Immortality

There aren't a lot times I feel like throwing out my modest and humble nature. As much as I try, I just end up telling myself that it isn't worth it to behave the in the perceived 'Maryite' manner (read: arrogant, snobbish, absolutely in the air, having an attitude, considering other people as dirt and not worth talking to). There are many more things I need to add to this list to complete it, but that would be another time.
Point is, I am a product of the school and I do have all of those 'qualities' (actually, I shouldn't even put this word is inverted commas, because I truly think that in the right kind of a person, these qualities are 100% what the word wants to portray). Somehow, I never seem to bring them out the extent that I have people cursing me for it.
But, today, I want to. I want to jump in the air and tell people that I am SO BLOODY GREAT!! I want the whole world to know that I have done great things and am going to do great things. I want people to walk up to me and ask for my autograph (or the medical equivalent of such a scene :-)). I want people to turn around and look at me twice and say, "Look, that's her!" Basically, I have reached immortality and I want to flaunt it. I want the whole college to know that my name has finally appeared on the Roll of Honour Board. BECAUSE IT HAS!! And it shall remain there, a proof of my achievement for generations to come :-)

Man, I feel like Gagan Narang right now. I don't have my name up there for three consecutive years or anything. But, I have it up there for that one year. That's enough to make me treasure it for a life time. An Olympic Medal is a medal- gold, silver, bronze...ultimately that podium finish is what every sportman dreams of. Congrats to Narang, by the way. He has actually made me believe that this hyped up Indian Contingent had some real people capable of delivering when it mattered.
Seeing my name on that board has ignited a flame inside me that wants it up there another time. I am going to work very hard to make that happen. Oh, and what made that moment extra special was that, I saw it on my  parents' wedding anniversary. The news and the photo made a very special gift for them. We have had 6 people from our family graduating from BJ Medical College. I'm the 7th and the 1st to have made it to that Roll of Honour. This is a matter of pride :-)

 Let's hope I deserve another try at this honour again :-))

p.s. I topped BJ in my 2nd year University Exams. That is what this post is related to. To read about it, refer to "From the Topper's Desk", dated February 25th, 2011.

Subconscious Priorities

When you start dreaming about your college life, it helps you put things into perspective. On the surface, there are a million things to think of; a million things to do and a million things trying to get your attention at the same time. Dreams really just line them all up, starting from the most important to the least important.

Over the past few days, I’ve been dreaming. The important point to note is that, I’ve dreamt about stuff that I have never acknowledged as stuff that has troubled me or made me uneasy when I thought of it. However, I guess I was wrong. It has affected me more than I thought it did, or should I say, more than I wanted it to.

Let’s start with the first.

A dark background all around me…I’m assuming it is night. I’m outside an unknown cabin - a wooden one like in those Cowboy movies. I’m sure I’m alone yet there are a few people with me. I have my cell phone with me, but I don’t feel like calling anybody as of now. Out of nowhere, there come a group of people – no wait, there appear to be two groups of people. I seem to recongise some faces…hell, yeah! These are my Medicine and Surgery Residents. What are they doing here?? They see me. They are shocked to say the least. The very next second, they’re holding my arms. The Medicine group gets to me first. I know I am being kidnapped but can’t really do anything about it.

The Residents start bombarding me with questions -Medicine-related questions. I can answer a few, and at the one question I can’t answer, I’m being dragged off with that group. When this happens, the other group jumps up to my rescue. Not rescue exactly, because, the moment there is a question I can't answer from their list, I'm just dragged off there! And then, I get a phone call. Again, from a surgery resident. He seems to want to tell me something, but just keeps beating about the bush. I'm scared. I can't tell him where I am. I keep wondering whether he is involved in this very operation or not. Ultimately, he doesn't end up doing much to help me. 
I did not get up with a jerk or anything. I got up with an uneasy mind and a tough day to look forward to. I know I haven't been on top of my timetable. But, such dreams are definitely going to push me onto Insomnia big time!
Moving on to the second:
Let me first give a brief background to this one. I've had two such dreams. They are both related to the ICMR project I was intent on doing a few months back. At this moment, in April, I know for a fact that I will not be able to do everything possible, and giving my time to the ICMR project is just going to spoil my chances of doing well in Final year.
The first dream basically had my to-be Guide shouting his head off at me, when I go to tell him that I don't want to do the project. This was obviously related to an incident from day before, when he told our batch off for making too much noise in an evening clinic. It was the first time I had seen him lose his head, and I think, I was a little traumatised by that experience. Hence, the dream. I just stand helpless, waiting for the dream to end, by the way.
The second dream came yesterday. After cajoling myself to at least take a look at the list of selected projects, I found that my project had been selected. So now, my dream had me walking about in college, trying to make up my mind whether to meet my Guide now or not. Out of nowhere, lots of people start coming and wishing me congratulations for having been selected. It appears on Facebook and I seem to be caught in this big trap. I want to say no, but I can't seem to say it. And nobody even wants to listen to what I have to say. Scary.
These two dreams bring me to the main worry I have. Do I want to do the project? I have a stack of points for not doing the project:
1. There is way too much to study in Final year. I know I'm not that strong. So whatever time I get to waste, I want to be able to waste it and not spend in more work.
2. My aim in doing the project was to improve my CV when it came to applying to universities abroad. I am now leaning more towards doing my PG in India, in which case it won't really matter. Also, it isn't necessary to have a project under your belt. I have my academic record and lots of certificates to which I shall add many more in the coming few months.
3. My Ethics certificate hasn't come, in which case, I shall have to wait till June. That is when my Terminals would begin. Not a great time.
4. I'm just not in the mood any more to run around looking for patients.


For doing the project, there are a few points too:
1. It has been selected. That means it is good enough and there are going to be some results which would really help the future of Medicine.
2. It will add to my CV any way, whether I like it or not.
3. I won't get another chance.


Add on, the fear of facing my to-be guide, yeah, I'm pretty screwed. I just hope he takes it nicely and helps me put my mind at ease. 


I'm doing the Inter-Disciplinary Seminar this time. The topic is 'Hospital-Acquired Infections' and I shall be dealing with the Surgery aspect of it. The reason I am so proud of this is that, I was chosen on the basis of my performance at the University Examination. Initially, there was going to be an elimination round. The Academic Committee, finally decided to just go with the Univ marks.
I'd had a conversation with a friend about our marks after the results came out. He said, it didn't really matter because nobody was going to bother about these marks later. I, on the other hand, was a big supporter of the rank system and was delighted about what all I had achieved. The selection of participants for this time's IDS, simply added weight to my argument. I feel that whatever I get, on the basis of my marks at Univ exams, I thoroughly deserve. That's 'cause I work my ass off for these exams. Thus, I am extremely proud of my selection. I wanted Surgery and I got it too. So I am pretty happy right now.
Our Medicine term-end comes up on Friday the 13th. I hope to do well there. It is going to be a busy week up ahead. Let's hope it shall start well and end well.  

One year- Part II

One year back, we officially took admission into BJ Medical college and became students of the same, thus fulfilling the dreams that most of us have had for many years. For me, as I have often repeated even in my blog, it was a dream come true of the wildest kind, because I had never expected to get this college, in spite of studying as hard as I had. So, I'm just glad, happy and mostly feel very lucky and indebted to God for the opportunity that He gave me by admitting me into this college.
This year, the list of colleges allotted to students through the CET has been declared again. And there are many students who's dream have been fulfilled. Having experienced that myself last year, I just want to thank God for doing that for these students too. And, as a senior ( I hope, since the results are not out yet..anything can happen...and its me, we're talking about here), I would only want to hope for the best for the batch of to-be Doctors who enter BJ on 1st August.