Phillip Hughes : Too Soon?

When a person dies before the ripe old age of 60 years, it's called an early, untimely death. It doesn't matter what the cause may be - myocardial infarction, stroke, accident, cancer, or murder. An untimely death is always associated with "he didn't deserve it", "he was so young", "how could this happen?", "miss you forever", "in our hearts forever" and so many of these phrases.

That is exactly what is happening today since the breaking news that Australian Cricketer Phillip Hughes could not survive the injury he received from a bouncer. For a better part of today, I've been confused. First there was a "No!! NO!!" moment, followed by a "but it's simply not true" moment followed by a big lecture to God for ignoring my prayers since Tuesday (yes, I am arrogant enough to believe that God does what I ask him to). Then, after all that, came this confusion. Confusion because I still can't digest the fact that I will never see his name in the national team batting line-up; confusion because I almost expect him to walk out on the Gabba pitch next week; confusion because he's just 25; confusion because I don't consider cricket a fatal game - you may lose an eye, but a life?; confusion because I have watched this player bat since his international debut and I find it hard to believe that I will not be able to see how his career shapes up; confusion because the completeness of death makes me wonder whether all these "you're forever in our hearts" phrases are just empty or face-saving or soul-saving.

I feel that saying all this is our way of saying, "I'm guilty I never thought more about you during your lifetime. Trust me, now that you're gone, I'm so going to do it." I shall be the first to admit that I never thought about Hughes unless and until he actually played in the international team. I am a fan, but I shall not follow the careers of players day in and day out. So hearing the news of his injury made me feel guilty. Maybe if I had paid more attention, this wouldn't have happened. Crazy thought, but something to think about. Then, when he was battling for his life yesterday, I prayed that he survive. Because that was the least I could do. Amongst, the absolute dread of a news like today, I felt guilty for sending up a prayer only when it was the only thing that could save him. I felt guilty for not appreciating this wonderful cricketer as much as I should have before. That got me thinking, is this what is actually the message in peoples' "RIP" thoughts that plaster all the social networks? When a life is cut short, do we feel guilty because we thought we had all the time in the world to appreciate and thank that life? After all, I probably would've said stuff like," You're an amazing cricketer, a fantastic batsman and have been a great part of the team that I love, hope the new path you choose be as successful as the one you're leaving", when he retired. But, who knew, it would never reach that stage.

I've always been a little sensitive about the issue of death. I simply cannot understand why it has to happen. So when somebody so young (just 2 years older than me!) dies, I question nature and it's ways. He did not even get to say good-bye. And, that right there, would hurt his near ones more. He left in the morning to play the game he loves, was probably delighted when he reached his 50 and thought he could even reach the 100. And then out of nowhere, this bouncer decides to trick him. Next thing you know, he's down and gone, and all he must've realised is that he got hit. That's it. No life flashing in his eyes, no last words, just nothing at all. You almost wish he'd regained consciousness to at least let him know that he would be missed, loved, prayed for and thanked for being who he was.

Let's thank him and his talent for those 3 amazing international test centuries to his name, for being a part of the national team, for being such an amazing talent, for his contributions to his state and club, for being the person he was to his family, friends and team mates, for giving fans like me something to cheer about. I wish you hadn't gone away. I wish you were going to play next week. I wish I could watch you open the innings for eternity. I wish the only reason I never got to see you bat again, was because you weren't selected into the final 11. Now, that option seems so much easier to deal with than what we've been given.

Our only solace is that the last thing you ever did was play the game you love and score that 63. That number will never ever be the same again.

  That's how you'll always be....a great life, a great career :-)

An Achiever's Strength

I'd love my readers to go through this article.

It reminded me of those two years - 11th and 12th grade. My seniors and their teachers had told me that these are your make-or-break years. You can either conjure up a formula to look at yourself with pride for the rest of your life, or you can make yet another burnt cake and regret it for the rest of life.
Unlike the author of that article, I do not come from a small city. Neither am I cash-strapped in any way. My parents were ready to do whatever it took, pay whatever was required, if it meant that I was going to succeed. Getting into a good college (mainly a Medical School, but Engg wasn't shown a closed door) was a priority, not for the economic security, but for the sense of pride and achievement that came along with it. I wanted to prove that we, Maryite's weren't just snobs without brains who shined in Std 10 and lost all steam in Std 12.
I shall be claiming falsely, if I say that I remember each and every moment of those 2 years. In fact, I have blocked out most of it. But, what I do remember is that, in those two years, I never lost focus and I tried the best I could to get through that CET.
I had a good foundation initially. Scoring a 96% in Std 10 and coming second in the city did a lot to improve my self-esteem. The hurdle was to keep going, not let this achievement get to me...to ensure that this was the first step and that I had to take many more. We decided that I would join a school, instead of a junior college. There would be less distraction, more discipline and less time to waste. My choice was Laxmanrao Apte Prashala. It was a complete contrast from my previous experience of St. Mary's School. In school, I was exposed to a Convent culture...a different method of thinking and doing things...looking at myself as an individual capable to doing things and having a certain amount of attitude about myself. In Junior college, the culture was the exact opposite. The students were very different...their mentality was even upto my level...they could do any amount of backstabbing to get ahead...the teachers preferred to support such things...they gave me s*** load of trouble including stuff like, not giving me books I'd paid for. It was a culture shock to say the least.
That worked to my advantage. I did not have to waste time making friends and carrying out my friendship duties. I did not have the distraction of hot guys walking around. There was just one goal- study. When I topped my 11th grade, I knew I had taken the right steps. This was just the beginning, however. My ultimate goal was to ensure I got into a reputed college (Med or Engg, it didn't really matter).
Std. 12 is an important year for every Indian Student. The system here is such that this year categorises you into a 'topper' or a 'duffer'. Now, of course, we have entrance exams that can be sat for multiple times. But, repeaters are never looked at in the same way as freshers. My 12th Std sucked. College-wise.
Suddenly, the so-called ok college of Std 11 became a nightmare with all the bitching, back-biting, low mentality of students and teachers alike, coming to the forefront. It was a s***hole. And that is exact word.
I think all this really gave me a chance to study on my own. My timetable is those days was so packed, I wonder when I even managed to sleep!! I had three classes and college. Every day. I don't know how I managed it. All I remember is watching the India Tour of Australia 2008-09 around that time. That was my solace. Cricket. It helped me forget everything :-)
My crash course was jam-packed. I had joined two crash courses with a Sunday Test Series at a third place. At times, my entire Sunday went in taking tests at each of these places. A few Sundays were devoted to the Entrance Examinations themselves. My mom says I used to sleep for around 4 hours. I had a class at 5:30am in the morning. From there, it was a long day, every single day of the week....
I'll say this frankly, I never thought about the result of my hard work. In fact, I didn't even think I was working hard enough. Today, looking back I know I worked my ass off. In fact, my Second Year PL hard work is nothing compared to what I did in that entire year. So, I deservedly got my reward. The CET paper almost magically decided to put forth tough Physics questions. I drew a lot of advantage from that. 'Coz the people who were actually good at Physics took more time than usual to solve their papers, and weren't even sure of their answers. I, on the other hand, knew my limits. I just skipped questions I didn't understand. I managed to read my paper twice, something that better-prepared people couldn't manage. Ultimately, I scored. Enough to get me into B.J. Medical College and follow my parents' footsteps.
An achiever's strength is that, whenever he or she looks back, there is always something to fall onto. That something is the evidence of determined, un-distracted, unwavering hard work. You don't just get lucky and succeed. For luck to smile on you, you need to show that you're worth it. You need to work hard enough to get that amount of luck. I know that if I hadn't solved those 20-30 physics sums daily, that paper would never have turned out to be tough for everyone. I'd still have managed my 37 marks out of 50, but everyone else would've got above 40. When I showed that I could put in the hard work to improve my physics, I got some help from the Powers That Be.
Today, 4 years down the line, when I look back, I don't regret anything. I can smile peacefully to myself. Those years are the golden years. They prepared me for what I want to achieve now. The feelings I went through on 14th June, 2008 are undescribable. But, now, at times when I get frustrated and want to just stop all that I'm doing, a walk down the memory lane to that day, pulls me up again. I know I have it me. I have proved things before. I can very well prove them now. That is an achiever. An achiever, who has been the product of those 2 years of determined, focussed and well-supported hard work :-)

Love

Have I ever talked about love before? Over the past decade or so, I've made up lots of definitions of 'love'. They were related to different things - food, book, colour, boys, sports, style, song, chords, etc, etc. The one thing that was common in all of them was constancy - the constancy of my feelings for all those things. So I have come to the conclusion that love is what is enduring and unchanging. Feelings that change over time are not "love". Yes, Jill, wonderful discovery!! You've really got out some new information! The path of the whole world is about to change!! (I hope that sounds sarcastic enough:-p)
I'm not going to take names obviously. As a teenager, I had my share of crushes and great loves. Every new crush was supposed to last forever, be that "special someone". It was good while the feeling lasted. Then, one fine day, I would get up in the morning and ask myself what I even saw in that guy!! But, it was during this time that I found I was better at being in love with broader things- like certain food, cricket, tennis, Westlife songs. Yes, I felt that zoom in my stomach every time one of those came into the picture. And it has remained unchanged over a long time.
Day before my Dad and I went for the IPL match between Pune Warriors and Mumbai Indians. Before I start gushing about the whole experience, let me give you a background about my mental state.
I AM CRAZY ABOUT CRICKET! I am obsessed with it. The obsession started in 2003 and has continued till date. I used to just list cricket as my favourite game before that year. I can watch any game of cricket involving any team. I obviously prefer my faourite teams, but I'd still watch a match just for the love of the game. Before I entered Medical school, I knew the names and faces of all the international cricketers, their coaches, the Physios and the Umpires. Since, entering Medical school, I can't boast upto that extent, but hey, I'm pretty much a walking encyclopedia about the current players. I love reading autobiographies of cricketers. My ultimate dream is to go on a cricket-nations tour and visit all the cricket grounds in those countries, reliving my favourite matches in each of those stadiums. As every other fan, I would do anything to talk to my favourite cricketers.

The Subrata Roy Sahara Stadium

Go ahead, call me stupid. But, the game is my release. This and Harry Potter are two things that get my mind off everything else on earth. Oh yes, also a Rafa match. But, I'm drifting away. I love cricket and I love me for loving it.
So, we went to Gahunje, and my first reaction on seeing that field was, "OH MY GOD!! WOOOOOWWWW!!" A circular field, velvety green, surrounded by the stands with no pillars, the grass all fresh and inviting, it was beautiful!! I think the Wanderers or MCG or SCG will obviously be more inviting because of the history attached to them. But the Subrato Roy Stadium was simply stunning!!
The match was good too :-) After all, Pune did bowl well. It was disappointing to see us lose by that one run. But, hey, that's cricket :-) I was excited that I finally got to saw Michael Clarke (especially the dancing Michael Clarke) and Steve Smith for real. I think that really made my day. I realised that my passion for the game and its players and its teams is for real. When I was sitting there, my mind was off everything else. I heard news that would have, at another time, gotten me pissed. There, it made no difference. It felt so refreshing to be in that state of mind.

Dad and Me Cheering Our Team On :-))

Over the past few months, I've been wondering why I seem to drift away from things and not feel passionate or in love about anything. The game made me realise that my thoughts aren't right. I do have the passion. If I'm not feeling passionate about something, I'm just not into it. Its time to throw all that stuff away. As usual, it has been cricket to my rescue again :-)
Come on, man Pune, get back to your winning ways!!
Our Inter-disciplinary Seminar on Hospital-Acquired Infections was held today. It was a success in every way :-) We all spoke well, and since the topic and the way we handled it ( we went infection-wise rather than subject-wise) were different from the usual line, the crowd was kept interested. Over all, it was a great experience. I loved being on stage (as usual :-)). I was very disappointed with some of the teachers sitting right in front and yawning right through our presentations. As teachers, they are not expected to do that. We, students, spend a lot of time and energy creating these presentations and running behind these very teachers asking for their help. In return, we get a lot of attitude and high-handedness. The least they could do, is on the day of the real thing, be mentally and physically present and supportive.
It has been a tiring week. I don't feel all that great about it. But, I have my awesome presentation to look at and World Laughter Day (6th May) coming up, to brighten my mood a little. Come on girl, lets stand straight and face the next week with your head held high!!