Musings of an Insecure Mind (innate + internship-effect)

It has been almost two months since I last wrote. Internship SUCKS. And as days go by, the feeling of getting used to the whole routine doesn’t make this thought any more palatable. When I was in final year, all I wanted was to get out of it and redeem myself with that one month break between results and the end of exams. During that one month, each day, I went a step closer to the beginning of this internship. Damn, I hated that.

We’ve had Paediatrics and are currently posted in Orthopaedics. Let’s begin with Paediatrics-

If there is ever a place that can frustrate you no end, upset you to interfering with your sleep, anger you to the extent of wanting to burn the place down, exhaust you to such a degree that the mere thought of burning the place down makes you anxious about the extra work you have to do….it is Paediatrics. I did not see my home clearly. I used to leave early in the morning and come back late night only to go to sleep and start with the same routine all over again. We did not get any holidays (No Government Holidays and no Sunday Holidays either). I was pitted against the most annoying girl on earth (no, probably universe)….not just annoying, manipulative, irritating, fussy, un-accomodating and a COMPLETE BITCH, if there ever was one. Out of the four weeks that I was posted in Paediatrics she was with me in three. It started with small fights, and by the end of the month, there was a war. One more day and I swear I’d have slapped her in front of the entire ward. That would have been exhilarating. I don’t mind working long hours and learning something. We did not even do anything amazing. In the ICUs all we ever did was monitoring, until I got myself the job of taking skin and rectal swabs for new patients and making the Bubble C-Pap for the Respiratory patients. I did learn Tracheal suction. I think that was a major landmark, because after we interns started doing it, all patients on the ventilator walked out healthy. Since there was no Junior Resident posted with us, and the Senior Residents thought it below their dignity to do something like a tracheal suction, we lost a few patients to ETT blockage. That thought hurt, you know. It was our fault, after all. So, the next a patient was put on the ventilator, we all took the responsibility of ensuring that a block wasn’t the cause of death. The pride I felt when I saw that girl walk home (breathing on her own) was the highest feeling I got in that one month.

We did not do lab, all we did was, take it from the residents and send it to the concerned laboratory. That was a bad feeling. I mean, you are interns. Lab collection is what you DO. In Paediatrics, they stripped us off the one job that we usually do with a little pride. Add to all this, the stress of the Project, Poster and 25 MCQs that we have to make during that one month. I was intent on making a paper out of my project, so I had to do it properly. I don’t know how I managed it all. I haven’t been so lost to the world and its happenings as I was during that one month.

Orthopaediacs, in comparison, is a fairytale. They have allowed us rotations so ultimately, each of us needs to go and work only twice a week. Emergency days are terrifying. It is heavy and there is no question of eating or even sitting down on that day. I finished my second ED yesterday and I was dead. Completely dead. But, I get time at home….time to make my research papers, time to send them to journals, time to do all the other work I have pending (like writing this blog J ) and time to just sit and still tell myself, you shall have time to study later on.

All is currently good. But, of course, I can’t wait to finish Orthopaedics. I like studying it, but I don’t like being a part of the team. I don’t particularly enjoy the whole scene, never have.

What I really want to write about today, is something that I heard yesterday. So friend of mine messaged me yesterday saying that he may be the topper in Paediatrics in our college. The list may be out this week (or there may be a function this week) and since he isn’t here, I may have to go and check. Have I mentioned before that my Paediatrics marks hurt? I missed out on distinction by one mark (and that left me with no distinctions this year, which hurt in places that I knew it would hurt). Wost part is, I know exactly where I lost that one mark that could have given me something close to pride about my performance this year. Yesterday, he told me that he may be the topper and also that he had crossed that distinction mark (75%). I had been cherishing this tiny hope that I may be the topper of Paediatrics (because the people above my rank have all scored less than me). I was hoping that I may get at least one prize this year (since all the others are totally out of my reach). But, that doesn’t seem to be so now. This friend of mine has scored way lesser than I have. It never crossed my mind that he could get more marks than me in any subject. When I read his message yesterday, I had half a mind to not reply and half a mind to send a really rude message. Ultimately, I gave myself some time to cool down and sent a congratulatory message. Which has left me pondering over my morals-

I always give importance to the marks scored. I want those awards, all that adulation, not because it swells my pride up to the point of bursting, but because it makes me think a little better about my own capability. In the long run, nobody will give as much importance to number of distinctions I got in so many number of subjects, or the list of prizes I won for my academic excellence in college (not even at the University level), or that fact that I stood 1^st/2^nd/4^th in class. What will be more important is the research I’ve done, the papers I’ve published, the places I’ve been to, the skill I have, the knowledge I manage to use practically (all that an examination doesn’t test at all!). And yet, I go hankering after all these marks, all the ranks, all the awards I don’t get….I, even if it is for a moment, spoil all the positive relations I have with people I call ‘friends’ and wish they go rot in hell. I hate being like this. This is insecurity. Insecurity that shouldn’t even be present because time and again, I’m facing examples of people who haven’t had the kind of academic achievements I’ve been lucky to get, but are doing amazing things, getting awesome placements in the best Universities in the world.

I wish I could change myself, I really wish I could. It is a good thing to desire to achieve the best there can be. But, it comes with this sort of a mentality as an auxillary, then it isn’t worth thinking of reaching that place.

Yes, its all out now…feeling better J I have a two day off now. I hope I study J

My most important post ever

So, I've finally done it. I managed to get past the nightmare of my practicals, a true test of my knowledge, according to the people who really know.
It was different, this experience. For one, I realised what it os like to get really tense before an exam; so tense that I think I spoilt my own chances of answering well in there. This was before Surgery. The problem with that subject is, I love it so much, I get nervous knowing I may not do well enough, and obviously, when such thoughts haunt your mind, you don't end up doing all that well. A vicious cycle. I hate it. But, I haven't able to solve the mystery behind my love and fear for this subject. Looking back,  I know that my nervousness and fear that I didn't know anything only held me back, on what could have been a good viva. What more can you ask for? The residents conducting the exam are helping you; they stop just short of giving your viva for you (just partly, because they stand behind the examiner and mouth the answers they know). The examiners are really in no mood to fail you, unless you decide to do that yourself. And you pretty much know the cases, instruments, xrays, specimens beforehand. Despite all this, when I wasn't happy with my own answers, I knew I had only myself to blame. I did enough to pass, yes, but, this is a subject I love, and passing here was just NOT enough.
It has been that sort of a relationship with Surgery. The Love-Fear quotient is like a 50-50, and that really really sucks. But, I did learn a lesson, and decided I wouldn't panic so much for my next practical.
Medicine- that was that next practical. Now, the thing about Medicine is, I think I know, I know I know, but when it comes to using my head, I always go off on a tangent. And, I can't examine patients the right way, to save my own life! There's always something incomplete in my method. If that isn't the case, the fact that I'm not applying enough strength, always gets me few marks less. So, yeah, there are a few areas to be worried about, in medicine. But, by God's grace, I ended up getting Alcoholic Liver Disease cases as short and long cases. Oh man, by the end of the practical, my pleximeter had turned into a mass of aching skin and bones (thanks to all that percussing- this despite cutting my nail so short, it hurt there too). In fact, at the end, I couldn't understand whether it was the patient's percussion tenderness or my own finger groaning and saying it had had enough.
Medicine was ok. I say ok, because, if you end up getting the same topic on all your three cases, you should ideally ace your exam. Problem was, my first case was a disaster. The examiner was an internal one, and she is considered to be a little scary. I wasn't given a warning that the exam had started or anything. She just came up and asked, "Are you 49089?" "Yes, Ma'am" "Start your case. And keep that paper away." WHAT?! No bloody warning!! And how the hell was I supposed to remember the details. This woman has her own set of rules, so you have to remind yourself of each and every one of them, before you speak. Like, do not say "Cynosis" in a p/a case, because it doesn't have any significance. Caught by her out of nowhere, I went into panic mode, and next thing I know, I'm rattling off Cyanosis to her with loads of 'ahhhh' interrupting words and sentences. I couldn't wait to finish with that viva, and I guess she couldn't either. Bad start. Had I been in her position, I wouldn't have given myself anything more than a 50%. Maybe she did. Will only know in February. The other internal examiner was my Project guide. I was worried, because I hadn't gotten back to him regarding the project. But, both his vivas were good. He took my long case and although it started off well, they (internal and external examiners) were a little disappointed that I missed out on Spider Naevi in my patient. What is worse is that, I hadn't missed it, had checked loads of times, and had concluded that it WASN'T Spider Naevi. Talk about difference of opinion. But, the table viva made up for it, I hope. There was nothing that I didn't know about whatever they asked me. We parted with a smile (a wide one, by the way) and I kept praying, they'd consider my awesome table viva and give a me a few more marks for that long case. The xray and charts were taken by my scary internal, and obviously, I was still scared of her. It was ok upto the point of recognising the problem. Thereafter, it enough to say, I don't think I use my head much when it comes to differential diagnosis.
Paediatrics was easily the best practical. My table and short case Viva was good. It was full of questions that were first-timers (like, disadvantages of breast milk, reason why you use Ca gluconate in hyperkalemia and some others that I don't remember), and I answered to the best of my ability, which was quite a lot. My long case was Cerebral Palsy. How I hated my luck that morning. After praying and praying and praying some more (that I don't get Cerebral Palsy), I got that case. Lucky for me, I was the last person to get done with my viva, and he only asked me read my case and asked 2 questions after that. So although it felt incomplete and weird, at least it wasn't a disaster, thanks to the case.
Obs-Gynae was a story itself. The HoD was the internal examiner, and he got really angry when he found people with their books near the cases. He found my book in my friend's bag, and that got me included among the people he was going to punish. Punishment meant that our vivas were going to be held last. So throughout the day, I just had one thought in my head, "Will I pass?" It'll be so humiliating to have the topper of 2nd year and 3rd year to fail in final year because of something like this. But, he did take our vivas. He didn't ask any question though. The external examiner sitting with him was asking everything. And, overall, it turned out to be decent enough. I obviously wish the incident hadn't happened, but I guess it was all for the best. When our HoD was asking questions, he was asking tough ones,  making students feel like crap. But, when he was sitting quietly, things were better :-)
So, I'm done. For the first 2 days, it didn't seem real. I kept thinking I have to go back to studying in a few days. But, now, I'm getting used to the fact that I don't have to study for a month at least. Not that I'll be sitting idle. I have to decide my future, I have to catch up with old friends, I have to get my garden in order, I have to start preparing my brother for his exams....in all a lot.
Currently, I'm stationed at my grandmom's house, trying really hard to make up for all the time I didn't have to spend with my gradnparents in the past 4.5 years. I'll be leaving for Hyderabad tomorrow. Its the AIOS-2013 conference and I'll probably attend a day or two. My chief purpose is split between taking a tour of the LVP institute there, meeting up with friends, and enjoying the awesomeness of the Ophthalmology conference :-)
Bon voyage!!
   

Theory Examination Over

Over the past 2 weeks, I’ve realized the following:

1.       I hate exams. I thought I lived for them, but I don’t.

2.       If Final year is supposed to be hard, it doesn’t even compare to the stress you go through during the exam. Looking back, I don’t know how I made it through in one piece.

3.       Papers always turn out differently this year. They are all expected questions, yes, but you don’t feel like you’ve written expected answers (or this might just be me talking).

4.       The age old superstition : the lesser you’ve done something, higher the chance of it actually ending up in the paper. It sucks through your brain. Oh, it SO does! And probably, that’s why you end up staying awake the whole night.

5.       Everybody but you, seems to be less concerned about the examination. It’s almost as if, you’re in one boat and everybody else in the other. It actually isn’t like that, but that’s how the world looks to you.

6.       The MUHS does NOT care about us students. They prepare papers full of spelling mistakes, repeat short notes in the same question (which is: Answer any three out of five. So that effectively reduces us to answering 3 out of 4. Or taking that bold step of writing the same answer twice hoping you’ll get 3 marks two times over.

7.       Surgery still freaks me out. I did it almost twice. Almost, because, there were a few chapters I did not do twice. Yet the day before both my papers, I was freaking out. And I was almost wishing I hadn’t taken up this course of Medicine.

8.       I always fall sick before my exams. Thing is, the week before my immune system decides to take a holiday, and I suffer. Surprisingly, this time, I got better like 2 days before the exam began, to reach my designated centre and end up with the flu AGAIN. Seriously, there was a time during the paper I had to allot to clearing my blocked sinuses!!

9.       I am exhausted. I don’t want any more testing, I don’t want any more theory answers to be written. I’m so tired of taking all this stress, it’s reduced my weight to more than is normal during a preparation leave.

10.   And, did I mention, I’m still hating Final year? Oh yeah, I’m still hating it, and I simply can’t wait enough for 13 Jan to come.

So how were these exams? The same exams I was so worried about, the exams on which nothing depended, my parents had absolutely no expectations from, I had no expectations from, the exams for which I literally turned the entire household’s lives upside down….yeah they were ok….all of my papers were more or less the same…I didn’t find any paper extremely easy, but no paper was pathetic either….I liked my Obstetrics paper best, because I drew a lot of diagrams, and they didn’t ask the questions I’d dreaded. I think I like my Paediatrics paper least, but that’s just because I couldn’t give the finishing touches I’m so used to giving all my papers. And it sucks to end your undergraduate examination on that note.

It’s what I’ve been through in these past 2 weeks, that’s so important. I suck at managing stress. Oh man, I really suck. My mind plays all sorts of games with me, and it’s so freaky. My usual method of calming myself down went to the dogs this year. When I told myself, “Shut up, stupid little girl, you’ve prepared well!!”, another louder voice used to come up behind me slowly and say, “Oh yes, little girl, you’ve prepared well. Tell me, do you know that you can’t remember the treatment charts? Or diagrams? Oh and by the way, you’ve not even touched contraception yet….and what about Skin….and you have even done your usual dose of MCQs this year.” It’s so hard to get rid of that voice once it starts.

This past month has been dreadful. I don’t think I’ve ever suffered so much in any preparation leave. It has been a combination of low confidence, sucky memory and a vast portion that refuses to even come close to the finishing line. The result : a complete wreck of a person, worried parents, indecision about the future and an ardent desire to just let go. They say Medicine is tough, so this is just the beginning. I’m really worried about my brain and its tolerance capacity. So, yes, there are some tough decisions to make in the coming month- regarding my future, what I want to do, how I want to do it, and the best way to keep my brain stable. I almost resorted to some anti-depressants and I don’t want to go down that road ever again. That’s why this decision will be so important to me.

Right now, I’m already worried sick about my practicals. The worry doesn’t make it any easier to start studying again, but it does affect the general day. I wish I had some confidence in myself. I really do. I hate this low self-esteem I have about my case-taking and practical skills. Of course, I have good enough reasons to feel this way, but I also have good reasons NOT to feel this way. Our timetable isn’t out yet. All we know is that, practicals in our college will be held from 1^st to 12^th of Jan, 2013. Nothing more. I want to know the exact details as fast as possible…that way, once I have a deadline to get to, it’ll make it easier to manage my study timetable.

God bless me and my case-taking skills. One ordeal over, another to start very soon. Oh I hate Final Year!  

Reality

I just have to write. I have my Paediatrics term end tomorrow, so ideally, I should be studying. However, out of curiosity, I went through my last post and the urge to write erupted through me. The past two-three weeks have been such huge reality checks. I think I have almost hit rock-bottom, but somehow, managed to wriggle out with something to cherish.
I remember writing a month back that my ICMR Selection list was out, and that my project had been selected. I wrote a lot of reasons why I decided I would not do the project. However, a little coaxing from my mother ( she showed the wonderful things I would get if I had this project under my belt.) and I decided that I would do the project. The more-than-just-happy approval from my Guide gave me all the more reason to go ahead with it. Neither of them told me what I was in for, though.
Everyone says the first few days of any project are hard. You are somehow just getting into the rhythm, trying to work out some kind of schedule, arranging and rearranging your work, meeting the concerned people. Lots of things just tend to happen together. You end up hating those first few days. I went through just more than hating them. Being a student at a Government Medical College, I should have realised this a long time back - You can never walk straight in here. You just HAVE to take turns to reach something that can resemble a destination. My Guide told me that doing the Lipid Profiles of patients would be a very easy thing to do. That has ended up being the most dreadful thing to do. It takes quite an effort to coax patients into talking to you. An even bigger effort is required to bring these very people to you the next morning to take the blood samples. Add to that, the fact that Lipid Profiles are NOT done regularly in our hospital, got me freaked out majorly. I now also had to provide the kit to do the test. Still, it was ok. I went to the Diabetic OPD on Day 1 of my project, and managed to take some cases. Next, I had to go and tell the Lab Director that the kit would arrive there soon. When I told him that, he dropped the next bombshell - " I don't have the manpower to do the tests. You'll have to do them yourself. I'll teach you." That was it! I have my term exams coming up in June, and now I have to perform Lipid profile testing of patients!
I am going to take a few words here to talk about my temperament. I'm cool. I get nervous before an exam or a Viva. I just talk to myself at that time, say stuff like, "You're being stupid! You've studied. It is going to go great. Come on, be yourself!", and go back to being cool again. I don't freak out. I don't stop eating or lose sleep or dream of scary scenarios related to anything. I'm just not that kind of a person. I switch on and off pretty easily.
Those two days, I did exactly the opposite of what I've written above. I kept thinking about the project, the time that was going to be wasted, the patients whose blood I would have to take, the ignorance of my Guide for having put me through all this (although the Lipids may have been the reason why the project got selected in the first place), the sadistic happiness that the Director was getting (again, although, he might have been telling me the truth), my term end exams, my univ exams (yes, I went to the extent of planning out my schedule for the repeat year). I stopped eating, I couldn't sleep. I became an insomniac within a day!
Being who I am, I couldn't share this with anybody. My Mom, bless her soul, saw right through me, and gave me a boost up the next morning. The fact that two patients came that day, and I could finally say that I had started my project, made me a little settled.
Since then, however, I've been trying to find the right rhythm. The insomnia has sort of remained. I still get up  at 5 in the morning and manage to study a little. Going to the Diabetic OPD is something I have come to dread. The compliance of patients is 50%, so now, I've decided not to go there at all. I'll just hunt down patients in the wards. That way, the irritating bug (Wednesday Diabetic OPD awaits you. HAHAHA!!!!) that keeps haunting me all through the week, will disappear. I am trying to just divide my day into parts. 8-9:30 am will be dedicated to looking for cases. Thereafter, posting. The afternoon onward will be my study time. Exams are coming up next month, and I need to score. That means I need to study, HARD.
I do panic. There are loads of moments. But, I'm trying to manage. Journals have added to the tension. The to-do list never seems to reduce! My brother (in the 12th grade now) had his entrance exams. My Mom had gotten really nervous. I sat with her throughout the day for company. During that time, I finished writing two journals. The trick is always multi-tasking. I have never been good at it. I've chosen an awful time to learn it, but I can give it a shot, right?
Right now, everything else in on the back burner. I had had the idea of applying to a few universities abroad for some courses after my Univ exams. I've decided to chuck those plans. There is no way I can do everything and succeed in it all. I got past the IDS, that is enough. Now I'm just going to concentrate on my studies and the project. I can't wait for the Surgery posting to begin. I can almost feel the fresh rejuvenation already :-)
Life sucks. A lot. Having to deal with so many people now, I've realised that. It isn't all rosy, this growing up. When you are a medical student in the GMC, the word doesn't even fit into your dictionary of life. I have gotten really low over the past few weeks. There were times, when I thought I should to take some medication to shut out the many thoughts swimming around at Olympic-record time in my head, so that I could concentrate on a single one. But, I got past all that, and am still standing ok. Yeah, I lost weight, and the radiance of my face (according to my Mom). Point is, I got through it. I still dread going to hunt for cases, but I still manage to end up doing it all. I'm far back in my studies, but i know and hope I can do it in time. I'm shit scared and nervous about the next month, but I can still smile and crack jokes right now.
This is reality- not easy, but easy enough to give you a chance to make it so :-)
Best of luck for Paeds, Jill!! Do well :-)      

Say Hello To Final Year :-)

And that is exactly what my Brain's reaction was, when it encountered the already extensive To-Do list. Today isn't even the official first day into Final year. That is supposed to be 23rd (a week from now). I know, I know...it is the postings that are more important in Final Year; we'd rather attend those more sincerely than the lectures; so today is the 'Official First Day'....but until the lectures begin, I don't get the feel of  'College' in the real sense of the word. And they begin on 23rd.
Any way, I'd rather talk about my To-Do list. Firstly, giving in to my guilt and my stubborn mind, I have decided to take the risk of doing a Research Project this year. It is a BIG risk. Simply because, a research project takes a lot of the time that you can spend studying. This year, the studying doesn't even end. So, doing a project is like knowing I have Osteoporosis but still, picking up heavy loads and giving those poor bones a chance to break :-p
This is my last chance really. I know I did a good thing by letting go of the Project in 2nd year and concentrating on my Finals. But, deep inside I know I was scared of how it would turn out and not very satisfied with my own interest in the subject. I can't let all that get in the way of developing my research potentials. This year, I'm going to give myself another chance. I am well-prepared. I have a topic, a guide and a rough idea of what all I'm supposed to do. The last date for the Applications is 25th January, so completing my thesis tops my To-Do list absolutely.
Secondly, there's a conference at Lokmanya Tilak Medical College, Sion, Mumbai on 16th-17th February this year. I want my group to present a Symposium on Islet Cell Transplantation. We had first done this at AFMC, Pune in August last year. We all loved the experience, but couldn't get into the final. This time, I want us do things more professionally and get into the finals. We are looking for a few replacements from the previous team. The last date for Registration is 24th January. Since we have to send the forms by post, we need to have the forms, the abstract and the money order ready by Thursday (my deadline). It is full steam ahead for this one..I really want us to do well.
Over to the next point, I want to do an elective in the US after my Final Year examinations. For that, now would be a good time to take the TOEFL. Studying for it is going to be a major part of my agenda for some time now. I have looked through the dates available and March seems good to me. That way, I can finish up with the Symposium and even a part of my project, and then turn over to this. I would have to start applying to the Universities in May-June. So taking the TOEFL in March and getting the results in two weeks time should suit me fine.
Researching through Universities for the Residency programs is going to form a big part of my life this year. Am I, as yet, sure of what I want to do? No. I know that one of my top choices would be Ophthalmology and it would be followed by Paediatrics. That is a tough scenario. As tough as it is, to get Ophthalm, it is much easier to get a residency in Paediatrics in the US. However, I don't want to end up deciding on Paeds only to realise I have done anything about the USMLE. So, I guess, maybe one a week or something, I'll be driving in this direction.
I and a friend of mine had decided last year itself that we would participating in the Indian Association of Paediatrics Quiz this year. We went and talked to the Lecturer in-charge today. She was excited that we have come so early :-) And since we want to do really well in this, we are going to start from now itself. Theory for the exams and extra stuff for the quiz. It should help me any way, as I learnt from my experience as a part of the Ophthalmology Quiz team last year. So this is yet another item on my To-Do list.
Last but not the least - the regular studying. It is Final year...tough from the word go. I have my Obstetrics-Gynaecology Posting now. To underline the importance of this year, our Unit Lecturer immediately made me go take a case (Pregnancy with Anemia), and we had a full discussion about the whole topic. On day 1. Not to mention the number of times she called us "Final year students"!! There's a wave of seriousness around. It is uncomfortable...because even the laid-back students are showing it..and that is so freaky! So obviously, I need to be in the moment throughout. There is no room for lagging behind....because once you remain back there, it gets too much to push back to the front.
Lets begin this year then. I know I'm going to have fun. I feel it. And I shall finally understand the meaning of 'Serious Fun' :-) Happy Studying!!!

Pressing Matters

The exams having finished, and my voice and health having returned to more or less normal (I can sing now, without flinching at the sound of my voice!), I now turn my attention to two pressing matters: The Thyrotoxicosis Seminar which will take place on the 5th of Feb and the final decision on my ICMR (Indian Council of Medical Research) Project.

We had a rehearsal of sorts on Thursday (21st Jan) for the Seminar. My presentation took 15 mins, more than 2.5 times the alloted time. I have to cut down on a lot of matter, something which I am so NOT interested in doing. I've spent ages on making the presentation just right. Lets see what my guide has to say about what we can cut down upon. But, as such the experience of standing up there and talking was brilliant. I did not have jitters. That might not be the case on the 5th, when there would easily be a huge crowd, and the venue would be the MGA. I'll be doing all that I can this week, to make sure I'm fully prepared.

The ICMR project deadline has come, and it is the 15th of Feb. Having come down to two topics, I'll hopefully be making a decision and submitting a report to the Ethics committee of our college for approval of the project. I am hell-bent on doing this project and I do hope things work out well.

Moving onto the earliest and most enjoyable event of all, we have a trek to Purandar Fort next weekend (29th, 30th, 31st). This reminds me a lot of the Lohagad trek we had last year, and I can't wait to go for another one. We will have a meeting mid-week so that we can be told of the itineary and the stuff we need to carry. But, I'm a hundred percent sure this trip will be a major fun trip for me.

The weekend was a welcome break for me, with all the remnants of my illness bearing down on me during the week. Also, we missed out on almost 17 days of our paediatric posting because of the terminal examination. So, the last week in college hasn't been a restful one, complete with 3 hrs being spent in the wards. I love paediatrics. The patients are so CUTE!!! And, I get to unleash all of my sweet side onto those patients. We have an amazing lecturer teaching us too. A Dr. Chhaya, who has a certain way with children and us too. I really wish we had been able to finish the entrie posting. It would have been an experience. But, now I do know that there's one branch I wouldn't mind specialising in.

And I saw my Micro marks. They are pretty ok. I've passed by a fair amount. It wouldn't have hurt to score a little more, bu then medicine isn't about scoring marks, it's about learning and enjoying the subject. So, that has been able to console me a bit.

This week has been fun. Hope the next one is too :-)