The Prelims Over :-)

Looking at the few results that have come out, its not been the happiest of times, but its not like I expected to rock my exams.

These 3 weeks have been nerve-wracking. First, it was back to back papers. That pretty much left you with no time to really brood over the previous paper or the next one. My acid-test was the Surgery paper. My relationship with Surgery hasn’t been smooth. I like the subject. I love it. Its amazing how that is possible. Surgery is Anatomy clinicalised, if there is such a word. I used to HATE Anatomy. I couldn’t visualize anything in there. But, here I am, 3 years down the line, liking the subject that is the advanced course of the subject I hated.

Any way, so as much as I love the subject, I’m not very confident about it. So, when it comes to an exam or a practical I get so paranoid. The day before my Surgery paper, I was at my wits’ end. It is all thanks to my dad who somehow got me through that paper, with all his discussions the day before. Before my Surgery 2 paper, we did the same, but it wasn’t as successful. My paper wasn’t the dream that I wished I’d had. It was a cross-over between a normal dream and reality.

The rest of the subjects have been ok. I know my Obstetrics paper wasn’t as great as my Gynaec paper and the difference in the marks showed it. I know that my Med 1 paper was 100 times better than my Med 2 paper. Yes, those marks showed that too. My practicals were pretty fine. The Gynae pracs were especially better than expected. I got decent marks too. My internal assessment marks for my pracs are more than those for theory, so that does say something. The med practical was supposed to  be fine, but my marks didn’t show it. I was pretty disappointed with that.

At the start of this prelim exam, I just prayed that I get through it somehow, any how. I did. THAT is an achievement. For a month back, I was totally unprepared. Totally, completely, fully. I didn’t know how things were going to fall in place. They did. Not perfectly, but they did. To me, that is all that matters. A friend of mine says I’m overly competitive. I don’t believe that is true. I know the kind of answers I write or give in Vivas. After having taken exams for the past 20 years, I can say I’m an expert at it. There was a time when my papers were held up in front of the class to demonstrate how a paper should be written. Even now, in medicine, there is always something that I like to incorporate in my answers to make them better than the person before me. After all, the checking of papers is relative, isn’t it? All students study the same amount. All students write the same amount. They write the same things too (biology of the body won’t change with each paper, will it?). The difference between a 67/80 and a 40/80 is the method of presentation. It is your answer that shows your ability to succeed. And, I know I have to keep doing that to score more.

Do these scores matter anywhere? Not really. But, they do stand to give me a shot of confidence. So, I know that next time I write a Gynaecology paper, I shall be sure of myself when I’m writing it. The Obstetrics paper, on the other hand, will require some more effort on my part. When I know that I’m managed to score among the top brass of my batch, I know that I’m up there knowledge-wise.

These upcoming preparation leave days are going to make all the difference. I know that. It is going to be one tough month of studying. But, having gone through my prelims, I know I need to work extra-hard to stop myself from losing it before or during the paper. Our practical dates have also been declared and they are a month away from the theory exams. So, the upcoming 3 months are going to be the make or break of my Medicine journey. In this last leg, I can’t give up or be loose. I’m going to make each and every day, each and every second count.

New Year's New Gift

On 30th December, I attended the Installation Ceremony of Rotary Club NIBM of district 3131. My Mom was made President. It was one of those enlightening moments, you know. You see what all you can do with this preciuos little thing called Life. I haven't really got hang of the Rotary culture yet, but it was pretty clear to me that to get to that place, I'd have to do something meaningful with my life. Only then would I be in the position to give back to the Society, the Rotary way.
Meaningful started with doing well in my practicals, waiting for me pretty patiently in the suceeding week. It wasn't an easy ride getting there. As is the case in any college, we have log books called "journals". We are supposed to complete these journals and get them signed from our Head of Unit and Head of Department before we arrive for our University practicals. Unfortunately this year, our Ophthalmology journals were lagging behind on the HoD signature and she was in mood to give them to us that easily.
I do get her point. We went to her three days before the University examinations started. And, most of us had simply copied from our senior's journals. But, ultimately, every teacher wants her students to pass the examination and we thought the same applied to her.
To our utter misfortune, it did not. In fact, she did not seem to have an ounce of pity, let alone love, for any of us. The day before the examination, she declared she wasn't going to sign our journals. Since my batch (Batch F) had Ophthalmology practicals on the first day, we got ready for the worst...lambs for slaughter sorts...only worse, because despite everything, we were going to live and have to bear the consequences of our (and her) actions.
Imagine my utter horrifying disbelief on the day of the examination, when I heard that I was to be the first student to go to her and give my Viva. Was I scared? Yes. Not because I wouldn't be able answer anything, but because for the first ever time in a University Practical, I was carrying an incomplete journal. I should say I was lucky. I answered most of her questions and she didn't ask much about the journal. After hearing the conversations (if I may call them that - the students didn't really talk :-p) she had with the people after me, I was glad I got off easy...phew.. Ophthalmology was ok, actually...I could obviously have done better. But, thats just my love for the subject talking. In the past year, I just don't seem to have learnt the meaning of 'toning down'. I need to be the best at Ophthalmology, whatever may happen. I know it has hurt my chances of doing well, because I pushed myself too hard at that thought rather than doing it in action. It is over now, and finally, I can only pray that the examiner decides that I AM the best, and gives me marks to suit that statement.
With ENT, it was the opposite end of the pole. All I cared about, was passing in the subject. I think my problem with ENT has been a two-legged one. I don't like it and I don't understand it. There is no sane reason why that should be the case. I, personally, think it has to do with Genetics. When my Mom was pregnant with me, she was doing a one year residency in ENT. She couldn't stand it one bit. The thoughts got transferred to me at that time. So ultimately, I knew I hated the subject, even before I could reason out why. When I did reason out why, I found it had a lot to do with another subject I hated - Anatomy. ENT deals with the part of Anat I was never particularly good at - Head and Neck. With the 'brilliant' experience of Anatomy dealt with and over and done with, over two years ago, ENT dug out hidden skeletons and a lot of indecisiveness and insecurity.
I know that, when I write today, I have finished with ENT and I am surely passing in the subject. It doesn't make me happy. It makes me relieved. I have put a lot of work into pushing myself to the position where I can manage to be in a positive frame of mind with ENT. And that can only make place for relief. My practical was quite ok, actually. I wouldn't have thought of asking for a better practical. I can say this for sure, because when I was walking back from the department, I felt victorious for having gone through it and come out, all in one piece. With a stable mind :-)
Moving on to the third subject for the year - PSM. That practical was easily the best of the three. I know for sure that I have got my 20 marks of spots and biostats right. If not 20, at least 18 is garuanteed. And I had a good and a very good viva :-) The only crappy part of the practical was the time span - 8 am to 4:30 pm. There were seven of us left to complete the theory viva, when the examiners decided to go have lunch. It tested our patience. Every single bit. As one of my friends put it, "First they gave us a 40 day Prep leave only for the Practicals, then they gave us a 4 day Prep Leave only for PSM, and now they're giving us a 4 hr leave only for the Grand viva!!!" Ultimately, we all ended up chatting about the latest advertisements, the sitcoms, the stupidest jokes ever, all the PSM textbooks lying forgotten on the side. When the Examiners did come, all we wanted was to just finish off with the whole damn thing.
I think the New Year's gift this time, was good :-) there was definitely no let down in any way. And I am sure I shall be able to do well enough to remain mentally stable :-)
I have 4 days off now. 4 days before I go back the Year that is known to seep out every bit of energy left inside you. Vast subjects, no time, and things running like bullet trains. Thats what 2012 is going to be all about. Hopefully, by the year end, I shall have lived to re-tell the whole story with laugh :-) if not that, I shall still be telling the story any way :-) Happy New Year's to one and all!!
If this the year the world's going to end, lets end with a resounding happy bang!!! :-))  

Officially Into Second Year:

Out of the blue, the results rained down upon us, and I am very happy, relieved and pleasantly surprised to announce to the ENTIRE world, that I have officially stepped into the second year!!!
My marks are not the best there can be, definitely not ones that I'm used to. But, considering my plight before the exams ( having to 'cover up' marks in Anat, in the Univs), and my overall, quite a packed year, with activities other than studying for 12 hours a day, I am glad its all over.
In fact, having looked at my marks, I am delighted that I can happily throw those bones away and put away my Anat books never to look at them again. Of course, thats not true. We have a surgery term, and definitely need Anat here. But, the point is, now I can actually LIKE anatomy and do it at the same time.
I got a distinction in Biochemistry ( considered to be quite an achievement by my mom), and I am very happy I could do it. All through the year, I have maintained that Biochem is my favourite subject. Doing well in a subject you like, is always incredibly satisfying. I expected more from Physiology, but I am not in the mood to give my paper for a re-evaluation. 'Be content with what you have' is a motto I quite strictly follow where my marks are concerned.
There are a lot of people who have got more than I have. It is not a scenario I am used to. But, strangely I don't even care, because I was so afraid that Anatomy might just prove to be, what I always thought it to be: My Nemesis.
Plus, my internal points sucked. To the core. So frankly, I've scored a lot more in the final University exam, than a lot of people. But, my internals pulled me down to what I have. Which is 'average'.
Its the first time I'm so satisfied with an average that, try as hard as I can, I can't even be unhappy! I've promised myself that I'm going to study from day 1, and I have started too. Plus, I love Pharmacology. I could read it forever. So its a good start.

Moving over to Vedant 2009, we did quite a bit of work over the past one week. Organising committees devoted to individual events, sending out search parties for potential sponsors, sending out delegations to different colleges in the city to invite them..... it has been fun. I am devoted to the English debate. It took quite a brainstorming session of about 4 hrs to come up with rules. We still have the judges left to decide.
Right now, though, Vedant has been put on hold, with the outbreak of Swine Flu in Pune. It has become a situation and the city isn't quite capable of handling things well. We've had three deaths, and many positive throat-swab results. Colleges have been shut down for at least a week, and we have to wait for our Dean's decision on Tuesday, to decide the fate of our event.
With the amount of work we've put into it, one part of me wants it carry on. But, there's also the less confident second half of me, which fears managing the event, and so wants the stop. We'll see what happens. Till then, hope to enjoy the glory of officially becoming a second year student. :-)

Examinations - The Chapter

I've tried my level best to try and describe Exam Time in a Medical College....And failed....MISERABLY. Mostly because I didn't have the time to write all that I felt. So I thought, I'd try right now....only a little differently. Through chunks out of my Diary which would describe what I went through them.

* Dates to remember:

26th May, 2009 - Anatomy paper 1

27th May, 2009 - Anatomy paper 2

29th May, 2009 - Physiology paper 1

30th May, 2009 - Physiology paper 2

1st June, 2009 - Biochemistry paper 1

2nd June, 2009 - Biochemistry paper 2

30th June, 2009 - Anatomy Practical

2nd July, 2009 - Physiology Practical

5th July, 2009 - Biochemistry Practical

Excerpts from my Diary:

8/5/2009:

" Well, things aren't going all that well. I just CAN'T seem to FINISH!! I was supposed to end a 1st revision on Sunday. And its just not happening! I'm gonna push to Tuesday and hope I can still manage 3 revisions. But, you know me, Jili. So it all looks a little bleak."

11/5/2009:

" Managed a fair bit of Central Nervous System ( Physiology) and I'm actually on top of the world!! Its funny, how small things just make me smile like anything!!! Things are a little tough, but I'm, well not enjoying, but keeping the humour intact. After all, ur spirits need to be up in the high sky to make it through all this, right?"

19/5/2009:

" Alright, I'm a little worked up here. I knew I'd said I'm not going to take tension, but, wen you are way behind a schedule you've had to change twice to make sure you manage stuff once at least, you are in murky waters there. And, can you believe it, its Physiology that's getting me worked up. Not 'coz, I haven't done it once. Its because, I haven't done it twice!! Anatomy, I have 5 days. I can move the heaven of Anat on earth if I have to. But Physio's getting unnerving here. Ok, girl, cool down. Deep breaths. Remember that weirdly dark sky that you have neen seeing at 2:30 and 3:00 in the morning for the last few days. And smile. They're all there to sail you through. You are gonna pass. I promise."

Well, I really did have it coming to me. Especially since I couldn't move the heaven of Anat on earth in those last five days. But, I guess that happens to everyone. The papers were much better than I thought they might be. And considering that I was pretty much on the verge of puking and fainting just before my Anat papers, I'm glad, I came out with a smile saying " Its over!!" At that time, I knew I'd done well, because I wrote everything that I could remember. Looking back, I'm not so sure. But, its Medicine and this stuff does happen. Physiology and Biochemistry were good too, although the last paper ( Bchem II) was definitely the worst of the five. Point is, you can't expect to have six smashing papers. In fact, we'd been warned that either paper I or paper II is tough. So, since the paper Is went well, there was always the fear that the paper IIs would be disasterous. So, I'm happy that my worst paper was the last, and I didn't even have the energy to ponder much on it.

Excerpt from my entry on 3/6/2009:

" Exam's reduced all the weight I put on. It has worn me down; mentally, physically, inevery way possible. All those 2-3 o'clock nights the week preceeding and all the 40hour sleeps in the past week.... But, its over!! And for the pracs, its not going to be like this. So, I'm dead pleased."

Practicals was a whole different ball game, as I managed to realise, a triffle late if I may be permitted to say. It included our journals ( to be learnt cover to cover) and the ENTIRE portion for the grand viva. So, I got worried sick about Anatomy again. And it was pretty bad too. We had revision practicals and they were definitely better than I thought they might go. But, its me, and I always seem to believe that I am the worst BJ can get, at Anat. Its not true, but its something that has stuck on, despite having decent practicals. So, I'm just relieved that its all over, and praying hard that I don't have to do it again. Physiology and Biochemistry practicals were good too. Biochemistry actually qualified for " Good", in the real sense of the word. They were not exciting, nothing out of the ordinary. Just simple, quiet practicals. It is another matter that we were all absolutely impatient to get over with it all and say " Finally, its OVER!"

So, I'm going to say: The last four months have been the toughest and I definitely do NOT want a re-run of them in the years to come. I've learnt my lesson and its time I start studying from day one....Not as seriously as " I've got exams tomorrow" , but serious enough to prevent blotchy entries in my diary saying " I've got exams tomorrow". We're told that first year is the toughest. I've just put a bit of it behind me. And wait for my results to make sure that all of it is behind me.

Till then, I've decided to catch up on sleep, books and 'time-pass' that I've sorely missed doing in the past few months. They have really shaped my life, and I find it hard to believe that I finally have free time!! So, I'm lazying around. And doing it well. Friends, family and books.....and a new " Learn to Drive A Car".....I've got almost nothing on my plate (compared to the past months)..... and am making the most out of it.

An Interesting Week

I haven't been able to get a lot of time all week, to write about all the stuff that has been happening around college. So I'll start right away.
This may sound a little strange, but BJ does not have its own convocation ceremony. I didn't think much about it either, when I first heard about it. But the more I think about the amount of years and days we spend here, the amount of LIFE that we learn and live here, it does seem a poor way of celebrating an amazing 6 years of life, without a convocation ceremony. Mom and Dad said that, they didn't really think about all that when they finished with their course. It seems that there is a huge convocation ceremony at the MUHS, and the certificates are just handed over by post to students here.
Any way, the current batch of interns ( Batch of 2003) decided that they did want a convocation of their own, and wanted to do it all in a grand way. We had auditions for the organising committee, and I'm very happy that I made it into the committee. I'm in the Anchoring committee. For the moment we don't have anything to do as such, due to lack of information. So we're handling the invitation designing. Over all, I'm really excited about it all. This experience is different and , the output of it all, should be very satisfactory. We've had about 2 complete committee meetings, and two sub-committee meetings, and they have been learining experiences all the way. The convocation will be held on the 7th of March.
Apart from the convocation, the Firodiya is being talked about a lot. It is an inter-collegiate art competition. And by Art, I mean Art as in a play, songs, dance, music, fine arts, painting... the entire package. The guys are all deep into practice, and none of have seen a full-stretch of the play yet. We keep our fingers crossed any way.
BJ also won the first prize in an Inter-Collegiate Band Competition, held at Symbiosis day before. It is supposed to be of a good standard, this competition, and our band's lead singer was a first year batch-mate of ours. So obviously, we're a very proud batch, currently.
Yesterday, we finished with the Anatomy Seminar too. I didn't end up participating, but one of my really close friends did our poster. Prabhjot got a special mention for it, and we can't be more proud of her. She's given herself a hell of a nervous night, and the rest of us , some nervous days too. The seminar was more of a celebration of sorts. After finishing with the posters and presentations, we had a cultural program of a kind. It was refreshing to look at the Anatomy department dressed up and really happy for a change. All the participants did really well. Shreya and Mohini from my group of friends got the 3rd and consolation prizes respectively.
The week has been an interesting one, as the title of the entry suggests. I'm hoping that the next week is great too. Two weeks of continuous 6 days of college are pretty draining, so we're all looking forward to the second Saturday of this month, coming up next week. For students in BJ, this Saturday will be more important as a Holiday than anything else!!

Back To College

It hasn't been the easiest of tasks really. I actually like staying at home. I guess college is , well, not as great a place as home is. There were times when I used to look forward to going to school. And there were times when I used to look forward to going to class. Now, there's these times when I don't look forward to going to college. I've had to get myself ready, mentally, to just go through the days. That's what I don't like. The going to college thing. If I had it my way, I'd just sit at home and study. Thats way better and much more interesting.
Any way, college has been boring. We got about half of our results. I, sort of, did well in Biochem. 34 in theory and 30 in my pracs. A whole of 64. I passed. And that's what had me smiling. Anatomy marks just told me that I suck at it. And its gonna be much more than mugging up anatomy books thats going to help me there. My marks aren't worth disclosing, as much as I talk on this blog. Lets just say, I've got a lot to catch up in the prelims, and Thank God we have Anatomy for just a year. We're getting Physiology tomorrow and I think I'll pass, unless my pracs give me a big nightmare.
Among the newer stuff, Head and neck is quite tough. And I've sort of gained the will to study. So I'm studying quite a bit. Lets see how long the momentum lasts. It should last till about my prelims, so that I'll be ready by May to give the University exams.
We've now got an Anatomy seminar coming up. I'm quite interested, so I'm hoping that I get the chance to speak. Thats all thats happening. I'm just trying to adjust to college once more. Somehow those five days were so relaxing, my entire state of mind had changed. Its time to come back now, 'coz its show-time!! Yeah, right!

Exam Time - 3 : The Lessons Learnt

That's the end of it all. A nightmare, a bad dream, a lesson in life, a lesson of life, an experience, a treat, a premier college event.....whatever you'd like to call it. fact is, its all over, and I couldn't thank my stars enough for putting me into Batch C. We finished our practicals first. Batch E started theirs yesterday. So now we have a five day break, and it really couldn't come at a better time.
So how was Anatomy yesterday? Well, it wasn't good, in fact, if there's one paper I know I'm definitely failing in, its Anatomy. When both your paper and practical suck the way these did, well, there's no option but to smile and sigh and say, " Well, I really couldn't help that!" Yesterday was nightmare Anatomy relived, actually. Afetr having studied so hard for Embryology, I went blank. B-L-A-N-K blank. Never in my life have I gone blank in a viva. I get nervous and really cold and pitch-white, but I DON'T go BLANK! Guess, the teacher was sorry for me too. She really tried to put me at ease, talking about my braces and how long my treatment has been going on and all, but all to no avail. I couldn't hide my head enough in embarrassment.
Bones were better, but not as good as I wanted them to be. Thats all I really want to say. I don't know how I lived through it all. And the soft parts were a 50-50. They weren't great, but they weren't all bad. I did answer some things.
So, I wasn't all happy ( as I'd predicted before yesterday) at the end of my practicals. After all, there've been lessons learnt and they haven't exactly been sweet ones. So what have I learnt? Its very simple.
1. STUDY and study regularly and from the beginning.
2. Learn every practical once you finish it, and not a week before the exams. Or, as in my terms' caase, one evening before the exam.
3. I hate Anatomy. There's no doubt. I can't even think of thinking about imagining organs and where they're situated. But, that doesn't mean I don't do it. It means I take more time for it, at least this year, to score in the University.
4. I was always weak at Anat and its time I accepted that fact and worked towards beating it. Thats what all my idols have done with themselves, right? I should learn something from them.
5. Whenever you study, study forever. I mean, study it all in such a way that you could think about remembering it forever. If you can't even think of doing it, the first time you've learnt something up, you're just not up there actually.
6. Discuss with Dad. He's your best bet to sail through in Anatomy.
7. And finally, do NOT cramp up everything in your evening or day before the exam. Thats how much your preparation should be.
8. Do your bones everyday. One bone everyday.
9. Do your reactions every day. Biochem would have been much better if you'd finished your cycles before and given more time to the theory, a week before the exams.
10. Be regular. Even if you have to sit up till 12 am every day, just to finish the work of the day. Don't leave anything for the weekend which comes up next.
11. Weekends are to enjoy. To revise whatever you've done in the week, an old chapter or two. And then ENJOY. You're given a break. Use it the way it should be.
12. And lastly, stick to all that you've just written, my dear girl. It'll help to sail through the exams.
They look pretty ideal rules, but I have to follow them. There's no other way for me. I don't want the embarrassment of having to repeat a term. So I'm gonna start from today itself.
Looking forward to enjoying my break. Thank God, the exams are over. I almost know my result, so it couldn't come as a shock to me in any way. Looking forward to some easy relaxed times!!!

Exam Time - 1

Anatomy was bad. I won't spend much time describing my feelings when I saw the paper. The gist of it all is simply that yesterday, I realised what people mean when they say that medical is vast, and that anatomy is never easy. I can't believe that I studied as much as I did for a paper which turned out to be a disaster really. I might just pass, but failing looks like a more dependable option here.
Physiology was good. It was as different as as it could be from the Anatomy paper, and I felt so COOL looking at the paper and realising that I could actually choose which answers to write and which not, because almost all of them! I am definitely passing in this one. The only way I can fail in here, is if they're way to strict about the checking.
Biochem up next. I'm studying for it, hope things will work out well. Good Nite!!

The New Year

I am terrified of the idea of writing my paper tomorrow. And when I say terrified, I mean it. I am going through the usual, pre-exam ritual of forgetting things, that I had learnt so well about a day back, so you see it geta a little tough. Still, I might manage somehow in Anatomy. Physiology is nowhere within my reach at the moment, and half a day is just not enough any way.
So obviously, my New Year's resolution is to study more, and more regularly. So that by the time I finish with my first year, things won't be in the state they are right now. How glad will I be when Jan 9th gets over!!
Its the first time I haven't stayed up till 12 to welcome the New Year. But I guess, things do change with time. And 2008 wasn't all that great. I got into BJ Medical ( something way beyond my dreams) , yeah. But the life after that hasn't exactly been a smooth sailing. So this was a mixed year. Regrets? Not many. I wasn't able to write my usual favorite year-end in my diary yesterday. That has been a hard one to swallow. It just won't be the same when I write it on the 9th.
Well, gotta get back to pushing things into my head now. Just really nervous. I want at least 30 so have to make that happen. I am gonna be happiest creature on earth when I finish with the terms.....And even happier ( and that is possible) if I pass all my subjects! I promise to study more and regularly, God! Just let me off this time and pass me in all three,PLZ!!!!