Showing posts with label Doctor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Doctor. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Where Did I Match?

UNITY HOSPITAL, ROCHESTER NEW YORK IT IS!!

And the suspense ends. Rather, it ended about 5 days back. I'll be flying into a beautiful city with some really friendly citizens and I shall look forward to about 6 months of 3 feet of snow :-)

Now that I have had 5 days to breath through and make myself believe that this is actually happening, I'm delighted. I'm a part of a distinguished and delighted group of to-be interns who matched this year. I am one of the few who can look back at Match Week with a fond smile and pat myself on my back and say," Mission Accomplished". I can look at the past two years and say, "Successful Journey". Whoever said that its the journey that matters and not the destination basically never reached the destination. I can't imagine feeling so at peace and satisfied about this journey if I hadn't matched.

But, back to where I matched. Rochester. have I mentioned that I have a thing for everything British except their cricket team? I love their accent, I love the names that they give places, I love their authors, I love their Royalty but I can't imagine wanting to live in England. Eureka!! I get to go to Rochester! Where every name is British, where the houses are so far apart, I get a good rural English feel, where I can stay in a place called Carriage Glenn and behave like I'm so English Royal myself and still get my dose of the USA :-)

I probably chose the worst month to go to Rochester during my interview season - January. But I had to see how bad the snow can get! They say the city blooms in the summer. Guess it is my turn to find out. I'm already excited, nervous, scared, happy, confident yet not so much....it's a myriad of emotions and feelings. One thing I know for certain, I'm actually glad I did not match into a Prelim position. I know I probably would not have said this 2 months ago when I was so intent on wanting Surgery. But the peace I'm getting by knowing that I am in this wonderful program for 3 years and will get out with an Internal Medicine degree under my belt, makes me sleep well at night and makes me calm. Really really calm :-)

I've actually been going through all my interview conversations with the faculty in my head since Friday. I'm glad i had the chance to tell them everything about myself - academics, personal, professional....everything! I can proudly say that they liked me enough to consider me for their program :-) what a confidence boost!!

I'm doubly excited because I even have a friend who matched at Unity. I mean, how cool is that? On Saturday, I just got this message saying,"So guess we have Unity in common, huh?" and I couldn't stop hoping against hope that it really meant what I thought it did.

And it did :-) ha ha!!! I think these three years are going to change me for the better. I can already see myself become more sure about myself. Being in a place like that, not too much city, not too much village, is going to be so great. And I'm so going to become an outdoorsy person. I promise. I'll only be able to utilise 3-4 months for that, so I'm going to make the best of it. No more lazying around :-)

Whew!! Lots of documentation to do, a family trip to be scheduled, packing to begin, house-hunting to start and an international drivers' licence to be applied for. USA baby, here I come!!





Sunday, March 3, 2013

BLS and ACLS

I thought of writing about the two most important things for me right now, together, but then it didn't really make sense. Let's have two different posts then.
I managed to complete the Basic Life Support and Advanced Cardiac Life Support Courses. I am now a certified provider of both, and man, am I so confident and happy about the two!!
Day one was really good. One of my chief problems has been talking to people. Somehow, the two years higher secondary school and the four years of college taught me everything except communication. I haven't been the kind of a person who makes friends everywhere she goes, and these experiences just added to that trait more than ever. I haven't been doing a lot of out-of-college stuff, so the chance of trying to get out of this trait never came. I was worried about the experience of doing this alone. But, you know what, I'm not that bad after all. I did meet new people and definitely made a new friend :-)
Going back to the actual course- BLS was fantastic. Initially, the task of doing 5 cycles of 30 chest compressions with an interruption of <10secs :-="" :-p="" a="" after="" aha.="" aha="" an="" and="" anything="" arm="" as="" association="" at="" been="" between="" beyond="" bls="" but="" by="" can="" cardiopulmonary="" certified="" course="" day.="" designed="" do="" end="" examination="" got="" had="" has="" heart="" helps.="" hurt="" i="" if="" in="" into="" involves="" is="" it="" learning="" man="" merican="" method="" mode.="" more="" my="" nbsp="" now="" of="" on="" over="" p="" perceived="" period="" plus="" practical="" protocol="" providers="" really="" resuscitation="" s="" see-and-learn="" session="" step-by-step="" stupid="" superb.="" teaching="" technique="" than="" the="" there="" things="" this="" time="" to="" tough.="" under="" was="" we="" well="" were="" which="" wrist="" written="">

ACLS was more taxing. The whole process was beautifully organised. We were shown videos of teams managing cases...step-by-step videos....followed by putting-it-all-together videos, so the idea of an ACLS team was put through to us via visuals than mere didactic sessions. Those videos were a class apart. I have always admired the importance of protocols and organisation given in the Healthcare system in the US. This course provided perfect evidence to my previous heard-from-others respect.

From my point of view, the ACLS was more demanding. I haven't worked in a hospital before, haven't been a part of a team that needs to save a dying patient, haven't ever needed to think fast, act fast, be on my toes all the time, manage a whole team, think of what everyone is doing and ensuring that it done well. That is exactly what this course was about. I was the youngest person there, having just completed my final year of undergrad (and not even a doctor on the first day, our results were declared that evening). I was quite taken aback, when they said that we were going to be tested on our ability to be team leaders and guide a team to perform an ACLS service. Yeah, here I was, fresh out of medical school from India (where they don't teach you anything not-theoretical)....having my own doubts about calling myself a doctor and now, I was supposed to consider myself the most experienced out of the whole team and order them around as if I knew what it was exactly I have to do. I've always had my doubts about my own capabilities, but the second day of our course, those doubts stood out like tall pillars hiding me from what I knew was to be done. The instructors kept saying that when you know the algorithms by heart, there isn't much difference between a doctor and a non-medical person. All you have to do is follow the protocol and the algorithm.
Then came the task of identifying cardiac rhythms. Have I ever mentioned how stupid I am, when it comes to cardiac rhythms? Those ECGs were never taught to our batch (our bad, and only our bad. All my friends in other batches came to final year knowing how to read ECGs). They gave me nightmares during exams (and my final university examination, luck stood by me. I got an Inferior Wall MI to identify, the only rhythm I could identify). So, when they said you have to analyse rhythmns, yes, I threw up inside of me. I'd rather do something else. What added to my stress further was that everyone else already knew the rhythms (thanks to being doctors working for years, or doctors who'd completed their internship.). I was terrified. Let alone having ever seen a defibrillator or a TCP device before, I couldn't even identify rhythms. How was I to know whether to shock the patient or not?
Day two left me a little bruised inside. I was wondering how I'd fare in the examination the next day. I was wondering whether it had been a good decision to do this course now, at the start of my internship. A lot of questions swum around in my head, as I mugged up all those algorithms and tried out all sorts of permutations and combinations of them, thinking of patients weaving out of one rhythm and going into another.
I don't know whether it was the feel of a new day or just the fact that I'd studied hard enough to finally get hold of the idea, but next day (i.e. yesterday) when we practised again, I was understanding things, thinking for myself, looking at myself as a team leader, and gaining confidence as I did it all. It helped that our instructor was very pleasant and very nice about all the doubts I had, explaining every little thing to me. So as luck would have it, my practical went really well. So well that the examiner asked me where I worked :-p Lol!! When I told him that I was yet to start with internship, he gave me this surprised+satisfied look and said, "Very Good then. I thought you were working in some institution." Such a boost. The theory was a little tough, but I managed to get the required percentage. Yay!!
So now I am a certified BLS and ACLS Provider for two years....I have the confidence to know and do exactly what I need to save a dying patient in the casualty....and yes, I feel more like a doctor now than I felt immediately after our results were declared (when I officially became one :-p) 

Friday, June 1, 2012

When A Patient Said...

Outside of all the frustrations involved in being a Medical student in a GMC, what I really like about this profession, is the respect that certain patients give Doctors. Yes, times have changed. Today, Doctors are no longer considered Gods. Thanks to Mr. Amir Khan and his celebrated coverage of this field, we have managed to unearth some of the evils that are present all around us. That does diminish the nobleness of this field.
Having said that though, the smile on a patient's face after having gotten cured, is the greatest gift a doctor can ever get. Any doctor will vouch for this. And any doctor will tell you, that he strives to attain this very prize.
Yesterday, I took the case of an 86-yr old man. He has undergone a Below-Knee amputation, is not very oriented to his surroundings at times, suffers from Diabetes, has lost quite a bit of weight and overall is very weak. Yet, the smile on his face was evident. The happiness he had got after having undergone that surgery to remove his gangrenous foot, was shining on his face immensely.
"If I can have a sip of water from your hand, my life will be blessed."
As I normally do for all patients, I asked him how he was feeling now. Initially he was a little disoriented. he thought I was one of his relatives. When his daughter told him that I was a doctor, he took hold of my hand and thanked me for having gotten rid of his pain. He said, " If  I can have just a sip of water from your hand, my life will be blessed." Imagine this. An 85-yr old bed-ridden man, older than my grandfather, telling me (young enough to be his granddaughter, or even great-granddaughter) that his life would be blessed if I gave him some water! It should've been the other way round.
It is moments like this that make me realise that I want to do this so much. Yes, final year is horrible, the college sucks quite a bit, the profession is demanding, it is a long obstacle-laden journey. But, during this wonderful journey, there are going to be such moments...when somebody says something...somebody does something...it leaves such an impact. I know that those words are going to echo in my life for a long time. Those words were not meant for me. They were meant for the doctors who actually treated him. But, in a way, they were meant for me, as a doctor. Over the past months, I've struggled to find reasons to want to do all this, to want to still be in this field after my Internship get over in 2014. I've struggled to find love among all my subjects, desire to excel in them and the determination to do the hard work required. I've questioned my intentions a lot of times. When I heard those words though, I knew exactly why I liked this field; why I had taken it up.
I may not recommend the field with 100% gusto. But, I do know that there is a reason why I got into it. When I get into that real world (with the Designation of 'Doctor'), I know exactly what I'm going to strive for. It is that smile and that hope that somewhere some patient of mine will be satisfied enough to say the same thing to another Medical student and show him the light to the path that he was looking for :-)

Thursday, May 24, 2012

The First Step : Realisation


I have talked to about 35-40 odd patients in the course of my project. They have all come from various spheres of life. The majority have come from the lower and the middle class. After all, in a tertiary care centre like SGH, this is exactly the kind of patients you get. The experience has been very enriching. I have learnt a lot about the lives of these people.
It is said that Medicine ensures that you remain in contact with your own soul- the soul that understands pain, fear, joy, love, anger, frustration and every other emotion that we have to deal with. The human touch remains. You come to know about the kind of problems that people have to deal with. The Common Man is still common. He still has to face the regular stress and strains of life. The patients who come to Sassoon, have to catch buses early in the morning to get here, have to wait here in line to get their case papers made, have to run around in all directions to go the one place they need to get to. We, doctors, add onto their troubles by not spending enough time with them, acting as if they are not important to us. Aged patients come to get their monthly or weekly medications. Instead of treating them with the respect that is their due, the Residents scream loudly at them because they can’t hear properly. Is it their fault that age has finally got to them? Patients are considered to be our God. We, as doctors, learn from them. We need to behave properly with them. There was a time when patients were given decent care. That has suddenly changed in the past few years. The dearth of doctors at Government institutes and the politics has led to the decline of humanity in this noble field.
Do you know what most of these patients have told me? They have given me their blessings, simply for spending 20 minutes talking to them; for touching them, examining them; for doing small things like measuring their height and weight. They say it feels satisfying that a doctor at least talks to them. Most of the doctors just come, write in their files and go. There is no patient-doctor communication. We are taught about the Doctor-Patient relationship in PSM (we even have a question on it in our examinations). There doesn’t seem to be any relationship in SGH today. I was so surprised the first time I heard a patient say these things to me. When a number of patients told me the same thing thereafter, I realised that there, indeed, is something lacking in today’s students.
In our first clinical posting, we are taught the importance of History-Taking. We are taught the individual importance of the Name of patient, his age, sex, address, occupation, etc. Along with this, we are also told that we need to talk to the patient. Talk, not just about his symptoms, but also about his feelings, his thoughts, his needs…all this to just create a rapport. ‘A patient needs to feel comfortable with his doctor’ is a line repeated a lot of times in that first posting. It is seldom remembered later on. Students become very busy trying to extract the symptoms and signs that they know of, from the patient. He doesn’t remain human anymore. He becomes an object of interest. An object to use when required and throw away when finished.
Today, I met a patient who’s case I had taken about 10 days  back. I had liked her a lot at that time. She was happy, friendly, chatty. It was a delight to examine her. She told me that she had to have an angiography done, for which she would probably be re-admitted. She seemed amused by the fact that her Diabetes had gotten her into the hospital. That was then. Today, she was a whole different person altogether! Her appointment yesterday had been cancelled because none of her relatives had been able to come. She had been told to stay Nil By Mouth today, because the Angiography could take place today. The nurse had told her that if no relative came today, her appointment would have to be cancelled again. She was on the verge of tears, this lady. She wanted to go and get her angiography done all by herself. “What is the need of relatives?”, she asked me exasperatedly. I tried to explain that in case anything happened to her in during the procedure, somebody should be around. “If I die, let them just throw me in a corner! I don’t mind that. I just want to get this done. None of my relatives are coming. I had told them, but nobody has come yet…” and she started crying. It was heart-wrenching. I tried to calm her down by telling her that things would get better….that I’d talk to the people concerned and see what could be done…that she shouldn’t just lose hope. She took my hand and kissed it. That is all that she had needed. She had just needed a little bit of talking. She had needed somebody to just stand there and talk.
I haven’t stopped thinking about the whole case. What are we turning into? We all need a little bit of love and care. It may not be possible to give the best care in SGH. But, it is a hospital for heaven’s sake! The patients here should at least be given the basic care that they all require. It is tough being a Resident, I understand. They have to study, look after patients, keep a tab on the whims and fancies of their guides and manage to get some sleep too. But, I think, as doctors, it should be a part of their case-taking to just spend a few minutes with each patient and ask about their problems. Or just spend a few minutes talking to the patient about random things. That is all.
If there is one thing I have learnt from my experience as a student in Sassoon, it is humanity and consideration for others. I have had a good childhood. I was given everything I asked for. My parents put me into a great school, allowed me to go for parties, took me on holidays and did everything possible to ensure that I have a bright future. Somewhere deep inside, I know they had to take a lot of trouble raising me and my brother. They have managed to rise out of nothing to something. I was always aware of that. Yet, they ensured that I did not have any difficulty in living my life the way I wanted to. But, not all people, in this world, are like me. There are people who grow up in difficult situations and stay in such situations all their lives. There are people for whom a 10 rupee bus ticket is expensive…people who have to fight over water and bathing facilities every morning…people who live on a single meal daily. These people need the same, if not better, treatment than a person like me, if they end up in the hospital. They require that consideration and love that a Doctor is supposed to show. I have learnt to show this consideration. I have learnt that we are supposed to heal the wounds of the patients, and alongside, heal the wounded soul of the patient too. It is our duty to ensure that every patient discharged from under our care, goes home, a better person. It is my duty that when I finish my interaction with a patient, he feels healed mentally. I may not be able to do anything to reduce the pain or other symptoms of the patient. I should, however, be able to make a difference to the mental state of the patient- make him satisfied that he has been examined…assure him that he will get better.
Today, I felt the whole purpose of this field was put in front of me, in the form of those tears. My parents keep talking about patients being thankful to them for saving their lives. I never understood the real meaning of that line. Today, I think I did. I felt the hurt of that patient. I know that if her angiography has been done today, tomorrow, I shall feel the happiness too. I’ll know that she won’t be shedding more tears and will be happier. Isn’t that the ultimate aim of a Doctor? Cure the patient physically, mentally and socially?
Jill, I think you took an important step today…you saw yourself as a doctor who shall look after her patients with proper care. There shall be just a few more steps and you will reach that goal – A Good Doctor :-)

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Reflection


I’m not a social person. I have very strict ideas about the kind of parties I like and the kind I don’t. I have my own circle of close friends whom I regularly meet. We talk a LOT and catch up on each other’s lives. There is no drinking involved, no needless gossip, no dressing up…just some good old friends having a good time, laughing and sharing their desires and thoughts.
I met a couple of my school friends day before yesterday for dinner. They are both doing Engineering. One of them has a dual degree with Economics, and the other has a dual degree with Biology. So, practically speaking, each of us is in our own world professionally. They say, don’t they, the grass is always greener on the other side. However, having conversations with them, has made me wonder whether it is really worth it to do what I am doing.
Frankly speaking, the only reason I decided that Medicine was my field was because I sucked at Physics and Mathematics decided to abandon me during the year I needed it the most. By mid-12th grade, my prophecy from 10th grade (I want to do Chemical Engineering from IIT Powai) had all but eaten dust. My strength was Chemistry and Biology. I decided to do the practical thing, choose the lesser of the two evils. Instead of forcing myself to succeed in two subjects I sucked at (Physics and Maths), I forced myself to manage just Physics and enjoy Chemistry and Biology. I ended up making the right decision, since I got into BJMC in my first attempt itself, in the first round itself. I could not have asked for more.
Today, however, I wonder whether I have done what I had thought I would do as a medical student or not? I wonder whether it really is worth it to put in as much of effort and pressure as we do. Medicine is a tough choice for a profession. You need to have the push and the desire to give. You need to feel that insane urge to serve people. You need to feel that you just have to make your patients ok. I agree that in the past 3.5 years, I have formed an idea of what I will be doing in the future. I do want to give back to people. I want to make this world a better place. I just wonder why it is so difficult to want to do such things.
Final year is supposed to be crazy. It is crazy. It hasn’t treated me very well either. I am not particularly enjoying it. But, even then, I’m not a sulky sort of person. I love myself and life too much to really sulk about it. The fact that I am sulking about this year, means there is something wrong. Maybe I am taking that project too much to heart. But, even then, the rest of the year isn’t all that great.
I am wondering today whether I really want to get out into the world and treat patients. Do I really want to put myself through all the torture that being a doctor brings with itself? This year will get over. Then there shall be the internship, the PG entrance, the residency, the super-specialisation, the start of my private practice. I’m already tired thinking about it. On the other hand, my friends are excited about their internships and have nothing to really worry about. Work from Monday-Friday…weekends off…a good pay…their life is pretty much set.
I’m just a little disillusioned, I guess, by the working of my college and our lives as medical students. I know I am being extreme in my reaction…but life could be so much better for us, even with all the studying. Lectures, teachers, patients…it all sounds so interesting from an onlooker’s point of view. I wish it were really the case…
Any way, I think I’ll get over this feeling soon…it was pretty refreshing to get out of college life and meet up with my friends. It is such a blessing when your friends are from different fields. You can just lock out all your frustrations and sorrows and have a great time with them. You talk about different things, reminisce about old times…you end up bringing back some spice into your life…and that is all I really need J

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Questions

Our HoU has a smart way of training us into doctors. He has allotted each of us undergraduate students a bed in our Ward. We have to go talk to our patients, ask them for their histories, examine them, and follow them up throughout the time that they are admitted. The moment they get discharged, a new patient gets admitted and the same routine continues.
In the past one month, I’ve only had two patients on the bed allotted to me. Initially, we did not take this allotment that seriously, so I didn’t really talk to the first patient. The few times that I did, I just got a superficial history, nothing more. No, it is the second patient that has made me speculate about the seriousness of becoming a doctor.
To cut things short, this patient has Pneumonia and is a known case of Acute Kidney Injury. The first time I met him, he looked pretty bad. A 60 yr old, coughing incessantly, with a Central line and other tubings put, doesn’t cut a very bright picture. I had a long conversation with his son, who was giving me the history. It included a lot of questions from my side regarding the case, and a lot of questions from his side, regarding the overall prognosis and the future implications.
I have to say, it made me think a great deal. Here was this 40 yr old man asking me, if his father would survive and how long. I, who for all practical purposes, myself, did not know how severe the disease was, had to answer the most important question that a patient can ask a doctor. Such a situation only makes me wonder how brave we have to be, to take up such a responsibility.
I’ve just heard that, ultimately, doctors deal with living beings, so the job is tough. But, we are humans too. How in the world can we just take up the responsibility of deciding how long another of the same kind will live? Patients believe in us. The internet and sophisticated instruments may have made patients more aware, but ultimately they trust us. How strong do we need to be mentally to be able to return that trust?
I told that man pretty nicely that his father would live long in the right precautions were taken. However, when I was going back, I kept asking myself, how was I to know that there was even a need for those precautions? What if that patient was already way past gone? What if I was just giving his son a false ray of hope? Who was I to even pass a small judgment on another fellow?
For such a question, is there even an answer? Even studying all the books on a particular disease will not be able to give me enough power to believe in what I’m saying. If I can’t believe what I’m telling the patient, how can I expect him to believe it? When the patient does believe it, I want to simply shout out to him that I’m not good enough, and he shouldn’t take my word for it.
Such thoughts are scary. Today, I have people above me. Tomorrow, there won’t be any. At such a time, I will need to raise myself up to a level, where I shall get a good night sleep and not worry about whether I have given the right advice to my patients. Self-belief is the toughest to get. When it is a person like me, the task simply gets worse.
The questions that torment me, today, are going to torment me for sometime. After all, I’m not a genius at Medicine. I just hope to strive hard towards being able to answer them. In doing so, I know I shall be able to be what I want to be.
A GOOD DOCTOR.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

The Start: Doctor or Engineer



OR






As I sat deciding to write in my blog, I had this wonderful idea of writing about my experiences now, in my quest to move forth in life, towards, as the title suggests, Success. My exam results are out and by my amazing luck, I am eligible for both courses in Medicine and Engineering. My mom was on top of the world with the news, but I was not, after about two days. Now I had to decide where I wanted to go, something that I'm terrible at doing. My parents gave me a month to decide what I wanted, but I seem to have made my decision quite quickly, and I feel good about it. Feeling good for me simply means that it the right thing to do. So this is going to be my journey through the procedure of taking admission into the field of medicine and hoping that I reach the level of achievement that I want to reach.
Currently, we are thinking of taking a trip to the medical colleges I might most likely have to choose from. To see the place and then decide whether I want to spend the next 4 yrs there. After all, I don't want to be secluded in an oh-so-ancient place. I'm glad my mom thinks that studying is not the only thing I'm gonna do now on. She's suddenly thinking about the same things that I am.....or maybe I've suddenly grown up!