A Medicine Disaster Story

Me - At the BEGINNING of the Medicine  Posting

Me - MID-WAY through the Posting

Me - 2-3 days BEFORE the Term End  Examination

I write today, having emerged from a vicious battle; a battle that left me feeling thwarted and scarred; a battle which made me question the very reason I was put in there; a battle which gave me sniff of victory early on, only to take it far far away at the end.

Good evening, dear Readers, welcome to the post-term end report of the Medicine Term-end.

The past week has put forth shocks at the speed of, well, not light...at the speed of sound. It all started on Monday. I decided to go for the OPD after 2 whole weeks of staying out of it. I am a pretty sincere student, so I was feeling really guilty for not having attended it, in the previous two weeks. I reached the OPD and there came 

Shock No. 1 :Our not-so-down-to-earth Chief Resident had LOST HIS VOICE!! Ok, so a few words about this guy. He loves to talk. In fact, there isn't a second when he won't talk. He is a mountain of knowledge, but doesn't    complement that with much humility. He teaches really well, too, but wastes time in between. And - what irritates me most- he loves to be on great terms with the teachers, usually at the students' expense. I simply hate it when these residents make it their job to trash students. We're supposed to be little children. Treat us with care and love, will you!

So, this guy had lost his voice. It didn't stop him talking, but yeah, the load had reduced. It was funny and sad. Funny, because his voice was really gone, and it was nice to see him helpless for once :-p Sad, because, he wouldn't really be able to teach, and because, I pity every single person who gets a sore throat.

Shock No. 2 : He knew my NAME and RANK STATUS in my class!! I know I've done well in the past, but that simply doesn't put me on the map, right? Here I was, standing in the OPD, regretting every single moment for coming, and enjoying every single moment for hearing that funny voice. Out of nowhere, when I answer wrong, he says. " Why are you answering like that? Aren't you the topper??" Wow. The guy gets his information and how! I was pleased, yes ( I agree I don't have a lot of humility inside of me), but I was flabbergasted at the same time. How in the world did that happen?? And on top of that, he took my NAME.  Oh my God! Now he knew me. Any chance of being unnoticed went out of that OPD door.

Shock No. 3 : I know no ECGs. ECGs have evoked that Phobia system in my brain. Due to the miraculously perfect functioning of this system, I get Phobias of things very very easily. Stuff like the darkness (unless I can see the dark sky studded with its diamond stars), lizards, heights, certain chapters in Maths, Physics, FMT, Biostats and the newest addition - ECGs, freaks me out immensely. The fact that nobody really taught us ECG properly put together with another fact that almost everyone in class and in my batch could read ECGs pretty well, just multiplied that problem. Our tutor did teach us ECGs, but fact is that the patterns shown in books are never really seen in practice thanks to the machine-related errors. ECG- reading also requires practice, which I do not do, because I am so phobic about the whole thing. As the week went by, I started having panic attacks. I did not have the time to read the book and practice reading 100 ECGs and the ECG was worth 5 whole marks. Knowing me, you know how particular I am about each and every mark.

Shock No. 4 : I develop a sore throat and severe Sinusitis with GI symptoms too...Swine Flu?? This was the biggest scare of them all. The lingering thought in my mind that any day, I could end up in the hospital, ate up a lot of the tension related to my term-end, but brought on newer and bigger problems. I had taken the vaccine, you know. I have also gotten sick a lot of time since then. However, this time, the clinical features of Swine Flu have changed and it is now associated with GI symptoms. Also, I have spent a lot of time in SGH, with no mask and the place has loads of suspects. So I couldn't think of anything else. It turned out to be baseless and stupid any way. The GI symptoms went off in a day. I am healthy as a pony (I won't say horse, because I am on the thinner and smaller side) right now. Scary, though.

Shock No. 5 : We find our new CR ( not the one from Shock No. 1) taking our term end instead of Kadam Sir. WTH!!
The tradition is that if Dr. Kadam is present, he takes the Vivas of the first and the last groups. We were the first. It was known and expected by all that we would have to face him. In fact, the three of us were waiting for that moment. We have had the experience of his Viva last year. To say it in one word - SATISFACTION. Agreed, he asks his own set of questions. They make you think, and they follow a logical pattern. More importantly, he leads you on. There aren't hints as such, but he puts you on the right track. You learn too. Ultimately, even if you haven't been able to rattle off all that you know, you are satisfied because you have managed to wriggle yourself out of his Viva in a good way. That feeling can only be felt. No words will describe that feeling.
Having been there once, we knew we were in a good, if not, better position to face him. Disappointment showed on all our faces when that CR walked up to us. If he had been nice, it may not have mattered. What can you do, when every answer of yours is shot down with a big "NO", before you even complete it? And who can calm you down when you say something you know is correct and the reaction is , "Are you writing a new chapter of CNS?! Hahahahaha!!! You know nothing!" This misnomer of a Viva continued for half an hour. It ended with all of three of us telling him we did not like Medicine and we were NOT interested in doing it. The look on his face was worth it. We had taken such a wonderful case and he ruined our moment of pride. There is no way I am even going to look at him again, let alone, talk to him. The end result was that, we didn't really warm up for the Univ exams, we didn't get to know questions that we may face later on, we did not learn anything new, our old knowledge was laughed upon and our morale related to CNS and Medicine wasn't just broken; it was ground into microscopic little pieces that we can't even put together. Oh, and yes, it made me decide I shall not take up Medicine. I would take it up if my life depended on it, but then I know I am strong enough not to be faced with such a choice.

Me - AFTER the Term-End examination
"I will not rest until I have had my stomach's fill."

This disaster wasn't foreseen, especially after a nice table Viva in which I could identify and read the ECG and the X-Rays and even talk about the instruments and drugs. I hope I don't face such an episode any time in the future. I am not made of wood, and a repeat of that term-end will not leave me stronger than before. It will just add to the misery.

Over the weekend, I have healed my wounds. I start afresh today. We have Orthopaedics Posting now and I aim to finish reading the book once at least. I completed two chapters today so I know I am going to manage this.

Ganesh Chaturthi

Although Swine Flu has been on our minds all through the past two weeks, we were able to celebrate Ganesh Chaturthi, in college. Our Lord Ganesh has arrived at college, and we've managed to set-up something of a cloth-work explosion for him. Not in the bad sense, it all looks very attractive. We've been given permission to set everything up in the lobby, as always. Everyday, in the morning and in the evening, there is an 'aarti' performed by the students.
I've got some pics, and they will show in the blurest of details, that the decoration committee should be given a pat on their shoulders for doing what they have:

Complications

So, when you step into 2nd year, you see the reality. You move into the clinical side of your course. A walk through the hospital becomes a regular feature of your hours in college, and perhaps, many, after college too. You see people, up close. And you see the pain, the tears or the simple resignation on faces. Suddenly, medicine finally starts living up to the name it has always had: Human.

Medicine is not about books. Its not about having to read 1000 pages of information, to cram into your head. It is all about using that information to do some good to your patients. To people like you. To humans.

In our first year, we're taught about the basics. We're taught about things happening at cellular levels, some reactions happening in the body all the while long throughout life, stuff found in exact locations of the body. We never encounter the real world. It is truly 'college' that we experience during this time. We take a big step, when we move onto Clinical Examination in Physiology. But, at that time, its just a practical. And on people who are, in the end, healthy. Frankly, we didn't even get the point of doing it all, when we'de come up observations that described in many adjectives, the word "normal".

But, doing it all, on a real patient, who is NOT healthy, is scary to say the least. And that is where the fear comes into play. I've been to some of the operations that my dad performed, and, everytime, I'm awed by the simplicity with which he works. A simplicity which has come after years of experience. And I end up wondering, "Will I ever even reach this place?" I think about having to put in RTs, catheters,c entral lines in a few years, maybe months, and I shudder at the thought. Because, I'm rigged down by doubts. "Will I be able to do at least that?", keeps playing on in my mind.

And, I realise, what Atul Gawande has talked about so well in his book, Complications. Its frightening the first time. But you learn. Yes, at the cost of the patient's health, but you do. And in the end, its all for a better doctor to help in the future. All the doubts, young to-be-doctors have, have been so well discussed by him, its really like reading my own mind. I do feel the need to answer those questions. But the point is, there are no answers. Because, unless you get out there and handle situations on your own, you're never going to make it.

I'm still reading the book, and I'm trying to stick to the central story here ( but I never do). I'll obviously have more to say, as I move ahead with the book, and a lot more, when I face those fears myself.

It is, two more days, and back at college. I'm waiting for it, but, there is an end-of-holiday gloom. Swine flu hasn't reduced yet. It will remain so for a few months I guess. Till then, its me with my complications!!

Holiday Extended

Because the city probably wants to ensure a further preventive atmosphere for the spread of Swine Flu, our forced vacations have been extended upto the 23rd. Frankly, I love holidays. Can't ever have enough of them. But, now, I'm actually sick of them all. I hate myself for saying and feeling so. But, I can't even call that wrong, because its all just so BORING. I wish I could meet up with friends, go watch movies, at least get out of the house for fun. But, multiplexes are closed till the same date, and none of my friends are here.
Well, I know I'll be saying the opposite stuff once college starts. But, it is irritating to have time on your hands. It makes you think too much about some of the stupidest things on earth, which actually wouldn't even affect your life in any way. But, thinking about it all, does let it all affect you. And maybe, thats why I can't describe to any one, the feeling of sadness ( trust me, I've tried to come up something else for the 'sadness', but its the only word for what I feel), I tend to have when I sit alone in my room for sometime.
I'm giving my driving test on Thursday. Wish me best of luck. I really want to pass and get my permanent licence!!!

Swine Flu

It has become official now. Pune and Mumbai have been subjected to a total shut-down. All schools, colleges, private tuition classes have closed down for a week, and malls, multiplexes, and cinema-theatres for three days.
Pune has witnessed a sudden rise in the number of positive cases and has the highest death toll in the country, with 10 out of 17 deaths being here, in the past two days. The drizzle we've experienced has only made matters worse.
Swine Flu is quite similar to common flu. And the prime reason why India is being affected as drastically as it is, is because our population is primarily made up of malnutritioned children, and citizens barely living above the poverty line. Add on the number of HIV-positive cases and TB-affected people in the country, the immunity level of these patients is already very low.
It is actually no use shutting down everything in Pune, because the virus has already spread in the air. Most of the recent deaths, included those of people who didn't even have a history of foreign visits, or foreign visitors. But, a virus, spreads in the sir easily and those with low immunity levels get affected easily. What we really need to do, is address the situation, personally. Increase our own individual resistance to the virus. And most importantly, do not underestimate the virulence of this virus. It is , sadly, human nature, and I would also say, the nature of a “true” Indian to decide for himself what is right and what is wrong. And more often than not, the ‘right’ involves doing exactly the opposite of what has been advised.
It had been advised by the government about a month back, that any symptoms like those of H1N1, please get tested at the institute designated. Despite that, people run all over the place, use all kinds of self-medication at times, spread the virus to a few more people, and within no time, we end up having a situation like that in Pune. Citizens have been advised to cover their mouths at all times. By, at least a surgical mask, or even a cloth scarf. Yet, I find more people without any kind of protection on their face, than people wearing masks. Most times, people find distinct pleasure in disobeying and ignoring well-meant advice.
And it all comes down to a shut-down. Trust me, it is not relieving, or enjoyable, having to sit at home, doing absolutely nothing. Well, not exactly nothing. But, how much can you study? And how many boring movies can you bring yourself to watch throughout the day? A word about getting out of the house, and one gets questioning eyes glaring at you, portraying exactly what is in the minds behind: “ Are you INSANE?”
The least I can say is, I hope Mumbai doesn’t face a situation like that in Pune. Hearing about a 13th death in the city, and 11th in a hospital which I call my own, is quite unnerving. I also hope, other cities don’t have to come to the extent of Pune or Mumbai.

• Vedant has been postponed to February. We might be able to celebrate Ganesh-Chaturthi, but we aren’t yet sure. College has been closed down for about a week now, so it will only be after Tuesday, that we’ll be able to decide on something.

Till then, I can only ask my fellow-bloggers, especially in India, to keep safe, and please use masks.

Officially Into Second Year:

Out of the blue, the results rained down upon us, and I am very happy, relieved and pleasantly surprised to announce to the ENTIRE world, that I have officially stepped into the second year!!!
My marks are not the best there can be, definitely not ones that I'm used to. But, considering my plight before the exams ( having to 'cover up' marks in Anat, in the Univs), and my overall, quite a packed year, with activities other than studying for 12 hours a day, I am glad its all over.
In fact, having looked at my marks, I am delighted that I can happily throw those bones away and put away my Anat books never to look at them again. Of course, thats not true. We have a surgery term, and definitely need Anat here. But, the point is, now I can actually LIKE anatomy and do it at the same time.
I got a distinction in Biochemistry ( considered to be quite an achievement by my mom), and I am very happy I could do it. All through the year, I have maintained that Biochem is my favourite subject. Doing well in a subject you like, is always incredibly satisfying. I expected more from Physiology, but I am not in the mood to give my paper for a re-evaluation. 'Be content with what you have' is a motto I quite strictly follow where my marks are concerned.
There are a lot of people who have got more than I have. It is not a scenario I am used to. But, strangely I don't even care, because I was so afraid that Anatomy might just prove to be, what I always thought it to be: My Nemesis.
Plus, my internal points sucked. To the core. So frankly, I've scored a lot more in the final University exam, than a lot of people. But, my internals pulled me down to what I have. Which is 'average'.
Its the first time I'm so satisfied with an average that, try as hard as I can, I can't even be unhappy! I've promised myself that I'm going to study from day 1, and I have started too. Plus, I love Pharmacology. I could read it forever. So its a good start.

Moving over to Vedant 2009, we did quite a bit of work over the past one week. Organising committees devoted to individual events, sending out search parties for potential sponsors, sending out delegations to different colleges in the city to invite them..... it has been fun. I am devoted to the English debate. It took quite a brainstorming session of about 4 hrs to come up with rules. We still have the judges left to decide.
Right now, though, Vedant has been put on hold, with the outbreak of Swine Flu in Pune. It has become a situation and the city isn't quite capable of handling things well. We've had three deaths, and many positive throat-swab results. Colleges have been shut down for at least a week, and we have to wait for our Dean's decision on Tuesday, to decide the fate of our event.
With the amount of work we've put into it, one part of me wants it carry on. But, there's also the less confident second half of me, which fears managing the event, and so wants the stop. We'll see what happens. Till then, hope to enjoy the glory of officially becoming a second year student. :-)