The Expected and The Unexpected

Our Third Minor results were declared on 22nd February (Wednesday). I have come 2nd this time- an aggregate of 292/400 (73%). I also managed a Distinction in Ophthalmology :-)
I was so freaked out when I heard that the results were out online. I have never been the kind of a person to get freaked out by results, you know. I actually pride myself on my control and temperament at such a time. This time, however, things were different. For one, last year's accomplishment kept replaying itself in my head. I really don't care much about what people say or think, but after last year's score and the shock everyone got, I know I was probably the first person who's marks would be checked by one and all- "Lets see how much last year's topper scored!" I did not want to be a one-time lucky shot kinda thing. I have that talent and determination in me, and getting a good score this year would only serve to emphasise this very fact.
I know, for a fact, that I did not study as much as I should have this time. I definitely did NOT study as much as I had in my IInd year. I got involved in things other than pure academics, the Ophthalmology and Paediatrics Quiz came up, I wasn't in the right state of mind for a major part of my PLs...and there I was, telling myself I was well-prepared, when I knew I wasn't. It was too much to ask for a top rank. All I prayed for, was a score that would keep my integrity and my mindset intact.
Going back to the time I heard results were out, I couldn't get myself to go online. Instead, I did what I have never in my wildest dreams, thought I would do. I called up a school friend and told her to talk about everything other than results. Sweet that she is, she agreed and the next half hour was spent in chatting about everyday happenings in our parallel lives...It calmed me down. It really did. When I was ready, I went online to check my score.
Funny thing really, I got disappointed when I saw it. I thought I'd managed a 60%. The relief that a 300/400 gives my mind can obviously not be given by a 292/400, as close as it is to that 300. Well, and that 292 underlined the fact that there had to be people ahead of me. Human that I am, I was disappointed. The only aspect of my scorecard that brightened my mood, was that 76/100 in Ophthalmology. Now, I have Distinctions to boast about, in every exam until now :-) (Biochemistry, Pathology, Microbiology, Ophthalmology).
The topper this time has got 76%. There is a 12 mark difference between us. But, I know she deserves every bit of it and well, at least I came 2nd :-)
I hope I can do better than this in my Final Year. It is my last chance and I want to give it all I have. I know that I have it in me to get to that Rank 1 and 2....I can't get there 2 years in a row by fluke, right? I'm delighted that I could make my Mother (an Ophthalmologist) stand tall and say, "My daughter got a Distinction in Ophthalmology" :-) In fact, having also represented BJ in the Ophthalmology quiz, I have done all that is possible with that subject :-) That was my aim when I first fell in love with that subject in January 2011:-)
I'm a pleased person today. I have done well enough and I am pretty proud of that. It is another issue that my family is happier than I am...it is strange, how your loved ones can manage to make you happier than you actually feel :-)) Love you all, guys!! Thank You :-)

Prelims: the Finish-line

Time to celebrate a bit :-)

2.5 weeks, and the ordeal is OVER! In the past two weeks, I've suffered and learnt real meanings of words like "Patience", "Frustration", "Insomnia", "Acidity" and most importantly, the mantra that "good things never always happen to good people", and that at times you never get what you really deserve.
The marks don't count- not when it comes to the satisfaction I've derived from every question I've answered. And at the same time, they really do count. If I end up getting less than I expect, I'm going to feel betrayed and again ascertain that this is one unfair world. If I more than I expect, I'm only going to put it down as my amazing luck. Please note, nowhere do I blame myself for the results. Typical student attitude. We just don't ever want to say, "We just din't study enough." Fact is, it isn't easy to do all the studying, and frankly, I can't bear to even think of how I've spent the last 2.5 weeks. I wish I could predict when I'm going to learn that doing my entire portion the night before the exam, is sheer foolishness! Yet, I can answer a part of that. It is only when I feel confident enough ( that is, after having done my portion at least three times over), that I can entertain such a thought. Currently, all I want to do is, take a few days ( hours out of days actually)off, and just relax. I want to do things that are going to make me want to get back to studying with enthusiasm, not with the resigning attitude that I so feel I am going develop soon.
So, how were my exams? Pretty ok. The papers were good. Except for a disaster that Micro 2 might turn out to be, and a catastrophe that Forensic is going to be ( I will eat a boiled eggplant if that doesn't turn out to be true!), the rest was definitely on the verge of good. My patience and the ability to stay hungry for 5 hours was tested big time during the Pathology practicals. I am not very good at staying hungry. During exams, no way. The tension and the atmosphere of the practical hall make a lethal combination. The moment my stomach gets a little empty, the brain starts to talk about putting in some HCl in there, and I suffer from vague symptoms of hypoglycemia and acidity. Patho was the height of it all. I was the 2nd last person to go for the viva, and finished at 5:30 pm. And I had had lunch at 11:45am.
Forensic (FMT) was another tester. This time, completely testing our ability to patiently wait....wait....wait...wait...wait...wait......and wait. I was there for the practical from 10 am in the morning to 5 pm in the evening. Had that 2nd viva not turned out to be awesome, I would've been ready to send a body in there for a post-mortem!!( kidding....I woud've just chucked the thoughts of FMT aside any way!!)
What have I learnt from my prelims? Firstly, I totally understand why a senior of mine, gave a post-exam party after her prelims had gotten over last year. The feeling CANNOT be described! You fly in the air, as high as you can go, feel the breeze blast past you and yet not hurt a single cell....suddenly swoop down and catch hold of all those small and special things you wanted to do for so long......and have a great night's sleep without worrying about those alarms that have been dissolving dreams within seconds, for the past 2 weeks.
And, I learnt that doing things on instinct does work to your advantage, making your paper go much better than it might have gone otherwise. I also learnt that everything has to end finally, so it is obviously going to a much better finish-line, if you stop losing your head and health over small things. :-)            

Competitiveness

The urge to compete, the urge to win, the urge to somehow get ahead in a never-ending race of examinations.....
And I have suddenly got it!! I swear, I was never into the business of wanting to get more marks than somebody else, of wanting to study more, of wanting to KNOW that I am the better. I have been laid-back in life, in studying actually.
I have this crazy, maddening feeling that I need to perform better than some others. In fact, I now believe that I can do it. I know it might be tough and can definitely take a toll on me, but I simply want to do it all. I don't know exactly how this has got into me. But, I can say that the feeling has been building up. It started with my Gynaec term and the great reviews I got there, was carried on by my Pyschiatry Term-end, in which I ended up with the highest marks in the batch (37/50). Anaesthesia added another boost by coming up with a 20/25 in the MCQ test. Then, there have been the results of the current terminal examination. I have got the highest marks in the theory examination of Microbiology (38/50), and I think I did pretty well in Pathology (theory) also to get 39.5/50. I wish I had got better teachers to take the viva. I would have done much better than 26.5 and 23 respectively.
My point is that, I finally think I'm going in the right direction and that things are working well for me (touchwood). It is just like the form of a sportsperson. At times, you are at your best and all the hard work just helps you do much than you normally would have. Other times, you can do the best your body can manage, but you still don't reach the peaks that you have set yourself. Right now, I feel confident, I feel I am capable of doing things I want to do, I feel comfortable with all the marks, and I don't feel the pressure to perform. I want to perform and I  know I will. I just am so excited to start (and Parasitology only makes things even spicier!!).
So, with all the focus coming in, I love and enjoy Medicine even more. What more can a student want?

II/II Over!!

So exams are finally over. I sit here, pondering upon the last two weeks and thinking, I’ve done it!! Now, I only have to worry about studying after about two days. The past week and four days have been enlightening. Firstly, I know for sure that doing Pharmac just the one time, isn’t enough. My paper was no way better than last time, when  I hadn’t even completed my portion properly. And, today, the practical also sent across the same message. It isn’t just enough to have a chapter underlined and marked and coloured and full of charts. You need to know those charts by heart. My aim in the coming few months will be the same. We will, of course, have the entire portion now, for the prelims. If it has been tough the last two times, the prelims are going to be complete torture. ‘Coz there will also be two papers of each subject.

I have also learnt in the past week that my study method for Microbiology is pretty much what it should be. My paper was the best out of all my theory papers and the same can be said about the practical. This means I’m sure about a lot of stuff I have said and written. So, I love Microbiology and would love to make it my strong-point in the coming months.

Pathology still remains a kind of mystery. I loved it when we were doing General Pathology. And I hated it when we were doing Systemic Pathology. It is vast, and this time I haven’t read much of Robbin’s (a total change from last time, when most of the portion had been read from that thick little green book). I didn’t end up getting a lot of marks last time although my paper had been the best of all the three we wrote. I want to see whether reading Harsh Mohan makes a difference in the marks we get. I am going to finish reading up Robbin’s by the prelims, but I need to know whether it is going to be for the sake of reading it, or whether it is going to help me in getting the marks that I’m currently after.

PSM (Preventive and Social Medicine) has been labeled the disaster my third year, before the year even starts with the kind of crap it dished out to me in this term. According to the schedule of MUHS, students are tested on PSM in II/II. A 3-hr theory paper (with 3 compulsory 8 mark questions!!) and a 20 mark practical. That theory paper turned out to be the only paper I have EVER given without studying ANYTHING! The standard textbook is Park’s and it one hell of a boring book to read. I didn’t manage to do anything the whole evening before the exam. And then, the morning of the paper I came to know that there are notes available in PSM. I only managed to get the notes 2 hours before the paper, and I also had to have lunch. So, I went for the paper having read NOTHING. It turned out to be a disaster really. I haven’t written such crappy answers in such beautiful handwriting ever before! The practical was no better. The lecturer who took my viva, realized early into it that I did not know one small thing. I don‘t think I’m going to be passing in the subject this time.

FMT was pretty ok. The Department didn’t even know we had a paper! We started ah hour and a half late, because of all the confusion. They distributed éclairs as a penalty for forgetting that they had to conduct an examination J

Basically, I’m finally done with everything. Not everything, actually. My family-planning term-end is left, which will be held on Saturday. But I am free as such. I missed out on enjoying the Wimbledon and the Football World Cup, as much as I would have in another time span. But, luckily, Rafa and the Spanish Football team, have ensured that I have watched it all throughout. Congrats Rafa !! It was such a fulfilling moment to watch you lift that trophy! And I gotta say to Tomas Berdych ( I watched him beat Roger and Novak Djokovic), you are so totally all over the place!! It was great to see you play in the final, and I do want you to keep playing the brand and level of tennis that you are. Your serve…..simply sensational!

And that Football team! Switzerland seems in a different universe. I so want you to win the World Cup now!! You beat Germany! I am so proud of them all!! I hope to witness you guys raising that Cup as high as possible on Sunday :-)

I’ve actually had a great week. Guess, having exams did pay its dividends in some ways:-)    

The Vacation Approaching

The two term-ends did end up happening. I should say that Anaesthesia was much much better than Radiology. Firstly, because we got new questions and I knew quite a lot of them. And secondly, because an MCQ test doesn't end up making the Examiner tired of looking at Students' faces as they come in and go out. We even discussed the answers after the test was over. I got around 20 of them. So that means I am safe and will not get a re-term on the basis of my marks. Getting a re-term on the basis of attendance is another issue.
Radiology was long, tiring and, in the end, very boring. There was just one teacher taking the term-end for 50 students..And I wasn't even from the current batch. So I had to wait even longer to get it done with. Finally, when my turn came, the only question asked to me was "What abnormality do you see in the X-Ray in front of you?" I replied, "Cardiomegaly" "How do you assess cardiomegaly?" "By measuring the Cardio-Thorasic ratio (CTR)." She then explained how to measure the ratio. We then talked about Echocardiography and that's that. She gave me 25. That hurt a bit. I wish I could have gotten a chance to tell her more about what all I knew. I definitely deserved more than 25. But the fact is that I finished off with both my term-ends. The headache and continued nagging inside of me has been trampled upon, even if that means that the numbers aren't very heavy. 
We now have Ohpthalmology. Three of us went to the OT today, but it is shut for some maintenance till Wednesday. I really wanted to go have a look today. Very disappointing not to be able to do it. I don't think I am going to have any enthusiasm left till Wednesday, so I'm going to turn my attention to what I had planned to do in the pre-vacation. I have to finish big chunks of my Pathology and Pharmacology portion till Sunday. I am trying my level best to get that done.

OVER!!!

And so they are. No more formalities left, and no more last minute prayers. My exams have officially ended and I am taking the deepest sigh of relief I can manage.

Practicals turned out to be ok. When I look at each of them separately, of course, I can easily point out the best and the worst. Because, I did have them. So, since I do have time right now, I'd like to reveal my best and worst. Here goes,

12th January, 2010:

FMT- We went and waited for almost an hour and half before something actually happened. And that something was quite an event. One of the peons told us that we'd been called in groups of 10. I got up ( I am amongst the first ten in our batch from r.nos. 145-174). Making a quiet and steady line, we went to the cold room where they conduct all the post-mortems. God! The only thoughts wandering in my otherwise empty mind, were," Crap, please don't tell me you are going to take the Viva here!!! Surrounded by dead decaying partially open bodies!!! I'll faint before you manage to finish your first question!"

The HOD was there, with a fresh body beside him. A 'mama' (that's what we call the ward boys in coll) was standing next to him, fully loaded with knives and scalpels, already having finished half the job of removing the viscera. This was the body, our HOD told us, of a criminal, killed on the previous evening. He had received three bullets, and the bullets were being looked for, in the viscera.

Frankly, this is what I'd expected to find when I came into medicine. A dead body, as fresh as live.....raw, red blood oozing out on every cut.....the viscera all shiny red with sickening yellow mucous attached at places....the bones looking all glistening yellow.....

One entire year and I finally saw what I was looking for. It was quite a sight! The criminal definitely looked like a criminal. I could imagine him, and the scene around him, when he was alive. He looked frightful even in that state!!

The HOD showed us one bullet which they had managed to find, and the organs it had managed to pierce. The liver looked bright red, and very innocent!! (the second batch that went in, came out telling us that the second bullet was found in the liver. It didn't remain innocent any more!)

The only thing that grossed me out more than the dead body, was the smell. We're used to formalin now (although it never fails to bring tears into my eyes:-( ). But, the smell here was the one associated with the slaughter-house, the cutting up of raw meat....the smell of dead rats...the usual smell we all run away from.

Thankfully I did not faint, and came out pretty impressed. The viva took place after that and I had a good time. I had our HOD questioning me and I answered everything. It was a satisfactory viva, and I think he understood that I knew my subject. He looked particularly excited when I mentioned 'Panchanama' and descrobed what a warrant was. Day 1 was successful amd satisfactory.

13th January, 2010:

Pharmacology- The first thing to mention here is that I fell ill. Again. I got another round of cold and cough, and fever in the evening. I think it is Pharmac. Even before the theory paper, I was in a state. But, this time was worse. I decided that it did not matter, how the practical went.

The spots were a little tough. But, I think I got the drugs right in the table-work. I'd expected to totally be lost when that came along. So, I was more than just satisfied. The pharmacy viva was good and simple. My label turned out to all correct, and I answered all the questions correctly. There was a lot of participation from Dr. Momin (my examiner), with his gestures of agreement. So, I'm assuming that to be a good sign. The grand viva was plain horrible. I was reminded of what Anatomy used to be last year. The difference was that this was worse, because instead of a PG student, I had in front of me, a Professor, who got the impression that I was at the other end of the intelligence scale. It hurt. Illness not withstanding, I did not deserve such a bad viva. But, it was over, and thats all I cared about.

14th January, 2010:

Microbiology- The one started with tough spots. They were pretty out of the world. But, I realised later on that I had got the Spore Stain correct, and I couldn't feel more proud of myself. if I could get that, I could definitely get above 5 in the spots. The Viva on culture media and biochemical tests could have been better. I knew the stuff she was asking, but I needed her to prompt a bit. But, the 'her' in question was Dr. Suvarna Joshi ma'am, who was smiling all through. Its always nice to have a teacher in front of you, who can put you completely at ease, and calm you down. And Dr. Joshi's smile does exactly that. So, despite knowing that I did not do as well I could have done, I came back saying that it had gone pretty ok. The Gram stain and Zeihl-Neelson stain were a little messy. A lot of pink and purple on the fingers. Also, it is difficult to look for bacilli in the ZN stain. Luckily, I showed that slide to Manoj sir, and he said wat I thought was the bacillus, was actually a bacillus! Wow, that's new! I'd neevr gotten the hang of ZN staining. The Gram stain was easy, and I got Gram +ve rods, which the teacher said, were correct.

Dr. Dohe ma'am took my grand viva. It revolved around the two stains only. She only asked me about differences between Bacillus and Clostridia, because they were the differential diagnosis of my result in the Gram stain. I liked the viva a lot. I answered almost everything. There was some question, to which my answer was,"I don't know", but I don't even remember what it was. She asked me if I was a localite, where I stayed and said I could go! I felt happy and at ease.

15th January, 2010 (today):

Pathology- If there ever were an average practical, this would be it. The spots were good, the slides were easy. The first viva (on the two slides I had to identify) was ok. I could answer some, could answer a question on Typhoid. The slides in question were, that of Acute Ulcerative Appendicitis and Tuberculoid Leprosy.

The grand viva was ok. She didn't ask me much, I answered a fair amount. Nothing that led to "I have no idea ma'am", but nothing that had me jumping up and down with the answer. So, thats what it was.......quiet.

Note: Pathology might have gone better if I hadn't ended up with my worst stage of laryngitis today. Now, I have even given exams in this dreadful voice!!

So, thats the description. Its pretty easy to decide the order of practicals according to my performance. So, here goes.....

1. FMT

2. Micro

3. Patho

4. Pharmac

Thats my order of liking. And my marks should be accordingly. I'll come to know within in a few days...

Till then, it is going to be two days of complete rest and silence. I can't even bear to hear my voice. And I desperately need to eat, sleep and live like a loser who has nothing to do in life :-)

Ok, now eyes are tired and the HCl in the stomach is screaming out aloud for food to acidify. Hail, 2010 again!!! May the start be a good one!!

Year 2010.....Begins...

Happy New Year to one and all!!! We’re half way through our terminals, and I have already suffered through the horrors of having to stay up late into the night. It is my fault. I HAVE to do everything one day before the exam. To my luck, we had papers in the afternoon. So, I was able to do whatever I wanted to.

The papers have been good. Pathology was the best followed by Microbiology and then Pharmacology. I would partly blame my cough, cold and fever for the debacle that Pharmac was, but then, it would also be because I was never as well-prepared for Pharmac as I was for the other two. Forensic Medicine and Toxicology was good by its own standards. I’d spent more than half of the time I had for preparation, sleeping. So, considering all that I’d managed to study in the rest of the preparation, I had a decent paper. I wrote everything I knew, pushing it into one answer or the other. Over all, I had a much better terminal than the one last year. Of course, practicals are still left. They start on the 12^th and finish on the 15^th. But, I should say I’m quite satisfied with whatever I’ve written. The rest of my satisfaction can only be determined by the marks I manage to procure.

I’ve spent the past two days resting a bit. Not that the cold has reduced a lot, but at least I’m feeling much better than I was two days back. Now, just waiting for my practicals to get over so that I can breathe a breath of relief.

The New Year again this year, wasn’t very great. I was studying. And I haven’t made a lot of resolutions this year. I’d just like to be a little more regular than I have been in the first term. That’s all.

I definitely hope that 2010 brings, in terms of peace and brotherhood, a surge of hope for all of us. It hasn’t started all that well. What with the lastest news about a policeman being beaten to death by some criminals in front of the stopped cars of two Ministers. And, the Ruchika Girhotra case which evokes the dormant barbaric anger from the deepest corners of our hearts. 19 years on, and the sheer position of the accused is enough to help him get free with just a fine!! We talk about our country moving ahead, as new years come. But the examples we see seem to pointing in a completely different direction.