The Break

Did I take a break? Not really. So, after the exams, I had to complete and send my research project to the ICMR, clean up my room, clean up  the house, get some decent sleep, just get away from studying for a few days. Unfortunately, that did not exactly happen. I couldn't do everything and when time came to get away to Mahabaleshwar for the weekend, I had spent an entire night trying to get my project done and was carrying all my work with me.
It is such a pain the ass to do something like that. I haven't been to Mahabaleshwar in a decade. I was really excited about roaming around there. Having the incomplete project hovering about in my thoughts did help much. Mahabaleshwar was wonderful....cool, windy and very friendly. On Saturday, we enjoyed our hotel completely. We were staying at Evershine Keys. Nice hotel :-) lovely food :-) Yesterday, we visited all the "Points" in Mahabaleshwar. My favourite had to be Kate's Point. It overlooked a river...the water was crystal blue, and it reminded of the Pacific Ocean for some reason. The scenery all over Mahabaleshwar is so pretty!! I simply love to places like that, so I've been one happy person over the weekend. Knowing that I have to start studying from today males me cringe, especially after reliving all those wonderful memories of the weekend.
The market in Mahabaleshwar was so inviting!! There were shops after shops of footwear of all kinds, purses, handbags, hats, artificial jewellery and the pride of Mahabaleshwar - Strawberry with Cream :-)) Mom and I went crazy with all that footwear...we bought so many!! Over all, I had a wonderful time.
What makes me relaxed even more today, is that I managed to finish writing my report yesterday night and sent to the ICMR. I was worried that there may be a lotof load on the site (after all, today is the last day of submission). But, sending a report at 2 am in the morning always eases the load a little :-p
My experince with this project has been enriching. It wasn't enjoyable. I remember that initial period. It was all new, the hunting for patients, talking to them, convincing them to take the required tests, interactions with the lab personnel, getting the statistics done, getting my ethics certificate...and the most difficult of the lot, trying to get my Guide to talk to me for a few minutes. Getting into the groove and setting a time table that I could follow was a task. Juggling my studies, exams with the time that went into this was an even bigger ask. I've already given up hope that I'll match my own standards of the last two years. I just want to do well enough to be proud of myself and this year...
Lets see how everything pans out. I hope they accept my report. The four months have been tough and I don't want any more trouble related to this project. Best of luck to me for the next one month :-)

The Prelims Over :-)

Looking at the few results that have come out, its not been the happiest of times, but its not like I expected to rock my exams.

These 3 weeks have been nerve-wracking. First, it was back to back papers. That pretty much left you with no time to really brood over the previous paper or the next one. My acid-test was the Surgery paper. My relationship with Surgery hasn’t been smooth. I like the subject. I love it. Its amazing how that is possible. Surgery is Anatomy clinicalised, if there is such a word. I used to HATE Anatomy. I couldn’t visualize anything in there. But, here I am, 3 years down the line, liking the subject that is the advanced course of the subject I hated.

Any way, so as much as I love the subject, I’m not very confident about it. So, when it comes to an exam or a practical I get so paranoid. The day before my Surgery paper, I was at my wits’ end. It is all thanks to my dad who somehow got me through that paper, with all his discussions the day before. Before my Surgery 2 paper, we did the same, but it wasn’t as successful. My paper wasn’t the dream that I wished I’d had. It was a cross-over between a normal dream and reality.

The rest of the subjects have been ok. I know my Obstetrics paper wasn’t as great as my Gynaec paper and the difference in the marks showed it. I know that my Med 1 paper was 100 times better than my Med 2 paper. Yes, those marks showed that too. My practicals were pretty fine. The Gynae pracs were especially better than expected. I got decent marks too. My internal assessment marks for my pracs are more than those for theory, so that does say something. The med practical was supposed to  be fine, but my marks didn’t show it. I was pretty disappointed with that.

At the start of this prelim exam, I just prayed that I get through it somehow, any how. I did. THAT is an achievement. For a month back, I was totally unprepared. Totally, completely, fully. I didn’t know how things were going to fall in place. They did. Not perfectly, but they did. To me, that is all that matters. A friend of mine says I’m overly competitive. I don’t believe that is true. I know the kind of answers I write or give in Vivas. After having taken exams for the past 20 years, I can say I’m an expert at it. There was a time when my papers were held up in front of the class to demonstrate how a paper should be written. Even now, in medicine, there is always something that I like to incorporate in my answers to make them better than the person before me. After all, the checking of papers is relative, isn’t it? All students study the same amount. All students write the same amount. They write the same things too (biology of the body won’t change with each paper, will it?). The difference between a 67/80 and a 40/80 is the method of presentation. It is your answer that shows your ability to succeed. And, I know I have to keep doing that to score more.

Do these scores matter anywhere? Not really. But, they do stand to give me a shot of confidence. So, I know that next time I write a Gynaecology paper, I shall be sure of myself when I’m writing it. The Obstetrics paper, on the other hand, will require some more effort on my part. When I know that I’m managed to score among the top brass of my batch, I know that I’m up there knowledge-wise.

These upcoming preparation leave days are going to make all the difference. I know that. It is going to be one tough month of studying. But, having gone through my prelims, I know I need to work extra-hard to stop myself from losing it before or during the paper. Our practical dates have also been declared and they are a month away from the theory exams. So, the upcoming 3 months are going to be the make or break of my Medicine journey. In this last leg, I can’t give up or be loose. I’m going to make each and every day, each and every second count.

Anti-Arrythmics...they don't even make sense!

It has been told to us that Anti-Arrythmics is not very important. According to a very enthusiastic teacher of mine, “they don’t expect you to know it!” In college, it is such a blessing to hear things like that. I mean, it saves you a lot of time that you would have otherwise spent doing the theory and, in case of this chapter, wondering why things can get so difficult at times.

So, you can imagine how lovely life is, and then I get this crazy idea to check out last year’s University papers. A macho kind of a thing, you know-the desire to say, “I can totally answer the questions, and I’m well-prepared even now, months before the exam”.

And, I come straight crashing out from my lovely world, because hell, there is a long question on Anti-Arrythmics in that Pharmacology paper!!!! So, today, I decided to do the chapter and now, I am begging anybody who reads this post: if you have any idea that can make this chapter easier and more understandable, I’d love the help. Frankly, I’ve never liked Cardiovascular System in Pharmacology. Everything depends on the patient and ten thousand illnesses that he may have. But, I’ve been getting a hang of it, and I should at least be in a position to be able to decide the drugs to be given, in simple cases.

With Anti-Arrythmics, however, that is so not the case. If I get a question on it, yeah, I guess I am in a position to attempt it and get at least 3 out of  the 6 marks allotted to that question. It’s just the practicality of my knowledge that I’m not sure of. So any help would be willingly and happily accepted!!

And, we supposedly have the final combined signing tomorrow. Let’s hope the story is true and that we finish off with the official work after all!  

Time to waste: I'd have asked for it!!

It is a said thing, and definitely an understood one, that the week following the end of exams is supposed to be a 'chilled-out' week; one that involves no textbooks, no 2 a.m. mornings, no racing hearts and a free, escapade kind of a feeling. It is also understood that when the week follows the end of Prelims, we are not going to get any of the above mentioned gifts. Instead, we are going to be handed numerous other ways which will help us understand the meaning of "WASTE of time".
I wish these people could step into our shoes for a moment and experience what we experience when time just seems to vanish in front of our eyes, and we do nothing!
The most cruel Department in terms of time, is our dear, dear Forensic Medicine Department. I understand that they are short-staffed, and that there is a lot of work they have to do. But, if that is the case, then they might as well, complete the entire work and then call us to the Department, right? But, it seems like they are hell-bent on teaching us the true value of wastage. We were called, first at 10:30 am in the morning for paper-signing. I din't go, because it is my experience that things never really happen in the Department. As expected, they announced that papers would be corrected by 3 pm and that we should assemble at that time.
With an increasing feeling of reservation about the entire set-up, I decided I'd go any way. And we were made to sit there, in that Lecture hall, from 3 pm to 7:30pm, doing absolutely NOTHING! Each time, we made plans to go home, we were told that the signing would start in hr hour. It was so frustrating! They could easily have taken one person's cell phone number and then contacted him, when it was all done. It would have saved us a lot of agony and hatred towards that department.
My entire week has been like this. Only the Pharmacology Department has been a little time-savvy.
All I want to say is, if I really had wanted to waste time in this way, I'd have asked for it. But, now, here I am, with wasted time, and the regret that it wasn't even wasted well! I know Government institutions are mismanaged, but I guess the optimistic heart never fails to keep hoping!!...(sigh...)        

Prelims: the Finish-line

Time to celebrate a bit :-)

2.5 weeks, and the ordeal is OVER! In the past two weeks, I've suffered and learnt real meanings of words like "Patience", "Frustration", "Insomnia", "Acidity" and most importantly, the mantra that "good things never always happen to good people", and that at times you never get what you really deserve.
The marks don't count- not when it comes to the satisfaction I've derived from every question I've answered. And at the same time, they really do count. If I end up getting less than I expect, I'm going to feel betrayed and again ascertain that this is one unfair world. If I more than I expect, I'm only going to put it down as my amazing luck. Please note, nowhere do I blame myself for the results. Typical student attitude. We just don't ever want to say, "We just din't study enough." Fact is, it isn't easy to do all the studying, and frankly, I can't bear to even think of how I've spent the last 2.5 weeks. I wish I could predict when I'm going to learn that doing my entire portion the night before the exam, is sheer foolishness! Yet, I can answer a part of that. It is only when I feel confident enough ( that is, after having done my portion at least three times over), that I can entertain such a thought. Currently, all I want to do is, take a few days ( hours out of days actually)off, and just relax. I want to do things that are going to make me want to get back to studying with enthusiasm, not with the resigning attitude that I so feel I am going develop soon.
So, how were my exams? Pretty ok. The papers were good. Except for a disaster that Micro 2 might turn out to be, and a catastrophe that Forensic is going to be ( I will eat a boiled eggplant if that doesn't turn out to be true!), the rest was definitely on the verge of good. My patience and the ability to stay hungry for 5 hours was tested big time during the Pathology practicals. I am not very good at staying hungry. During exams, no way. The tension and the atmosphere of the practical hall make a lethal combination. The moment my stomach gets a little empty, the brain starts to talk about putting in some HCl in there, and I suffer from vague symptoms of hypoglycemia and acidity. Patho was the height of it all. I was the 2nd last person to go for the viva, and finished at 5:30 pm. And I had had lunch at 11:45am.
Forensic (FMT) was another tester. This time, completely testing our ability to patiently wait....wait....wait...wait...wait...wait......and wait. I was there for the practical from 10 am in the morning to 5 pm in the evening. Had that 2nd viva not turned out to be awesome, I would've been ready to send a body in there for a post-mortem!!( kidding....I woud've just chucked the thoughts of FMT aside any way!!)
What have I learnt from my prelims? Firstly, I totally understand why a senior of mine, gave a post-exam party after her prelims had gotten over last year. The feeling CANNOT be described! You fly in the air, as high as you can go, feel the breeze blast past you and yet not hurt a single cell....suddenly swoop down and catch hold of all those small and special things you wanted to do for so long......and have a great night's sleep without worrying about those alarms that have been dissolving dreams within seconds, for the past 2 weeks.
And, I learnt that doing things on instinct does work to your advantage, making your paper go much better than it might have gone otherwise. I also learnt that everything has to end finally, so it is obviously going to a much better finish-line, if you stop losing your head and health over small things. :-)            

Prelims : The Forecast

10 days left for the Prelims to start, and I am having panic-attacks and the absolute urge to throw away my books, in cycles. It is hard to keep so many things inside a small head, as many mnemonics that one may want to come up with. To top this, I have, once again, fallen prey to my delicate health, which seems to wait and wait and wait for that right moment (two weeks before the exam) and then collapses like a sand castle against the ocean waves. I was fine through out the past two months; Hell, I’ve never been better health-wise. People around me fell ill, every day…..every day a new virus made its existence clear around me. But, exams are the food that these organisms need when I’m concerned.

I might be able to complete my portion, but, there’s no way I can even tell myself that I’m ready for the Prelims. It’s so simple. I can start months before, or days before. I still won’t be able to believe that I know everything!! I’m just hoping I can get past this barrier ok. Then there is a two month preparation leave, when I hope I can do things more systematically and less hurriedly…..

It’s my birthday on the 14^th!! Of course, I’m studying throughout the day, and there are not going to be any surprises like last year. But, it’s my birthday!! And I have reason to rejoice for those 24 hours!!!!

Best of luck to me for the horror that awaits. 20^th September, here we come!!!!!! 

Back To College

It hasn't been the easiest of tasks really. I actually like staying at home. I guess college is , well, not as great a place as home is. There were times when I used to look forward to going to school. And there were times when I used to look forward to going to class. Now, there's these times when I don't look forward to going to college. I've had to get myself ready, mentally, to just go through the days. That's what I don't like. The going to college thing. If I had it my way, I'd just sit at home and study. Thats way better and much more interesting.
Any way, college has been boring. We got about half of our results. I, sort of, did well in Biochem. 34 in theory and 30 in my pracs. A whole of 64. I passed. And that's what had me smiling. Anatomy marks just told me that I suck at it. And its gonna be much more than mugging up anatomy books thats going to help me there. My marks aren't worth disclosing, as much as I talk on this blog. Lets just say, I've got a lot to catch up in the prelims, and Thank God we have Anatomy for just a year. We're getting Physiology tomorrow and I think I'll pass, unless my pracs give me a big nightmare.
Among the newer stuff, Head and neck is quite tough. And I've sort of gained the will to study. So I'm studying quite a bit. Lets see how long the momentum lasts. It should last till about my prelims, so that I'll be ready by May to give the University exams.
We've now got an Anatomy seminar coming up. I'm quite interested, so I'm hoping that I get the chance to speak. Thats all thats happening. I'm just trying to adjust to college once more. Somehow those five days were so relaxing, my entire state of mind had changed. Its time to come back now, 'coz its show-time!! Yeah, right!