When A Patient Said...

Outside of all the frustrations involved in being a Medical student in a GMC, what I really like about this profession, is the respect that certain patients give Doctors. Yes, times have changed. Today, Doctors are no longer considered Gods. Thanks to Mr. Amir Khan and his celebrated coverage of this field, we have managed to unearth some of the evils that are present all around us. That does diminish the nobleness of this field.
Having said that though, the smile on a patient's face after having gotten cured, is the greatest gift a doctor can ever get. Any doctor will vouch for this. And any doctor will tell you, that he strives to attain this very prize.
Yesterday, I took the case of an 86-yr old man. He has undergone a Below-Knee amputation, is not very oriented to his surroundings at times, suffers from Diabetes, has lost quite a bit of weight and overall is very weak. Yet, the smile on his face was evident. The happiness he had got after having undergone that surgery to remove his gangrenous foot, was shining on his face immensely.

"If I can have a sip of water from your hand, my life will be blessed."

As I normally do for all patients, I asked him how he was feeling now. Initially he was a little disoriented. he thought I was one of his relatives. When his daughter told him that I was a doctor, he took hold of my hand and thanked me for having gotten rid of his pain. He said, " If  I can have just a sip of water from your hand, my life will be blessed." Imagine this. An 85-yr old bed-ridden man, older than my grandfather, telling me (young enough to be his granddaughter, or even great-granddaughter) that his life would be blessed if I gave him some water! It should've been the other way round.
It is moments like this that make me realise that I want to do this so much. Yes, final year is horrible, the college sucks quite a bit, the profession is demanding, it is a long obstacle-laden journey. But, during this wonderful journey, there are going to be such moments...when somebody says something...somebody does something...it leaves such an impact. I know that those words are going to echo in my life for a long time. Those words were not meant for me. They were meant for the doctors who actually treated him. But, in a way, they were meant for me, as a doctor. Over the past months, I've struggled to find reasons to want to do all this, to want to still be in this field after my Internship get over in 2014. I've struggled to find love among all my subjects, desire to excel in them and the determination to do the hard work required. I've questioned my intentions a lot of times. When I heard those words though, I knew exactly why I liked this field; why I had taken it up.
I may not recommend the field with 100% gusto. But, I do know that there is a reason why I got into it. When I get into that real world (with the Designation of 'Doctor'), I know exactly what I'm going to strive for. It is that smile and that hope that somewhere some patient of mine will be satisfied enough to say the same thing to another Medical student and show him the light to the path that he was looking for :-)

Complications

So, when you step into 2nd year, you see the reality. You move into the clinical side of your course. A walk through the hospital becomes a regular feature of your hours in college, and perhaps, many, after college too. You see people, up close. And you see the pain, the tears or the simple resignation on faces. Suddenly, medicine finally starts living up to the name it has always had: Human.

Medicine is not about books. Its not about having to read 1000 pages of information, to cram into your head. It is all about using that information to do some good to your patients. To people like you. To humans.

In our first year, we're taught about the basics. We're taught about things happening at cellular levels, some reactions happening in the body all the while long throughout life, stuff found in exact locations of the body. We never encounter the real world. It is truly 'college' that we experience during this time. We take a big step, when we move onto Clinical Examination in Physiology. But, at that time, its just a practical. And on people who are, in the end, healthy. Frankly, we didn't even get the point of doing it all, when we'de come up observations that described in many adjectives, the word "normal".

But, doing it all, on a real patient, who is NOT healthy, is scary to say the least. And that is where the fear comes into play. I've been to some of the operations that my dad performed, and, everytime, I'm awed by the simplicity with which he works. A simplicity which has come after years of experience. And I end up wondering, "Will I ever even reach this place?" I think about having to put in RTs, catheters,c entral lines in a few years, maybe months, and I shudder at the thought. Because, I'm rigged down by doubts. "Will I be able to do at least that?", keeps playing on in my mind.

And, I realise, what Atul Gawande has talked about so well in his book, Complications. Its frightening the first time. But you learn. Yes, at the cost of the patient's health, but you do. And in the end, its all for a better doctor to help in the future. All the doubts, young to-be-doctors have, have been so well discussed by him, its really like reading my own mind. I do feel the need to answer those questions. But the point is, there are no answers. Because, unless you get out there and handle situations on your own, you're never going to make it.

I'm still reading the book, and I'm trying to stick to the central story here ( but I never do). I'll obviously have more to say, as I move ahead with the book, and a lot more, when I face those fears myself.

It is, two more days, and back at college. I'm waiting for it, but, there is an end-of-holiday gloom. Swine flu hasn't reduced yet. It will remain so for a few months I guess. Till then, its me with my complications!!