 marks

Points 2. and 3. are over, and they were good. I got a Previous Lower Segment Caesarean Section case, and I enjoyed answering the questions. Trust me, the only enjoyable experience this whole term has been this part of the term-end. The journal completion was hell, and I still have to get it signed.

The last part of the term-end will be held on Monday. I am sort of dreading that, because this is the real test. Of knowledge, application, understanding and of course, the pre-requisite of Medicine - memory. I hope I do well.

The next terms we will have are 15-day terms - Radiology, Anaesthesia, Ophthalmology and Psychiatry. I'm excited about them.

College has been full of interesting academic activities, the latest being the Dr. V.S. Prayag Memorial Oration by Dr. Velu Nair, on Stem Cell Therapy and its future. It was a very interesting take.

Last weekend, we also attended our first Clinico-Pathological Correlation Seminar, popularly termed as CPC. It was a typhoid case. Every department involved presents their viewpoint, and then everyone has a take on the final diagnosis. Lastly, like the magic box, the pathologist has a final say and gives what the actual diagnosis was. Since it was a first, we didn't understand much. But it was an interesting 2 hours to spend.

So, life is abound with lots of sources of knowledge, and I'll make the best I can out of it all.